July 26, 2011

Project Terrible - SKELETON KEY 2: 667 THE NEIGHBOR OF THE BEAST

SKELETON KEY 2:
667 THE NEIGHBOR OF THE BEAST


USA, 2008
Director: John Johnson

-1/10









This is of course no sequel to "The Skeleton Key" with Kate Hudson,
it's the sequel to John Johnson's z-grade trashfest "Skeleton Key".

Haven't seen Part 1 and I'm sure I never will.
Why? Because now after watching Part 2, I have no further interest in any other John Johnson movies.
"Skeleton Key 2" is undoubtedly the absolute worst film I have seen in my entire life - not because it's badly made or horribly amateurish, but because it's sooooo unbe-fucking-lievably annoying.


Over the entire 120 minutes (yes, this piece of shit is that long!!!), there is absolutely no single scene or thing that was funny or entertaining or thrilling (or anything) in any way.

Every single character in here was horrible and annoying,
especially the stupid main character,
the totally unbearable guy with the high-pitched voice,
the almost unbearable Jamaican douchebag, 
all the super-silly and quite ugly girls,
dumb-looking blue-face zombies,
bloodsucking leprechauns,
the naked chef with his rubber chicken
and countless other crappy characters.
Worst of all: a green kinda-Satan who loves to watch screwing people while shaking pom poms.


Other things that annoyed me:
* 2-3 super-horrible musical numbers about 'taking shits' and 'puttin' on the shits',
* people who shit and vomit all over the place (2 girls 1 cup comes to mind),
* a huge amount of really, REALLY imbecile dialogue lines,
* terrible camera work, terrible lighting, ugly settings
*horrible editing, shoddy CGI effects
and the worst gore I've seen in a long time.

Oh Mondo Bizarro, what have you done to me.
This was worse than 'worst', this was almost inhuman.


Imdb

Next up is Mondo with the croc-schlock-disaster "Blood Surf"!

10 comments:

  1. A -1 out 0f 10?! LOL. I've never seen a rating like this before. Skeleton Key 2 must be really awful. You're a true cinematic survivor, Harry :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is why I stopped after fifteen minutes. This movie was just bad.

    I almost feel bad for you...almost.

    By the way, you may want to watch out for spammers. This is why I allow free posting, BUT I approve them before they go up.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Believe me: is it that awful.
    It's a really cruel cinematic torture.
    I'm sure they used it on Guantanamo Bay to torment innocent prisoners :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Tim:
    Thank you for your sympathy :-)

    Most of the spam gets filtered by Blogger.
    I delete the rest that comes through.

    ReplyDelete
  5. It may not be a sequel to The Skeleton Key with Kate Hudson, but it sure does steal its poster idea from that movie! Heinous!

    And thanks for the warning - will avoid this movie like the plague.

    ReplyDelete
  6. yeah, totally - and yeah, really really heinous.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I feel bad for this movie. I know! maybe i should shoved this down to Hitler's arse. Got a feeling it'll feel belong there.~

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is John Johnson (the schmuck who made this little gem). Did you know there was a part 3!!! Now I know you said you would not watch another one of my flicks... But could I sway you? I would love to hear your thoughts. I wanna a -2 out of 10! I believe I can do it! Contact me! I will send you a free copy! All joking aside, I love the review. Sorry for the torture, and thanks for giving it a peek!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with you John, lets go for an a -2, maybe by the time he reviews FearFighter we'll be at an a -10, that would be sooooo awesome. Echte Geile Scheisse.

      Best Wishes,

      Ueber Tall Zombie is sk2
      wood chuck with real beard in sk3

      ps. doesn't anyone enjoy annoying slap stick anymore?

      Delete
    2. omfg it's you? really? why?? ;-) just joking. Thank you for your comment, you schmuck :D Yeah, I heard that there's a third part (Organ Trail) and I even read that you made a remake of Plan 9 - I admit the Plan 9 teaser looks pretty cool.

      Well, I appreciate the offer. Could you send me all 3 parts? I'm actually some kinda sadomasochist and I'm really interested in doing a review on the whole trilogy - no joke! :D Maybe you can really top the crappiness of #2 with the first or the third film. I'm curious :)

      Oh, and best wishes to you too, Uber Tall Zombie. you were in 2? guess, I already forgot about you :)

      Delete

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