31 March 2010

SHUTTER ISLAND

SHUTTER ISLAND

USA, 2010
Director: Martin Scorsese

7/10











A really good mystery-thriller from grandmaster Scorsese, but unfortunately no masterpiece.
Good things: brilliant cast, brilliant score, fantastic cinematography, wonderful colours, astonishing settings, amazingly dark atmosphere, highly intelligent script and cool dialogue.
Bad things: much too long, often pretty lengthy and boring, the plot is far too predictable.

BLUE MONKEY

BLUE MONKEY

Alternate Titles:
Insect / Invasion Of The Bodysuckers / Insect! / Green Monkey

Canada / USA, 1987
Director: William Fruet

7/10







I loved this movie when I was a kid and I surprisingly still like it as an old crock. A great creature feature with an uber-cool monster-insect. A bit lengthy in the first third but overall very tense and thrilling with a decent cast, great atmosphere and some gorgeous effects.

30 March 2010

TROLL 1 & 2


TROLL

USA / Italy, 1986
Director: John Carl Buechler

4/10











Very weird but pretty entertaining 80s rubbish. The storyline is strange and pretty messed up, the actors are all super-lame and the dialogue sucks hard - gladly there are some nice-looking special effects, great atmosphere, a really neat score and a bunch of hilariously entertaining creatures.






TROLL 2

Alternate Titles:
Troll II / Goblins

Italy / USA, 1990
Director: Claudio Fragasso (under the pseudonym Drake Floyd)

1/10







"You can't piss on hospitality. I won't allow it!"
"Nilbog! It's Goblin spelled backwards!"
"They're eating her... and then they're going to eat me... Oh my goooooood!"

If you've never heard one of those sentences before, you immediately have to watch this flick as soon as possible.
Why? Well, it's officially the best worst movie of all times. A movie so unbe-fucking-lievably bad, it's actually... well... it's just bad (but in an entertaining way!) with horribly lame and completely untalented actors, a hilariously rubbish plot (Veggie horror anyone?), terrible effects, awful settings, laughable make-up (potato sacks and green jelly), laughable costumes (created by porn actress Laura Gemser!), a horribly annoying synth soundtrack, batshit insane dialogue ("There's no coffee in Nilbog. It's the devil's drink.") and a whole load of completely idiotic scenes (death by popcorn, the Bologna sandwich of death etc.), plus: it has got nothing, absolutely NOTHING to do with part 1!
I bet you'll scream 'Oh my gooooood!' after watching this 'masterpiece' :-)

Wiki ~ Imdb

Don't forget to read about the two Troll 3s!!


29 March 2010

THE FOURTH KIND


THE FOURTH KIND

Alternate Title:
The 4th Kind

German Title:
Die vierte Art

USA, 2009
Director: Olatunde Osunsamni

8/10





An ansolutely excellent mockumentary about alien abduction, very suspenseful and thrilling with a brilliant cast (most notably the fabulous
Milla Jovovich), a great story, beautiful settings and wonderful cinematography. Highlights are the 'real footage vs. recreated footage'-scenes: there were some incredible jump-scares that nearly made my heart stop. Terrific work!

SATAN'S BLADE

SATAN'S BLADE

USA, 1984
Director: L. Scott Castillo Jr.

4/10











An ok but unspectacular 80s slasher, a bit similar to "Iced", with a great score, decent atmosphere, some nice kills and a pretty surprising twist ending - sadly it's often extremely tedious and slow, the acting is weak, most of the dialogue is terribly lame and the ending is rather disappointing.

28 March 2010

NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR


NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR

Alternate Title:
Shiver

USA, 1985
Directors: John Carr, Phillip Marshak, Tom McGowan, Jay Schlossberg-Cohen, Gregg C. Tallas

1,5/10






Undoubtedly one of the worst and cheesiest horror movies ever made. It was actually edited from 3 unfinished lowest-budget-flicks (Marilyn Alive And Behind Bars / The Death Wish Club / Cataclysm) which was a really bad idea because you simply cannot make a good movie out of 3 bad ones.
The whole thing is one big mess: nothing fits together, nothing makes sense. The acting is laughable, the dialogue is terrible, the effects are awfully bad. Some entertaining gore and some hilarious death scenes but overall it's just crap.

26 March 2010

THE BURROWERS


THE BURROWERS

German Title:
The Burrowers - Das Böse unter der Erde

USA, 2008
Director: J.T. Petty

6/10







A pretty interesting blend of horror and western, highly atmospheric and suspenseful with a quite good cast, an interesting and well-written story and some really terrific-lookingcreatures. Unfortunately the dialogue is often pretty dull and it's overall way too slow andtedious.

21 March 2010

The HOUSE series


HOUSE

Alternate Title:
House: Ding Dong, You're Dead

Alternate German Titles:
House - Das Horrorhaus / House 1 - Das Horror-Haus

USA, 1986
Director: Steve Miner

7/10


I loved it when i was a kid and more than 15 years later I still like it.
Fairly entertaining haunted house comedy, very amusing and funny, but also pretty scary and tense. Nice story, gorgeous effects, good cast (especially the great George Wendt), nice score. Not a masterpiece but definitely a perfect popcorn flick.

Wiki ~ Imdb





HOUSE II: THE SECOND STORY

German Title:
House 2 - Das Unerwartete

USA, 1987
Director: Ethan Wiley

3/10






Reasons why I don't like House II:
- It has got nearly nothing to do with Part 1.

- It has got nearly nothing to do with a horror movie. It is more of an adventure-comedy.
- It is not scary, not tense, not thrilling. It is just... well, mildly funny.
- I must admit that there's plenty of amusing dialogue and some nice effects, but overall it's just dull and boring.

Wiki ~ Imdb




HOUSE III: THE HORROR SHOW

Alternate Titles:
The Horror Show / House III / House 3

German Titles:
Horror House - House III / Horror House / House III - Der Fluch des Massenmörders

USA, 1989
Director: James Isaac

4/10





Totally unrelated sequel, at least better and more entertaining than Part 2. The story is shit, the script is terrible and full of plot holes, most of the actors are annoying and there's nearly no suspense. However, there's loads of fabulous gore, hilarious effects and amusing scenes.




HOUSE IV

Alternate Titles:
House IV: Home Deadly Home / House IV: The Repossession

German Title:
House 4

USA, 1992
Director: Lewis Abernathy

1/10




Beyond doubt one of the worst movies in history. Absolutely no suspense or tension, every single actor seems to be completely retarded, the special effects are all horribly awful and the plot probably came from the mind of a 3-year-old. Gladly they stopped the House-franchise after this pile of crap.

XTRO


XTRO

Alternate Title:
X-Tro

German Title:
X-Tro - Nicht alle Ausserirdischen sind freundlich

UK, 1983
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport

5/10



Bizarre and fucked up British b-movie classic. Big fun to watch although it's one big mess: a disgusting alien, some alien rapes and alien births, a killer clown, a living plastic soldier, a snake, a killer panther, disgusting slime eggs etc.: yep, director Davenport had just too much ideas at hand.
The script is weak, there's not much suspense and the acting is average, but the special effects and the kills are all pretty great, and the dialogue is in parts very entertaining.

Wiki ~ Imdb





XTRO II: THE SECOND ENCOUNTER

German Title:
X-Tro ...die zweite Begegnung / X-Tro II - Die zweite Begegnung


Canada, 1990
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport

2/10






A boring and utterly unimaginative sequel that totally rips off "Alien" and has absolutely no relation to Part 1. The creature looks great and the gore is quite nice, but apart from that it's much too slow and lengthy, without any tension or suspense. Mediocre actors, a dull plot, ridiculous dialogue - crap.

Wiki ~ Imdb





XTRO 3: WATCH THE SKIES

Alternate Title:
Xtro: Watch The Skies

German Title:
XTRO-3

USA, 1995
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport

1/10




Stupid and horribly cheap kinda-Predator-ripoff, again totally unrelated to its predecessors, again total crap. Laughably bad make-up and special effects, an awful script full of plot holes and continuity errors, super-lame acting and lousy dialogue. Super-crap.

20 March 2010

THE INTRUDER WITHIN

THE INTRUDER WITHIN

Alternate Title:
The Lucifer Rig

German Titles:
Targoor - Reise ins Grauen / Targoor - Das Ding aus dem Inneren der Erde

USA, 1981
Director: Peter Carter

3/10




Quite disappointing made-for-TV 'Alien' rip-off. The acting is quite ok and the 'intruders' look nice - but the film totally fails on creating any suspense or tension and totally bored the hell out of me. Fail.

17 March 2010

THREE... EXTREMES


THREE... EXTREMES

Original Title:
Sam gang yi / Saam gaang yi

Alternate Titles:
3 Extremes

Hong Kong / South Korea / Japan, 2004
Directors:
Fruit Chan (segment 1: Dumplings)
Park Chan-wook (segment 2: Cut)
Takashi Miike (segment 3: Box)

8/10


Three disturbing but brilliant episodes from three amazing Asian directors.
All three films have a very interesting story, a great cast and are beautifully shot. Fruit Chan's shocking and terrifying story about youth obsession and cooked fetusses is clearly the best, but the brutal Saw-like story from Chan-wook and the bizarre segment from Miike are also absolutely breathtaking.
Asian cinema at its best!

16 March 2010

THIRST


THIRST

Original Title:
Bakjwi

German Title:
Durst

South Korea, 2009
Director: Park Chan-wook

8/10



Bizarre but wonderful vampire love story with comic and erotic elements. It sure is too long and some scenes are a bit lengthy, apart from that it's just great. The cast is magnificent (I'm pretty sure that every single actor delivered a brilliant performance - which is very rare!), the plot is brilliantly elaborated and the cinematography is just fantastic.
If you like "Let The Right One In", you'll like "Thirst" too.

13 March 2010

THE HIDDEN 1 & 2

THE HIDDEN

Alternate Title:
Hidden

German Title:
The Hidden - Das unsagbar Böse

USA, 1987
Director: Jack Sholder

6/10






Entertaining action/horror/sci-fi-blend, very fast-paced and action-packed with a clever script and a good cast. Unfortunately there's just too much action and not enough horror in here. Man, it starts so promising: the terrific and super-brutal car chase, the parasite-like alien - and then? Well, just endless average chase scenes and shootouts. No alien, no gore, no brutality - well, I probably just expected something different...

Wiki ~ Imdb



THE HIDDEN II

Alternate Title:
The Hidden II: The Spawning / The Hidden 2

German Titles:
The Hidden II - Das unsagbar Böse lebt weiter

USA, 1993
Director: Seth Pinsker

1/10




Part 1 is a magnificent masterpiece compared to this crap. Seriously, this must be one of the dullest and most boring movies ever made. Unbelievably lengthy, no suspense at all, crappy actors, tacky effects and horrible dialogue.
The first 15 minutes largely consist of scenes from the first part and guess what? Right, these 15 minutes are the only good thing about it.

12 March 2010

THE KISS

THE KISS

German Title:
Der Kuss

Canada / USA, 1988
Director: Pen Densham

6/10







Decent little demon flick that is terribly boring in the first half, but thankfully gets better and better in the second half. A decent cast, great atmosphere, a couple of nice kills and a brilliant finale - nothing special but definitely entertaining.

11 March 2010

BAD DREAMS

BAD DREAMS

German Title:
Vision der Dunkelheit

USA, 1988
Director: Andrew Fleming

8/10






Absolutely brilliant 80s horror flick, sadly quite underrated. It's pretty tense and atmospheric but it also has its amusing moments. There's plenty of amazing deaths, loads of gore and some great scares. The acting is proper and the soundtrack is very entertaining (Sid Vicious, Guns N' Roses etc.).
The plot may be not very unique and borrows elements from the Elm Street series, but that doesn't bother me. This is a top notch must-see.

ALONE

ALONE

Original Title:
Faet

Thailand, 2007
Directors: Banjong Pisanthanakum & Parkpoom Wongpoom

7/10








Eerie and intelligent Thai-flick, not fully satisfying (a bit too lengthy in the first third, sometimes much too predictable) but overall an Asian quality product with great actors, amazing atmosphere, an interesting plot and some fantastic scares (there was one scene that made me scream out really loud - something that doesn't happen that often :-).

10 March 2010

THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE

THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE

German Title:
Der Exorzismus von Emily Rose

USA, 2005
Director: Scott Derrickson

5/10






I really, really wanted to like this more than the overrated Exorcist, but I couldn't. The main problem with 'Emily Rose' is that it can't decide between scary horror movie and average courtroom drama. The horror scenes with the possessed Emily are very creepy and haunting, whereas the courtroom scenes make you feel as if you watch some mediocre made-for-TV-movie.

I also disliked the fact that after the climax (the breathtaking failed-exorcism-scene) there were still more than 30 minutes left where nothing of importance happened.
Disappointing.

THE BUNKER

THE BUNKER

UK, 2001
Director: Rob Green

5/10









Interesting but sadly only mildly entertaining blend of war film and ghost story. A bit slow-paced but quite promising in the beginning, very tense and creepy in the middle, very disappointing in the end.

08 March 2010

THE CHURCH

This review is part of the film club
from Final Girl, the blog of all blogs!


THE CHURCH

Original Title:
La Chiesa

Alternate Titles:
Demons 3 / Cathedral Of Demons

Italy, 1989
Director: Michele Soavi

10/10


Undoubtedly the best of Michele Soavi's 4 horror-masterpieces and IMO one of the best horror movies ever made. With a little help from Dario Argento, who produced and co-wrote "The Church", Soavi created an indescribably weird but totally unique and extremely impressive film, highly tense and suspenseful, incredibly creepy and atmospheric.
Visually it's absolutely stunning with some excellent camera work (many fantastic shots, some outstanding tracking shots), great lighting, terrific coloring and loads of brilliant-looking settings. It's also packed with loads of absolutely remarkable pictures and scenes, f.e. the medieval massacre, the ripped out heart, the pneumatic drill suicide, the white-faced demon, the "Keep"-like scene with the cross falling into the ground, the smashing Metro-scene etc. etc.
There's also some fabulous music from Goblin, Philipp Glass & Keith Emerson, a nice story and some entertaining acting performances, plus one of Asia Argento's first film appearances!
If there's only one Italian horror flick you're going to see before you die, then it's gotta be "The Church".

07 March 2010

MIRROR MIRROR

MIRROR MIRROR

Alternate Title:
Mirror, Mirror

USA, 1990
Director: Marina Sargenti

7/10








A weird but wonderful and pretty atmospheric revenge tale. The plot sucks and the first third is a bit dull and reminds too much of the terrible parts 4 & 7 from the
Amityville series. After that it fortunately gets better with some visually stunning shots, a bunch of pretty tense scenes, a few great kills and a marvellous looking Rainbow Harvest.

Wiki ~ Imdb



MIRROR MIRROR II: RAVEN DANCE

Alternate Title:
Raven Dance

German Title:
Devil Dance

USA, 1994
Director: Jimmy Lifton

1/10




Unbelievably bad and boring sequel with a highly illogical plot, a bunch of terribly poor actors and actually no single memorable scene. One big pile of shit.

06 March 2010

TERRORVISION

TERRORVISION

Alternate Title:
Terror Vision

USA, 1986
Director: Ted Nicolaou

6/10








Holy tomato, TerrorVision is one unbelievably hilarious cheesefest, very amusing and trashy, with extremely tacky effects, a gorgeous
space monster, a bunch of totally freaked out characters and some damned funny one-liners (f.e. "Hey little dude, you like metal? Kiss the boot." - "Kiss the ass, bozo."). This movie is so crap, you just have to love it.

04 March 2010

976-EVIL 1 & 2


976-EVIL

USA, 1988
Director: Robert Englund

2/10










Robert Englund's directorial debut - a strange but pointless mess. Man, this could have been waaay better if it wouldn't be so goddamned slow, tedious and unsuspenseful. Apart from that most of the actors are absolutely annoying and the effects are mostly poor. Gladly Englund went back to his roots after this rubbish.

Wiki ~ Imdb






976-EVIL 2: THE ASTRAL FACTOR

Alternate Titles:
976-EVIL II / 967-EVIL II: The Return

German Title:
Astral Factor

USA, 1992
Director: Jim Wynorski

4/10




No masterpiece but thankfully a whole lot better than the ineffable first part. Again we get a pointless plot and some cheap effects but at least it has some tension/suspense, a solid cast and some really memorable scenes (f.e. the kitchen attack and the zombie TV scene).

DEADLY GAME

DEADLY GAME

Original Title:
Complexx

The Netherlands, 2006
Director: Robert Arthur Jansen

3/10






Lame low budget variation on the classic slasher formula. The plot is great and there are some creepy moments in the first half, but overall it's pretty dull: annoying actors, no suspense, terrible script and a superboring score.
Let's just say it's about as bad as that other Dutch flick.

03 March 2010

The MANIAC COP series


MANIAC COP

USA, 1988
Director: William Lustig

7/10










A highly enjoyable blend of slasher and cop movie. It has its weak moments and the story is often a bit lame, but most of the time it's quite cool. Lots of great suspense, nice action and a few brilliantly funny scenes. The kills are all pretty great, the killer cop looks just stunning, and Bruce Campbell & Tom Atkins are always a joy.

Wiki ~ Imdb





MANIAC COP 2

USA, 1990
Director: William Lustig

3/10










Bruce Campbell gets killed off within the first 15 minutes and the maniac cop is now a fireproof kinda-zombie and, for whatever reason, it's paacked with annoying actors that seemed to have lost their shavers... come on!
This sequel sucks. A few good kills and some nice over-the-top-action but overall it's just lame, tedious and forgettable trash.

Wiki ~ Imdb





MANIAC COP 3: BADGE OF SILENCE

Alternate Title:
Maniac Cop III: Badge Of Silence

German Title:
Maniac Cop 3

USA, 1993
Director: William Lustig & Joel Soisson

4/10



Stupid and unnecessary sequel, yet surprisingly a bit more entertaining than Part 3. The plot is horrid, the first half is quite lengthy/boring and nearly all of the characters are annoying. At least there are some really funny kills and the thrilling car chase scene with the burning cop is hilariously brilliant.

TERROR TRAIN

TERROR TRAIN

Alternate Title:
Train Of Terror

German Title:
Monster im Nachtexpress

USA, 1980
Director: Roger Spottiswoode

5/10




Decent slasher, highly overrated. A movie that tries real hard to be surprising and unpredictable - but actually is completely unsurprising and predictable. Aside from that the first hour is very slow-paced and unsuspenseful. At least the killer's masks are great and the last half hour is really tense and creepy, plus: I totally enjoyed the gorgeous cast (superhot scream queen
Jamie Lee Curtis, David Copperfield, Ben Johnson).

THE KINDRED

THE KINDRED

German Title:
Anthony

USA, 1987
Director: Stephen Carpenter & Jeffrey Obrow

7/10








Pretty good monster flick. The story is not top notch and there are huge plot holes in it, but apart from that there's nothing wrong here: good actors, plenty of suspense, plenty of gore, surprisingly brilliant effects and the great-looking hybrid Anthony.
Definitely an underrated 80s gem.

02 March 2010

OPEN GRAVES

OPEN GRAVES

USA / Spain, 2009
Director: Álvaro de Arminán

5/10









Average but somehow entertaining blend of 'Jumanji' and 'Final Destination'. The biggest problem of the movie is the CGI which looks so terribly tacky, it's ridiculous. Apart from that I had a nice time watching it: nice plot, good script and it surprisingly never gets boring.

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