November 20, 2014


(6minute short)

Austria, 2014
Director: Michael Winiecki


Austrian filmmaker Michael Winiecki, creator of last year's awesome stop-motion /Slash Filmfestival trailer (look here!), made a fabulous little film somewhere between this year's "Tickle", last year's "Creak" and Troma's "Monster in the Closet", following a gorgeous woman who gets scared on Halloween by a creepy closet-monster.

"The Closet" is a feast for the eye, full of striking visuals and eerie images, with excellent lighting, great costumes and make-up, taking place in a very nicely decorated sleeping room. Winiecki's direction is tight, Marlena Marie Grübl's performance is spot-on, and even thought the ending is foreseeable and slightly disappointing, the ridiculous post-credits scene completely makes up for it.
Good stuff!

(24minute short)

Original Title:
Nuit Americhèn

Italy, 2013
Director: Federico Greco


Prolific and versatile Italian filmmaker Federico Greco ("E.N.D.", "Liver") surprises me once again with another excellent and fabulously made genre-bender, taking place in a beautiful old villa where a director and two actors try to shoot the key scene of their latest horror film, some kinda slasher flick about a nasty killer clown. The film shooting turns into a nightmare when suddenly
a real killer appears on set...

"Day For Nite" starts out as hilarious horror comedy with lots of stinging, witty criticism on the current state of Italian independent filmmaking,
before it slowly transforms intself into a highly griping, slightly Fulci-esque suspense-fest with lots of eerie atmosphere, a terrific-looking killer, powerful music and splendid acting, most notable the performances of Regina Orioli and Fausto Maria Sciarappa. Wow!

Btw, in case you wanna support Mr. Greco's upcoming full-lenght feature
"E.N.D. - The Movie", click the link below:

IndieGogo: E.N.D.

(13minute short)

USA, 2014
Director: Ethan Shaftel


Imagine a collaboration between David Cronenberg, Frank Henenlotter and Richard Stanley: that's how "Flesh Computer" felt to me, a super-bizarre but highly unique and quite impressive film about an apartment handyman who's working on a fascinating semi-man-machine-like apparatus made of old mechanical parts and human flesh.

By combining awesome practical effects with imaginative low-budget CGI effects, and classic sci-fi tropes with creative, original and intriguing philosophical concepts, Ethan Shaftel managed to deliver a delightfully dark and superbly satisfying genre blend somewhere between Cronenbergian body-horror, classic android sci-fi and the eerie side of arthouse, with great acting, an intense soundtrack and a super-lovely kitty. Needs to be seen more than once to be fully comprehended.

(14minute short)

UK, 2014
Director: Sam Knight


Sam Knight's debut short "A Good Night's Sleep" is a well-built, well-directed horror-thriller, following the lives of a man and a woman who seem to be radically different from each other, but still somehow end up on a dinner date together. A dinner date with fatal outcome...

The first 9 minutes are simply excellent. Great acting by filmmaking jack-of-all-trades Wes Skelly and his wife Ella (love the fact that she has different-colored fingernails in almost every scene), fantastic editing, beautiful cinematography and a wonderfully composed electro score. Unfortunately, the awesomeness ends after the 9-minute-mark with a super-odd, irritating and slightly frustrating plot twist, as well as a rather mediocre ending, caused by some sloppy and unimaginative screenwriting. Pity!

(14minute short)

USA, 2014
Director: Steve Kahn


Stylish and highly interesting, but ultimately rather underwhelming film about a young woman who simply tries to take a bath, but struggles horribly because her fears turn this simple process into a frightening experience.

Director Steve Kahn took the term "style over substance" a bit too serious and created a little chiller that tries too hard to impress the viewer with stunning images and flawless editing, whilst completely forgetting about tension or atmosphere. Some of the scares are wonderfully effective, some are just boring and plain predictable, and as much as I love Tears For Fears' "Pale Shelter", it's mis-used and totally doesn't fit into the film. Talented hottie Jessie Rabideau's top-notch performance gladly saves "Fear" from falling into mediocrity.

(14minute short)

UK, 2014
Director: Peter Regan


Peter Regan tries to follow in the footsteps of his brother Chris Regan, the mastermind behind the wonderfully amusing "Jenny Ringo" films, by delivering a fun little horror comedy about a few peeps getting terrorized by a creepy killer doll, an obviously Regan-esque film with amusing characters, light-hearted humor and cool visuals.

Unfortunately, he doesn't come close to his brother's genius which eventually leads to an mediocre film that doesn't offer anything remarkable or worthwhile and ends up being rather forgettable. The acting is neat, camera work and low-budget effects all look nice, but the pacing is too slow, the direction is lax, and... I dunno, it just plods along without offering anything that stays in mind.


Alternate Title:

USA, 2014
Director: Levi Caleb Smith


What looks and sounds like a fun throwback to 80s killer-machine-flicks like "The Lift" or "Chopping Mall", is actually a weak and rather frustrating letdown of a film that can't decide between serious scare-fest, over-the-top gore-fest and silly horror-spoof shenanigans.

The electro-rock score is fun and the overall camera work is very well, but there's absolutely no story whatsoever, no interesting characters, nothing tense or entertaining, and the fact that half of the film consists of fake-trailers for three upcoming "Deathforks"-sequels didn't work for me at all.

November 19, 2014



German Title:
Die Bestimmung - Divergent

USA, 2014
Director: Neil Burger


Okay, busted. After loving the hell out of "The Maze Runner" and both "Hunger Games" flicks, I ended up loving the hell out of "Divergent" too, which obviously makes me some kinda hardcore-fan of dystopian young-adult stuff. Believe me when I say this surprised even me! The trailer for "Divergent" looked somewhat rather retarded but the actual film is simply cool.

Based on Veronica Roth's novel of the same name, the first installment in the "Divergent Trilogy", director / writer Neil Burger ("Limitless") created an superbly entertaining sci-fi action movie taking place in a world where society is divided into 5 factions based on virtues [Abnegation = the selfless / Amity = the peaceful / Candor = the honest / Dauntless = the brave / Erudite = the intelligent]. When main character Tris finds out that she doesn't fit into any faction, which makes her a Divergent, her life suddenly is at stake, because people like her are considered a massive threat to this kinda society...

Yes, the basic premise is about as silly as in other YA flicks, but when you're able to get past that, you're rewarded with about 140 minutes of thrilling action, gripping suspense and touching drama, thanks to Burger's excellent direction, the fabulously brisk pacing which doesn't allow the viewer to slip into boredom, and the well-developed script by Vanessa Taylor ("Game of Thrones") and Evan Daugherty ("Killing Season"). Love the energetic score by Dutch whizz kid Junkie XL, as well as all the awesoem dance tunes from Gesaffelstein ("Out of Line"), Skrillex ("Stranger") or A$AP Rocky ("In Distress").

Shailene Woodley isn't as impressive as Jennifer Lawrence, but she's still much better than I expected, and delivers an awesome and very believable performance. Love how her character slowly transforms from weak wallflower to badass survivor heroine. There's also splendid acting by the strangely charismatic Theo James, tough mofo Jay Courtney, hottie Zoë Kravitz and the wonderful-as-always Kate Winslet. Costumes and settings look fantastic, Alwin H. Küchler's ("Sunshine") is sublime and most of the CGI effects look just great.

Guess who's already excited for "Insurgent"? ^_^

November 18, 2014



German Titles:
Return of the Killershrews - Die blutgierigen Bestien kehren zurück / Mega Rats - Angriff der Riesenratten

USA, 2013
Director: Steve Latshaw


53 years after director Ray Kellogg took a bunch of dogs and dressed them up as murderous "Killer Shrews" (Review here), b-movie filmmaker and regular Fred Olen Ray / Jim Wynorski collaborator Steve Latshaw ("Jack-O", "Biohazard: The Alien Force", "Curse of the Komodo") dared to shoot a sequel to this
bad-movie cult-classic and return to the isolated island that is overrun with these super-silly-looking, but *erm* merciless beasts.

To my huge surprise, "Return of the Killer Shrews" is not just a cheap in-name-only cash-in sequel, it's actually a direct sequel that pays massive homage to the 1959 movie by starting out with a prologue scene that is basically a reenactment of the very first kill scene in "The Killer Shrews", by including several black-and-white scenes from the original in a flashback-kinda way, and by bringing back James Best, main actor in "The Killer Shrews" who returns to play the role of Captain Thorne Sherman a second time! At the age of 86, Best delivers a fun
still-alive-and-kicking performance that entertained me a lot!

Next to Best, there's also great veteran actors like Bruce Davison ("X-Men 1&2") or the "Dukes of Hazzard" stars John Schneider and Rick Hurst, as well as wonderful youngsters like Sean Flynn ("Zoey 101"), Jennifer Lyons ("Dorm Daze") or Jason-Shane Scott ("The Pit and The Pendulum"),
all delivering fun acting and amusing lines:
("Your ass is grass now, and I am the weed whacker." /

"We need a bigger goat." / "I love to chase women, but, you know, at my age it has to be downhill." / "Come look what I found! (...) It's bones!" - "Bones? As in 'spare rib bones'? 'Cause if it's got barbecue sauce on it, bring it on!" / "Let's get this crap over here." - "I am not crap. I am the sponsor of a major network TV series..." - "While you're on my boat, you're crap!")

Alas, there's also lots of bad stuff here. You thought the shrew costumes in the original looked bad? You should take a look at the awful, awful, awful CGI that's going on here. Christ goddammit, this was pure eye-rape. The basic shrew design looks okay, but the way they move, jump, run... *sigh* Remember the cheaply animated "Langoliers" from the 1995 movie of the same name? Well, they actually look and move so much more realistic than the 2012 shrews.
There's also gallons of horrid CGI blood, a terrible CGI snake straight outta "Snakes on a Train" (nope, not the one with the plane, I mean the one with the train...) and some other computer-generated garbage. In addition, the shrews' screeching sounds were a pain in my ass and my ears, the few dead-boring folk-pop-country songs are dull as hell, the pacing is a bit too slow, and even though the movie is only about 80 minutes long, it's definitely
10-15 minutes too long.

At least, it's better than the original and that's what counts. "Return of the Killer Shrews" isn't exactly a classic, but it's fun and entertaining, and just like Jim Wynorski's great "Gila" reboot, it proves what a bad filmmaker Ray Kellogg was ;-)

Thanks to director Steve Latshaw for the Screener!

November 17, 2014



Alternate Title:

USA, 1976
Director: Larry Cohen


(Screened as part of the Horrorfilm Retrospective "Land of the Dead 1968 - 1978" in September at the Filmmuseum, Vienna.)

"God Told Me To" is the second horror/sci-fi-related directorial effort by screenwriting legend Larry Cohen, and even though it's not his best film (that's probably the 80s cult classic "The Stuff"), it's definitely one of his craziest, yet most interesting movies, following a devout Catholic NY cop who investigates in a series of murders, all committed by seemingly normal citizens who claim that God himself told them to commit the crimes...

What starts out as religion-themed crime thriller, soon descends into mysterious supernatural AND extraterrestrial territories, becoming more and more bizarre with every single minute, delivering eerie alien abductions, super-strange religious cult leaders and some kinda "monster vagina" (has to be seen to be believed). The pacing in combination with Cohen's excellently developed screenplay delivers a huge amount of super-surprising and totally unforeseable plot twists.

Granted, the last third is at times so wacko, I had a hard time taking anything of what's happening on the screen seriously at all. Still, I was thrilled right until the amusing epilogue, simply because of the awesome writing and the way it was built up. Tony Lo Bianco, Sylvia Sidney and the stunningly cute Deborah Raffin, they all deliver very fine perormances. The sacral, slightly "Omen"-esque music fits the movie's gritty mood very well (Frank Cordell, "Cromwell"); great editing, great camera work, weird special effects - oh, and a cameo by comedy legend Andy Kaufman as possessed policeman!

God told me to recommend this movie to you, at least to those who can handle strange and obscure 70s gems :)

Wiki ~ Imdb



Original Title:
Sanatorium pod klepsydrą

Alternate Title:
The Sandglass

German Titles:
Das Sanatorium zur Todesanzeige / Das Sanatorium zur Sanduhr

Poland, 1973
Director: Wojciech Jerzy Has
as Wojciech J. Has)

(Screened as part of the Horrorfilm Retrospective "Land of the Dead 1968 - 1978" in September at the Filmmuseum, Vienna. Not the restored 2013 version, but the original 35mm version.)

Seeing this movie on the big screen was definitely one of my weirdest in-cinema experiences ever, simply because this movie is just sooo unbelievably... erm, weird. Based on the story collection "Sanatorium Under the Sign of the Hourglass" by Polish writer Bruno Schulz, acclaimed Polish director legend Wojciech Jerzy Has created a surreal and dream-like succession of scenes and sequences, all connected to a man who visits his father in a sanatorium where time behaves in a pretty fucked up way.

The first 10-15 minutes are rather understandable, but then the viewer gets thrown into an unimaginably bizarre, yet pretty entertaining phantasmagoria constantly jumping back and forth in time. Characters appear, disappear and reappear. Our main character jumps from one location to another, e.g. he crawls under a girl's bed where some random man eats jam, crawls out and finds himself in a mountain village where people with names like "Honduras" and "Nicaragua" wearing bird masks and feathers etc. It's as if Alejandro Jodorowsky and Juan López Moctezuma experiencing a drug-fueled feverish dream together

The fact that nothing makes sense is at times highly entertaining, at times simply tiring. There's shitloads of awesome visuals, beautiful sets, strange incidents and rather remarkable scenes (especially the one with the historical mechanical wax mannequins, or the one in the textile shop with the Jews singing and dancing), and the acting is just marvellous, especially the performances by Jan Nowicki and Tadeusz Kondrat, but in the end, "The Hourglass Sanatorium" is much too weird, much too nonsensical and at a length of 124 minutes
definitely much too long.

Wiki ~ Imdb 

November 13, 2014



UK / Ireland, 2013
Director: Ruairí Robinson


Ever since his breathtaking 2011 short film "BlinkyTM" (Review here), I was eagerly awaiting any new project by Oscar-nominated Irish filmmaker Ruairí Robinson ("Fifty Percent Grey"). Unfortunately, his follow-up project / debut feature "The Last Days on Mars", based on Sidney James Bounds' short story "The Animators", is one huge disappointment.

Behind the oh-so-poetic title hides a below-average sci-fi/horror-mix that should have better been titled "Zombies in Space" or "Mars of the Living Dead". It starts out rather tense and quite fascinating, delivering beautiful images of sand storms and cool spacecrafts, and a slightly 70s-like atmosphere.

Then, after the first half hour, the very first semi-zombie (human infected with some mysterious Mars virus) appears, and from this moment on, the whole thing goes downhill. Imagine the second half of Danny Boyle's "Sunshine",
but on Mars, without any suns, with less suspense, but with more zombies. That's basically it. Wow.

Robinson's direction is weird, at times downright uninspired and boring. Same for the lackluster music and the underwhelming camera work. The cast is very solid, especially the performances of Liev Schreiber, Olivia Williams and Johnny Harris. Make-up, gore and CGI efects look good too. Other than that, "The Last Days on Mars" is just another forgettable post-90s Mars film.



Canada, 2012
Director: Gabriel Carrer


 As a big Deftones fan, I got immensely excited when I first read the title of this movie, and obviously started to hum the refrain of "Change (In the House of Flies)" immediately. To my chagrin, the fourth feature of Canadian filmmaker Gabriel Carrer was a huge disappointment and about as boring as the entire works of Henry Rollins who plays a small part in this movie, which revolves two young lovers who get abducted and locked into an undisclosed, suburban basement...

"In the House of Flies" is one of the dullest and slowest movies I've seen this year. The pacing is so fucking slow, I was close to turn it off several times. There's nothing happening, at least nothing that grips, thrills or entertains you. There's these two characters (both not exactly smpathetic), a bunch of suitcases, a telephone and an anonymous caller playing oh-so-naughty but actually incredibly unspectacular psychological mind games with both of them. That's it.

It could have been good with likable characters, with tighter, faster or more intense pacing, and with a villain who comes off as if he's Satan himself. Unfortunately, the bad guy is just a lame, unimpressive pain in the ass, the pacing is as boring as watching flies fuck, and the couple... well, I totally didn't care for them at all. The extremely mediocre acting obviously didn't help.

Some cool photography, an intriguing electro score and a quite cool ending. Everything else about it is just frustrating.

Thanks to October Coast PR for the screener!



Alternate International Title:
Dark Flight

German Title:
Dark Flight - Ghosts on a Plane

Thailand, 2012
Director: Isara Nadee


A few weeks ago, some dork connected Takashi Shimizu's "7500" on Imdb with this film, claiming it's a remake - which is obviously bullshit because both films were shot in 2012, both are based on original screenplays, and... well, aside from taking place on a plane, these two films have nearly nothing in common.

Contrary to "7500" which is more of a dark supernatural chiller (Review here),
"407 Dark Flight" goes into a completely different direction, trying to combine over-the-top comedy with drama and clichéd Asian ghost horror. Imagine "Snakes on a Plane" or "Plane of the Living Dead", replace the snakes/zombies with ghosts, add some "Airport", some elements of Pedro Almodóvar's "I'm So Excited" and lots of cheesy 3D effects. The result is a dumb and hardly entertaining piece of silliness that tries way too hard to be witty and original, completely forgets about thrills and chills, and constantly hops between genres in an immensely amateurish way.

The acting ranges from okay (business lady, weird flight attendant) to awful (flight simulator kid, dreadlock guy) to I-hate-you-so-much-right-now-Aaaaargh! (oh-so-amusing gay flight attendant named Prince). Several scenes are ridiculously awesome (ghost grandma spits flies / business woman vs. monk / dreadlock vs. gay / monk claims: "I'm a scientist who turned into a monk."), while others are just unfunny, stupid and unoriginal (fat guy doing a Linda Blair head-turner, Hongkong girl with "Evil Dead" voice, gay flight attendant doing disco dancing).

In addition, the music sounds like it was composed for some generic made-for-TV drama, the direction is terrible (Isara Nadee, "Art of the Devil 2+3") and there are sooo many shitty-looking CGI 3D effects, even The Asylum would be jealous. Nonsense.

November 11, 2014

The PLANET OF THE APES Franchise: Original / Beneath / Escape / Conquest / Battle / Remake / Rise Dawn


German Title:
Planet der Affen - Revolution

USA, 2014
Director: Matt Reeves


Just when I thought that summer blockbusters got lame and dissatisfying, this movie came along and blew me away like a steam hammer to my head. "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" is this year's "Pacific Rim", an unbelievably stunning and remarkable example of how insanely perfect the combination between intelligent screenwriting, flawless directing and goofy over-the-top action can work if everyone involved wants to make something special, something we haven't seen before. It could have been "just another Apes flick", but it turned out to be a fucking masterpiece. IMO it's not just one of the best movies that came out in 2014 so far, it's also the absolute best "Apes" flick since 1968.

Director Matt Reeves ("Cloverfield") turned the epic script by Mark Bomback ("Live Free or Die Hard"), Amanda Silver ("The Hand that Rocks the Cradle", "Rise of...") and Rick Jaffa ("Rise of...") into a spectacular and overwhelming piece of awesomeness that manages to be kick-ass action flick, post-apocalyptic science fiction AND heavy emotional drama at the same time. From the indescribably intense opening right until to the final Apes-vs-Humans battle, I was intrigued, mesmerised and totally glued to the screen. There wasn't one single dull moment. "Dawn of..." is tense and thrilling from the very first to the very last second.

Andy Serkis is pitch-perfect as Caesar, delivering a performance that is exceptional. Also, great acting by the still overlooked Jason Clarke the awesome-as-always Gary Oldman and Toby Kebbell as Koba, the most ill-afflicted, most insane, most Hitler/Stalin-esque Ape in history. The CGI is absolutely stellar, cinematography (Michael Seresin, "Angel Heart") and music (Michael Giacchino, "Mission: Impossible 3+4") are both absolutely fantastic, and... well, scenes like Caesar fighting Koba, the "killing" of Caesar, Apes go to war, Koba throwing an ape to death, or the uber-insane 360° shot of Koba riding a tank... THIS is what I'd call powerful, flawless, top-notch filmmaking.

 "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" is pure perfection. A true miracle of a sequel!

Wiki ~ Imdb

All follwing reviews are updated versions of the original reviews which I first wrote in August 2011.


Working Titles:
Caesar / Planet of the Apes: Genesis / Rise of the Apes

German Title:
Planet der Affen - Prevolution

USA, 2011
Director Rubert Wyatt


Holy Gorilla, what was that? Seriously, this is undoubtedly the biggest surprise of 2011 so far: "Rise of the Planet of the Apes", a reboot of the classic 60s/70s "Apes" saga, directed by Rupert Wyatt ("The Escapist"). It's a fantastic movie, excellently written and directed, tense and suspenseful from start to finish, packed with cool nods to the original movie ("You damn dirty ape!", space mission, an ape called Caesar...), as well as with many absolutely outstanding scenes, like all the intense primate shelter scenes, or the explosive climax.

There's lots of wonderful acting from James Franco (I like this guy more and more!), Freida Pinto (what a beauty!), Andy "Gollum" Serkis as hyper-intelligent ape Caesar, and John Lithgow (always a pleasure to see this amazing actor).

Camera work and editing are both excellent, the music is rousing as hell (Patrick Doyle, "Carlito's way"), and the CGI is simply outstanding. Every single ape looks absolutely realistic, plus: all the apes are sympathetic and likeable, thanks to the filmmakers giving them all personality. Who cares about humans? ;)

Fuck you, Tim Burton. THIS is how you do an Apes-flick without ruining the franchise or making fans angry. Massive kudos to everyone who was involved in the making of this film!


German Title:
Planet der Affen

USA, 2001
Director: Tim Burton


He was once one of Hollywoods's greatest, most inventive, most original filmmakers... but then in 2001, Tim Burton made a complete fool out of himself when he was hired to 're-imagine' one of the greatest science fiction films in history and turned it into one of history's absolute worst remakes ever. Based on a script by William Broyles Jr. ("Apollo 13") which was later re-written over and over by Lawrence Konner & Mark Rosenthal ("Superman IV", "Star Trek VI"), Burton basically raped the shit out of those damn dirty apes and insulted nearly every fan who grew up on the original films.

Nothing about this movie is enjoyable in any way. Nothing. The opening was acceptable, but from the moment Kris Kristofferson popped up, it went completely downhill and I couldn't enjoy this piece of shit for one second. The story sucks, the cast is terrible (Mark Wahlberg has never been more miscast), there's no tension, no character development, and the "Ape Lincoln" ending is so stupid, so retarded, so frustratingly bad, I'm still at a loss of words.

Rick Baker's prosthetic makeup is amazing. Everything else isn't.
This remake stinks.


German Title:
Die Schlacht um den Planet der Affen

USA, 1973
Director: J. Lee Thompson


What a huge disaster, what a huge letdown! Already hated "Battle for the Planet of the Apes" as a child and it's still pretty painful to watch this low-budget ape turd which looks and feels as if everyone involved in the production had no real interest in shooting this.

Director Thompson completely failed to create any kind of tension or suspense which resulted into the dullest and most boring entry in the entire "Apes" franchise. Ape City looks lame, the actual battle scenes all look rather ridiculous and unconvincing, and the 'Crying Ape' Statue... bogus, pure bogus. No wonder it was the last Apes flick for a long, long time (*ignoring all the TV series which came afterwards*)

Acting and cinematography are good, the rest is completely forgettable.

Wiki ~ Imdb


German Title:
Eroberung vom Planet der Affen

USA, 1972
Director: J. Lee Thompson

8/10 (original ending) /
7/10 (theatrical ending)

Always loved "Conquest of the Planet of the Apes", the part where we finally get to see how they apes start a revolution and take over (sounds familiar? yup, it was basically the main inspiration for "Rise of the Planet of the Apes") - though I never really liked the quite positive ending with Caesar's final speech and the humans being spared.

However, now that I've finally seen the restored version which has a WAY more brutal ending, I can truly say that this is now definitely my favorite sequel. Town is burning, apes are cheering, Gorillas beating the Humans to death and everyone has a great time - fun! ;-D

Director J. Lee Thompson ("Cape Fear", "Happy Birthday To Me") created a stunning film, darker, more serious and even more atmospheric than the previous installments. I love the look of the ape-costumes and I adore the cold look of the futuristic town. Cinematography is adorable, lighting and editing are fabulous and the music is just awesome. Also, great-as-always acting by Roddy McDowall, as well as splendid performances by Don Murray and Natalie Trundy.

A still quite underrated sequel that deserves way more love and respect!

Wiki ~ Imdb


Working Title:
Secret of the Planet of the Apes

German Title:
Flucht vom Planet der Affen

USA, 1971
Director: Don Taylor


Definitely the most amusing, most entertaining entry in the Apes saga: "Escape from the Planet of the Apes", a prequel to the events in the first films, that could be described as 'Part 1 in reverse': 3 apes (instead of 3 humans) travelling through a space/time porthole into the past (instead of into the future), landing on an Earth dominated by humans (instead of apes).

The movie's far from being perfect due to loads of rather annoying plot holes, plot illogicalities, a few pacing problems in the second half and one of the cheapest-looking gorilla costumes I've ever seen.

Yet, apart from that, it's just enjoyable, especially because of the wonderful performances by Roddy McDowall and Kim Hunter who deliver tons of hilarious dialogue lines and one-liners, such as:
"Can you read a map?" - "I'm an archaeologist. I can even draw one."
/ "Dr. Cornelius, tell me: how do you find our women? - "Very Human."
/ "Who won the war?" - "Oh, I don't know. Chimpanzees are pacifists. We stayed at home."

The rest of the cast is also pretty good (especially Bradford Dillman and Eric Braeden), Jerry Goldsmith's groovy soundtrack is awesome and the uber-intense ending is just excellent. Very nice!

Wiki ~ Imdb


Working Titles:
Planet of the Men / Planet of the Apes Revisited

German Title:
Rückkehr zum Planet der Affen

USA, 1970
Director: Ted Post


"Beneath the Planet of the Apes" (directed by Ted Post, "Magnum Force") was actually the first Apes-movie I've ever seen (I was 7 or 8 years old) and I remember that I totally loved it - loads of blood, mutants and burning apes, yeah! What else can a kid of that age expect from a decent afternoon TV program? :-)
Watching it now is a completely different experience: I can't take this movie serious at all. It has some entertainment value but it's far from being a 'good' movie

The first half is more or less a lame remake of Part 1 following another astronaut crash landing on the Planet of the Apes, while the second half is a hilariously grotesque piece of wackiness about telepathic mutants, living underground in abandoned New York, worshipping an atomic bomb.

Acting is quite neat (good performance by James Franciscus, guest appearances by Charlton Heston and Kim Hunter), the soundtrack is great and most of the settings look pretty cool. Yet, the story is completely rubbish, Post's direction is rather dull, the camera work is underwhelming and there's definitely too many cheap-looking, slightly embarrassing-looking effects.

A watchable but unnecessary sequel.

Wiki ~ Imdb


German Title:
Planet der Affen

USA, 1968
Director: Franklin J. Schaffner


 "Planet Of The Apes" is undoubtedly one of the greatest and most impressive sci-fi films ever made. Based on French author Pierre Boulle's novel "La Planète des Singes" (better known as "Monkey Planet or "Planet of the Apes"), director Franklin J. Schaffner ("Papillon", "Patton") created a fascinating and striking film about a group of astronauts crash landing on a planet
ruled by intelligent talking apes.

It's a clever and thought-provoking, but also highly entertaining, almost flawless 60s masterpiece, stunning and extremely well made, be it the visually impressive first half hour (landing, exploration, ape attack), the unsettling captivity, the awesome ape trial, or the ace finale in the 'forbidden zone', including one of the most iconic images in movie history: the remains of the Statue Of Liberty ("You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!").

The acting is simply brilliant, be it human (Charlton Heston, Robert Gunner), be it ape (Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans), make-up and costumes all look terrific, Jerry Goldsmith's atonal score is plain fascinating and four-time Oscar-winner Leon Shamroy's cinematography is a pure feast for the eyes.

A landmark masterpiece and one of the most important American films of all time.

November 10, 2014



German Title:
Kingdom Come - Zwischen Leben und Tod

Canada, 2014
Director: Greg A. Sager


For the umpteenth time, a group of people (in this case, a group of real assholes, including child molesters, rapists and murderers) awakes in a creepy unknown location without any knowledge how they got here (in this case, an *yawn* abandoned hospital). They, or let's say, the viewer soon (erm... within the first 5-10 minutes...) finds out that they're actually all already dead (fuck spoilers, it's basically "Cube" mixed with "Devil", "Saw" + the same ending as in "Reeker" or "Dead End"). Satan himself (a dorky non-actor in a suit) brought them here to play a little moral game with them...

In some kinda way, "Kingdom Come" is almost as aggravating as this year's hate-fest "Dating a Zombie", as it was obviously made by a bunch of reactionary christians (at least that's what I think) who try to shove their morals down our throats, in this case: pedophiles can be forgiven... kill a pedophile and you go to hell... abortion is bad and you should go to hell for it unless your dead child forgives you... etc. etc. I hate these movies. Stuff like that makes me angry and sends my blood pressure soaring.

In addition, the movie is unbelievably dull, due to the fact that it's as predictable as the sunrise, as well as to Greg A. Sager's ("Devil Seed") incredibly bad direction. He has absolutely no idea how to create any kind of tension or scariness, no motivation whatsoever to create anything remotely original, no interest in getting the best out of his actors. Ry Barrett or Katie Uhlmann could have achieved way better performances with a competent director at hand, while others like Jo Jo Karume (yo, I'm a tough-ass motherfucker!) or Jason Martorini (mwahaha, I'm oh so evil!) are just awful and should have been replaced.

Cinematography and music are both boring and underwhelming, the few CGI effects look terrible, the entire thing is way too dark (bad lighting) and the ending is just bad, bad, bad. The only thing that deserves to get at least 1 point (aside from some hot nudity) is the make-up. Wonderfully designed hell creatures and really neat-looking gore. Everything else about it is just rubbish.
Lameassdom come.


Thanks to October Coast PR for the screener!

November 7, 2014

THE KILLER SHREWS (Restored Version)


Alternate Title:
Attack of the Killer Shrews

German Title:
Die Nacht der unheimlichen Bestien

USA, 1959
Director: Ray Kellogg


After creating "special photographic effects" for more than 100(!) movies between 1949 and 1957(!!), effects artist Ray Kellogg thought that now was the right time to start a successful directorial career, so in 1959 (at the age of 54), he stepped right into the business by shooting his very first two feature films back to back: the lizard-rubbish "The Giant Gila Monster" and the mice-fest "The Killer Shrews".

Both films were quite successful back then, and due to be included in popular parody series like "MST3K" and "This Movie Sucks!", they both became so-bad-it's-good cult classics over the years. I admit, I totally don't understand the cult status of "Giant Gila Monster", a borefest of epic proportions - but I do understand the popularity of "The Killer Shrews", a stupid but still rather entertaining flick.

Based on a screenplay by Jay Simms ("Panic in Year Zero!"), Kellogg tells the story of a small group of people on a desolate island getting terrorized by a horde of voracious and bloodhungry giant mutant shrews, accidentally created by a silly scientist who originally worked on an experiment to make humans half-size(!) in order to reduce world hunger(!)...

What sounds like the definition of a cinematic trashfest, actually isn't that trashy. It's just one of countless low-budget giant animal creature-features made throughout the 50s, and far, far from being the worst (I'm looking at you, "Robot Monster", "From Hell It Came" and "The Creeping Terror"...). The best thing about the movie, it is also the worst: the killer shrews itself. Someone had the glorious idea to take a few dogs and dress them up as shrews! The result: the supposed-to-be-scary killer creatures come off as completely laughable, thanks to some shoddily designed and super-shitty-looking shrew costumes. Things get even more laughable when it comes to close-up shots where the filmmakers used uber-cheap shrew-hand-puppets.

Kellogg's direction fortunately isn't as bad as in "Giant Gila Monster", but still far from being good. The pacing is way too slow, way too dull, the first half moves along at shrew's... um, snail's pace, most of the dialogue is rather trivial and/or lame, the acting ranges from pretty okay to pretty awful, nearly all characters are clichéd cardboard cut-outs, and (worst of all) the whole thing is predictable as hell. No chance for surprises. The cool main hero and the hot blonde survive (James Best and Ingrid Goude). The Afroamerican and the Mexican get killed first (Judge Henry Dupree & Alfredo DeSoto).

Still, there are a few scenes that are really, really neat, like the weird but thrilling barrel-finale, the tense sequence in the basement and a few of the shrew-attacks, especially the one where some shrew stands (waits?) upright outside the door. The cinematography is decent (Wilfred M. Cline, "The Tingler"), the music is rousing and highly effective (stock music by Harry Bluestone & Emil Cadkin), and several lines are just fun:
"I'm getting a little sick of being called an irresponsible drunk." / "Looks like a rat, smells like a skunk. Some call them bone-eaters." / "Automatic pilot can't play Dixieland jazz on them banjos like I can!"

On November 11, the good guys from Film Chest re-release a digitally restored version of "The Killer Shrews" onto DVD. The result looks splendid. Compared to all the shitty Public Domain copies out there, the DVD picture quality is a mere treat for the eyes. See for yourself!

I'm not sure why Stephen King once called this movie scary (did Tabitha put something in his drink?), because it's not scary at all. It's just dumb fun. Far from being good, but entertaining enough to give you a silly good time. Best enjoyed with a couple of beer and lots of popcorn!

Wiki ~ Imdb

Thanks to Kelly Williams (Greenleaf + Associates) for the screener!

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