30 April 2010

LEGION


LEGION

USA, 2010
Director: Scott Charles Stewart

4/10










This movie could have been good, really good. It has a decent cast (Paul Bettany, Lucas Black...), brilliant-looking special effects, a bunch of great-looking creatures/monsters and a fantastic soundtrack. 
Unfortunately, it also has 3 major flaws that make it not enjoyable for the greater part:
#1. The story: it's pretty confusing and makes not much sense.

#2. The script: horribly written and paced, with loads of horribly tedious scenes.
#3. The dialogue scenes: there are just too many of them and they are all so lengthy and boring, it's absolutely annoying.
Overall, a pretty huge disappointment

GHOSTHOUSE

GHOSTHOUSE

Original Title:
La Casa 3
(unofficial sequel to Evil Dead 1 & 2 which were released as "La Casa" and "La Casa 2" in Italy)

Italy / USA, 1988
Director: Umberto Lenzi (as Humphrey Humbert)

2/10




A terrible low point in Italian horror history - what was the great Lenzi thinking? One of the worst casts I've seen in my life, the effects were largely shit, the soundtrack was horribly annoying and there was absolutely nothing scary or tense about it. Some good gore scenes but that's it.
I totally understand why Lenzi hid behind a pseudonym...

28 April 2010

BROKEN


BROKEN

UK, 2006
Director: Adam Mason & Simon Boyes

3/10









Dull and pointless torture crap. There are some brilliantly gruesome scenes that I really like (razorblade in belly, various leg injuries, the nasty ending) but overall it's pretty lame: bad acting, poor dialogue, boring soundtrack, nearly no plot, no tension, no suspense.

MAYA


MAYA

Italy / Venezuela, 1989
Director: Marcello Avallone

7/10










I absolutely don't understand why this movie is completely overlooked and almost forgotten. It's a true Italo-gem, extremely atmospheric and creepy (including some nice jump-scares) with a decent cast, brilliant death scenes, wonderful cinematography and some great special effects.
Marcello Avallone could have been a great horror director just like Fulci or Argento - unfortunately "Maya" and "Specters" were his only horror flicks; he is probably Italy's most underrated filmmaker from this genre.

27 April 2010

BURIAL GROUND


BURIAL GROUND

Original Title:
Le notti del terrore

Alternate Titles:
Burial Ground: The Nights Of Terror / The Nights Of Terror / The Zombie Dead / Zombie 3 / Zombi Horror

German Titles:
Die Rückkehr der Zombies / Zombie 3 - Die Rückkehr der Zombies

Italy, 1981
Director: Andrea Bianchi

4/10


Super-cheesy and incredibly bad Italo-zombie-trash, yet it's extremely unintentionally amusing and therefore pretty entertaining. Terrible acting, absolutely horrible dialogue, an incredibly annoying and monotous soundtrack, a huge amount of completely stupid scenes and the crappiest zombies I've ever seen.
Anyway, the settings look nice, there's plenty of great gore and Peter Bark's performance (he's a 24-year old midget playing a 12-year old boy) is one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen.

THE HOUSE WITH LAUGHING WINDOWS



Original Title:
La casa dalle finestre che ridono

Alternate Title:
The House Of The Laughing Windows

Italy, 1976
Director: Pupi Avati

9/10



A wonderful and extremely underrated late Giallo from the extremely underrated Pupi Avati. Incredibly atmospheric, creepy and suspenseful with a surprisingly terrific cast, scary and wonderful-looking settings, an extremely interesting plot, some unbelievably thrilling scenes and a mindblowingly outstanding ending. Highly recommended to every Italo-fan!

26 April 2010

NEKRomantik 1 & 2


NEKRomantik

Germany, 1987
Director: Jörg Buttgereit

7/10










Undoubtedly one of the grossest and most disgusting movies ever made. If there's one German horror movie you wanna watch before you die, this one must be it. Nasty, shocking, disturbing and taboo-breaking from beginning to the end. The acting is lame and the dialogue is horrid but this is excusable, considering the wonderful soundtrack, the interesting cinematography and the amazing effects. NEKRomantik is a film you absolutely will never forget.

Wiki ~ Imdb



NEKRomantik 2

Alternate German Title:
Nekromantik 2 - Die Rückkehr der liebenden Toten

Germany, 1991
Director: Jörg Buttgereit

7/10






Extremely interesting and intelligent sequel that goes into a different direction but is still as good as the first part. A bit too long and tedious but thankfully with better acting and better dialogue. Again we get an amazing soundtrack, brilliant disturbingly effects and some fantastic cinematography, plus a huge amount of gore and some really unsettling scenes.
Overall not that disturbing, but rather more emotional. Still it's one hell of a shocker.

TAXIDERMIA


TAXIDERMIA

German Titles:
Taxidermia - Friss oder stirb / Taxidermia - Der Ausstopfer

Hungary / Austria / France, 2006
Director: György Pálfi

8/10






Not really a horror movie, but sure one of the weirdest and most disturbing films I've ever seen. You like penises that begin to burn whilst masturbating, speed-eaters vomiting almost endlessly, giant house cats eating their overweight masters? Well, then this is the movie for you. A gross and bizarre but also intelligent and impressive work of art with amazing cinematography, awesome acting and a great soundtrack.

24 April 2010

The FROM DUSK TILL DAWN series


FROM DUSK TILL DAWN

USA, 1996
Director: Robert Rodriguez

8/10










Highly entertaining and completely wacko action-horror-flick which is actually 2 movies: a good and tarantinoesque crime-story in the first half, a fabulous vampire-gorefest in the second.
- Pros: an absolutely magnificent cast (Clooney, Lewis, Keitel, Savini, Tarantino, Hayek, Trejo ...), brilliantly hilarious dialogue
("What's you name, girlie?" -
"Kate. What's yours?" - "Sex Machine. Pleased to meet you, Kate."),

loads of terrific gore and action, a great soundtrack and some impressive special effects.
- Cons: a bit too slow in the first half and the ending is lame
Nevertheless, it's a cool and refreshing take on the vampire genre, best enjoyed with a bottle of beer and a bag of Nachos.

FROM DUSK TILL DAWN 2: TEXAS BLOOD MONEY

USA, 1999
Director: Scott Spiegel

4/10










 An underwhelming and rather pointless sequel. Starts out pretty good in the first half: lots of gore, lots of action, gorgeous nudity, cool camera work, amusing dialogue, fun cameos from Bruce Campbell and Danny Trejo and at least one really awesome scene (the one where they talk about the Mexican porn movie).
Unfortunately the second half totally disappointed me:
I realized how lame the plot actually is, 
I realized that the script writers totally ran out of ideas (that solar eclipse... aw c'mon!)
and then in the last third I completely lost the interest about the movie because of many, many tedious and unfunny scenes, and an uber-uber-lame finale.
Overall, not as bad as I expected, but still nothing special.

FROM DUSK TILL DAWN 3: THE HANGMAN'S DAUGHTER

USA, 1999
Director: P. J. Pesce

6/10










A weird but pretty cool prequel, way better than Part 2. Starts out with an impressive opening, gets quite dull and slow afterwards, but gladly ends with a terrifically entertaining finale that can definitely hold a candle to the original.
Loads of brilliant gore, loads of wonderful nudity, loads of wonderful-looking vampires. An interesting plot, a great soundtrack, some great atmosphere, good camera work and some ace dialogue
("Are you an atheist?" - "Yes ma'am. Thanks to your god, I am an Atheist." - "Then there is no hope for you on the final day. When Gabriel blows his horn, your ears will be deaf... to the resounding tone of its glory." - "On the contrary: when Gabriel blows his horn, I shall be playing the tuba." - LOL).
Pity that many of the actors are either unconvincing or annoying, and there are just too many questions left unanswered.

23 April 2010

THE AWAKENING

THE AWAKENING

German Title:
Das Erwachen der Sphinx

UK, 1980
Director: Mike Newell

4/10





Wonderfully atmospheric but sadly quite lengthy and boring mystery-horror. The cast is good and there are also a bunch of nice deaths, but there's just not enough tension or suspense, and the story is also not particularly interesting.

SLUGS

SLUGS

Original Title:
Slugs, muerte viscosa

Alternate Title:
Slugs: The Movie

German Alternate Title:
Schnecken

Spain / USA, 1988
Director: Juan Piquer Simón

4/10


Quite entertaining but ridiculous and unspectacular 80s trashfest that doesn't care about the plot (which is lame), the dialogue (which is terrible) and the acting (which is largely lousy). Anyway, the effects are mostly pretty good, the gore is top notch and the soundtrack is excellent.

20 April 2010

THE SLAYER


THE SLAYER

Alternate Title:
Nightmare Island

USA, 1982
Director: J. S. Cardone

7/10









Completely underrated and forgotten kinda-slasher with a plot that could have inspired Wes Craven to do A Nightmare On Elm Street.
A bit too slow in the beginning but over time it gets more and more tense. The settings are beautiful (especially the abandoned theater), the kills are gory and thrilling, and the dream sequences are brilliant. The acting is solid, the ending is pretty interesting and the edge-of-your-seat-scenes are amazing. Highly recommended!

MOTHER'S DAY (1980)


MOTHER'S DAY

German Title:
Muttertag

USA, 1980
Director: Charles Kaufman

6/10







Pretty nice and black-humoured but IMO quite overrated backwoods/exploitation classic. Not as gory or violent as I expected it to be, still the kills are all absolutely brilliant. The characters are all pretty interesting and the finale is just awesome. However, it's just not tense or suspenseful enough and in the middle it's often way too dull and boring.

PIECES


PIECES

Original Title:
Mil gritos tiene la noche

Alternate Title:
Chainsaw Devil

German Titles:
Pieces - Stunden des Wahnsinns / Pieces - Der Kettensägenkiller

Spain / USA / Puerto Rico, 1982
Director: Juan Piquer Simón

8/10


Supercheesy and unintentionally hilarious but absolutely brilliant slasher classic.
Horrible plot? Dreadful dialogue? Lame cast? Characters that constantly doing illogical and pointless things? Nevermind! 'Pieces' has some great tension, wonderful atmosphere, an insane amount of gore (believe me, it is that gory all the time!) and some absolutely priceless moments you'll never ever forget (the kung-fu teacher that ate bad chop suey and therefore kicks people at night, the undercover cop who is also a tennis champion and loves to scream the word 'Bastard', the boy who hacks his mother to pieces because she discovered his porn mags, etc. etc. etc.).

A damn terrific cheese-masterpiece :-)

19 April 2010

PIG


PIG

USA, 2010
Director: Adam Mason

2/10











Extremely sick, violent, brutal, disgusting and gross torture-porn, unfortunately much too long, slow and boring. Beginning and ending were really great, everything in between was absolutely lame and annoying, especially because of the dull soundtrack, the bad dialogue and that horribly annoying preggo/retard chick.

16 April 2010

FRANKENHOOKER


FRANKENHOOKER

USA, 1990
Director: Frank Henenlotter

9,5/10










IMO undoubtedly Frank Henenlotter's masterpiece, a super-hilarious and completely freaked out take on the Frankenstein story, full of brillantly funny ideas, laughably weird characters, terrific dialogue and an amazingly huge amount of nudity, electricity and exploding bodies/body parts.

DEMONIC TOYS

DEMONIC TOYS

USA, 1992
Director: Peter Manoogian

6/10











Hilarious toy-horror fun flick which turned out to be better than I expected. Pretty neat gore, some very funny dialogue and a whole load of brilliant toy-monsters. I especially enjoyed the consistently laughing Jack Attack and the shit-talking Oopsy Daisy baby ("I can walk, I can talk, I can even shit my pants. Can you shit your pants?").
Grab some beer and popcorn and enjoy!

THE CELLAR


THE CELLAR

German Title:
Anthony II - Die Bestie kehrt zurück
(released in Germany as a sequel to "The Kindred" - for whatever reason)

USA, 1989
Director: Kevin S. Tenney

4/10






A quite passable creature feature, quite tense and thrilling in the first half, sadly waaay too tedious and boring in the second half. The acting is solid and there's some fabulous atmosphere, unfortunately the script is horribly messed up and the special / make-up effects look pretty tacky.

15 April 2010

NIGHTMARE CITY

NIGHTMARE CITY

Original Title:
Incubo sulla città contaminata

Alternate Titles:
City Of The Walking Dead / Invasion By The Atomic Zombies

German Titles:
Großangriff der Zombies / Zombies in der Stadt des Todes / Zombies - Der Großangriff

Italy / Mexico / Spain, 1980
Director: Umberto Lenzi

7,5/10


I expected nothing of it and ended up completely surprised. Despite some cheap effects and corny acting, it is undoubtedly one of the best and most original non-Romero zombie-flicks. Pretty tense and action-packed, with a solid script, a great ending, brilliant gore and some of the most impressive zombies from that period.
What I enjoy most of 'Nightmare City' is the brilliant atmosphere which constantly radiates hopelessness and helplessness. Once the zombies are loose, there seems to be absolutely no hope left for humanity.

13 April 2010

CELLAR DWELLER


CELLAR DWELLER

German Title:
Underground Werewolf

USA, 1988
Director: John Carl Buechler

4/10








Highly amusing creature feature trashfest that has got 'Cheese' written all over it. Some tension, some atmosphere, a solid cast and some ok gore. Special effects are mostly tacky and the creature definitely doesn't look scary.
The best scenes are the comicbook/reality scenes, especially because the 'Cellar Dweller' looks always way more creepier in the comics than in reality.

12 April 2010

ALICE, SWEET ALICE


ALICE, SWEET ALICE

Alternate Titles:
Communion / Holy Terror

German Title:
Communion - Messe des Grauens

USA, 1976
Director: Alfred Sole

8/10



Highly atmospheric and intelligent horror thriller with some slasher- and giallo-elements. Extremely tense and thrilling with a great cast, an eerie score, uber-beautiful cinematography, some very memorable kills and a fantastic script full of excellent red herrings and plot twists.
To me this was a huge surprise: never thought that this would be that great.

POPCORN

POPCORN

Alternate Title:
Phantom Of The Cinema

German Title:
Skinner ...lebend gehäutet

USA, 1991
Director: Mark Herrier, Alan Ormsby

6/10



Pretty original and amusing tribute to the schlock horror from the 50s with fantastic settings, unique kills and an awful lot of brilliant ideas (the invented horror movies, the audience's costumes, the mechanical mosquito, the shock clock...). Unfortunately the plot is quite weak, the script is lame, it's often pretty tedious and a few characters are unbearably annoying.

08 April 2010

AUTOPSY


AUTOPSY

USA, 2008
Director: Adam Gierasch

7/10












Weird and fucked up, but highly entertaining splatterfest, at times a bit lengthy but apart from that a top notch fun flick with great settings, a brilliant script, loads of gore and disembodied body parts, as well as some amazing jump-scares that nearly made my heart stop.

ONE DARK NIGHT

ONE DARK NIGHT

Alternate Title:
Entity Force / Mausoleum / Night Of Darkness / Dark Night / Night In The Crypt

German Titles:
Dark Night - Sie greifen nach den Lebenden / Sie greifen nach den Lebenden

USA, 1983
Director: Tom McLoughlin

9/10


Wow, what a surprise: didn't expected it to be that good. Weird but brilliant supernatural kinda-zombie-flick, extremely tense and atmospheric, with a solid cast, a splendid score, beautiful cinematography and a wonderful setting (that mausoleum just looks stunning).
Totally a must-see; they don't make films like this anymore.

06 April 2010

YOUR VICE IS A LOCKED ROOM AND I ONLY HAVE THE KEY


YOUR VICE IS A LOCKED ROOM AND ONLY I HAVE THE KEY

Original Title:
Il tuo vizio è una stanza chiusa e solo io ne ho la chiave

Alternate Title:
Eye Of The Black Cat / Gently Before She Dies

German Title:
Die nymphomane Killerin

Italy, 1972
Director: Sergio Martino

6/10


Pretty weird and strange giallo, far from bad but also far from amazing. A great cast, wonderful score, nice kills and some very tense scenes - sadly it's often much too lengthy and the script is definitely too unfocused.
Plus points for the awesome ending and of course for the brilliant title.

BLOOD AND BLACK LACE


BLOOD AND BLACK LACE

Original Title:
Sei donne per l'assassino

Alternate Title:
Fashion House Of Death / Six Women For The Murderer

German Titles:
Blutige Seide / Der Würger mit der Maske

Italy, 1964
Director: Mario Bava

9/10


One of the earliest and most genre-defining gialli; a wonderful whodunit, very tense and thrilling, with a great cast, beautiful cinematography, outstanding and brilliant settings, an excellent score and a fantastic-looking killer.
You know that you will love this film after watching the first few minutes which are so intense and colourful, it's incredible.

05 April 2010

THE REEDS


THE REEDS

UK, 2009
Director: Nick Cohen

3/10











After seeing the trailer I had very high hopes for it - sadly the trailer is the only satisfying thing about "The Reeds".
The first half hour is quite great, with wonderful settings, great atmosphere and good actors - but then it goes downhill pretty fast. Less and less tension, loads of illogical scenes, boredom. The biggest problem about it is the script/plot which is extremely confusing and abstruse; the end twist is just disappointing.
A real bummer.

TORSO

TORSO

Original Title:
I corpi presentano tracce di violenza carnale

Alternate Titles:
Carnal Violence

German Title:
Die Säge des Teufels

Italy, 1973
Director: Sergio Martino

7/10


Pretty underrated and overlooked Giallo, very thrilling and atmospheric, but also extremely erotic. The story is quite thin and the ending a bit disappointing, but overall it's absolutely top-notch with loads of beautiful girls and glorious nudity, gory kills and extremely suspenseful scenes, plus: a brilliant-looking killer.

04 April 2010

BERSERKER

BERSERKER

Alternate Title:
Berserker: The Nordic Curse

USA, 1987
Director: Jefferson Richard

1/10









Unbelievably stupid slasher, extremely boring and ludicrous. The acting is awfully bad, the script is a joke, the gore is unfortunately completely unimpressive and the score is just laughable. Pure waste of time.

03 April 2010

GRIZZLY

GRIZZLY

Alternate Title:
Killer Grizzly

German Title:
Grizzly - Tödliche Klauen

USA, 1976
Director: William Girdler

4/10




A halfway ok but pretty unnecessary crazed-animal-kills-people flick, highly unoriginal, predictable and extremely reminiscent of Jaws. The Grizzly scenes are all pretty tense and gory, the rest is mostly boring and tedious, and filled with many dull actors and tiresome dialogue lines.

THE DEADLY SPAWN


THE DEADLY SPAWN

Alternate Titles:
Return Of The Aliens: The Deadly Spawn / Return Of The Alien's Deadly Spawn / The Alien's Deadly Spawn

German Title:
Kosmokiller - Sie fressen alles

USA, 1983
Director: Douglas McKeown

7/10


Hell yeah, one helluva entertaining trashfest: "Deadly Spawn" is a quite terrific alien/creature-feature b-movie, surprisingly pretty tense and suspenseful, but also extremely amusing and outstandingly gory and disgusting (includes some of the 80s' greatest gore scenes), with a really nice score, loads of funny dialogue, some decent actors and a pretty good script. An 80s must-see!

METAMORPHOSIS: THE ALIEN FACTOR


METAMORPHOSIS: THE ALIEN FACTOR
(originally entitled and filmed as "Deadly Spawn 2: The Metamorphosis",  intended to be a sequel to "The Deadly Spawn")

German Title:
Metamorphosis / Metmorphosis (Cosmo Killer 2) / Metamorphosis - Kosmokiller 2

USA, 1990
Director: Glenn Takakjian

3/10




A super-cheesy Alien/creature/mutant/whatever trashfest in the vein of Syngenor. There are some cool The Thing-like effects and the monsters all look just gorgeous - as for the rest it's filled with loads of lame actors, the script is horribly written and paced, the dialogue is laughable, there's absolutely no suspense or tension and many of the special effects are so shoddy, it's incredible.

THE FINAL


THE FINAL

USA, 2010
Director: Joey Stewart

6/10












Quite decent and rousing revenge movie but not as good as I thought it would be. The plot is great, the characters are all credible and the torture scenes are brilliant - sadly the dialogue is weak, the script is one disappointing mess and the second half is often way too slow.

02 April 2010

JENNIFER'S BODY


JENNIFER'S BODY

USA, 2009
Director: Karyn Kusama

6/10










Nice horror-comedy which could have been much better. The first third is absolutely magnificent and full of brilliant ideas - unfortunately it goes downhill from here, mainly because of the weak script from Oscar-winner Diablo Cody who desperately tried to merge indie comedy and horror movie - but failed.
There's some superb dialogue, beautiful cinematography and a great cast - but there's also some boredom and a weak plot full of unanswered questions.


01 April 2010

The SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE series

THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE

Alternate Titles:
Slumber Party Massacre / Slumber Party / The Slumber Party Murders / Slumberparty Massacre

USA, 1982
Director: Amy Holden Jones

9/10




Huge surprise: this one is way, waaay better than I expected it to be. A brilliantly entertaining 80s teen slasher, extremely tense and atmospheric but also pretty amusing, with funny dialogue, a top notch killer, lots of great scares, lots of amazing gore and lots of impressive kills. Simply terrific!

Wiki ~ Imdb



SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II

German Title:
Slumber Party Massacre

USA, 1987
Director: Deborah Brock

2/10







Cheese, cheese, cheese! Seriously, one of the cheesiest and dumbest slasher movies I've seen so far. Full of unlikeable stupid teenies talking crap, drinking cheap champagne and listening to lousy music. There's no tension, no creepiness, no atmosphere. The killer is a moron who constantly laughs in a very annoying way or sings shitty rock'n'roll shit, and his kills are quite lame. The 3 only reasons why I give this piece of a crap not a 1/10:
the driller guitar looks ace and there are even 2 pretty nice scenes (the bathroom blood flooding and the girl with the monstrous pimple.

Wiki ~ Imdb



SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE III

Alternate Titles:
Stab In The Dark / Slumber Party Massacre 3

USA, 1990
Director: Sally Mattison

4/10







A bit better than Part 2 but still no improvement on the original. Starts out very promising in the first half with some decent atmosphere, a little suspense and 3 great kills. Annoyingly, they completely fucked it up in the second half: the story is stupid and full of plot holes, the killer is revealed much too early and sadly he's a lame and whiny dork, the kills are unimpressive and nearly all the characters doing terribly illogical things.

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