CHESTER A. ARTHUR: SASQUATCH TRAINER

CHESTER A. ARTHUR: SASQUATCH TRAINER
(fake trailer)

USA, 2012
Director: Mark Blitch

9/10

"They killed his wife. They killed his president.
He trained it to kill them all.
This summer... Bet on Chet!"

LOL omg, I loved that. Forget about "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" - this is the movie that we really wanna see: "Chester A. Arthur: Sasquatch Trainer", an absolutely fabulous fake-trailer from Mark Blitch ("The Code", "Take A Hike") about a Chester, a man who trains a Sasquatch to take revenge on his dead wife ("It wasn't Pneumonia. It was murder!") and to save the United States from people who wanna burn them to the ground.

The trailer, which was made for the Filmmaking Frenzy Contest; is excellent and looks as great as Blitch's previous short films. Stunning cinematography, beautiful locations and great colours. The acting is fun, the music is just great, the Sasquatch looks hilarious and the dialogue lines are bloody brilliant

("You have been spending quite a lot of time with that Sasquatch, fellow." - "I may be president of the United States, but my private life is nobody's damned business.")

You have to check it out!
Chester on YouTube

SAVAGE STREETS

SAVAGE STREETS

German Titles:
Savage Streets - Straße der Gewalt / Savage Streets - Die Straßen der Gewalt

USA, 1984

Director: Danny Steinmann

7/10

"Savage Streets" is one of the very few rape-and-revenge flicks made in the 80s, and although it's not as great as uber-classics like "Last House On The Left" or
"I Spit On Your Grave", it's still a surprisingly cool and fabulously entertaining exploitation flicks, and also the only highlight in Danny Steinmann's sparse filmography (his only other movies: porn flick "High Rise", horror flick
"The Unseen" and "Friday The 13th: A New Beginning").

The movie's packed to the brim with hilariously nutty girls and silly supposed-to-be-bad guys, constantly delivering outrageously funny lines
("Go fuck an iceberg." / "I wouldn't fuck him if he had the last dick on earth." / "I don't have the time to kick your ass today. Why don't you try me again tomorrow?" / "Disco sucks... Punk is dead... Give me ROCK... or give me head.").

The acting is pretty good, especially Linda Blair as cheesy badass vigilante, Linnea Quigley as really cute deaf girl, Robert Dryer as abhorrent gang leader and John Vernon as amusing principal. There's lots of cool 80s tunes (John Farnham, Real Life), lots of "cool" 80s clothes, an incredible amount of breathtaking 80s atmosphere, many brutal kills and loads... LOADS of gorgeous nudity.

Highlights: the shocking and disturbing gang-rape scene, the equally shocking scene where a girl gets thrown off a bridge, the stunningly suspenseful crossbow-climax, the uber-fabulous shower catfight and topless Linda Blair in the bathtub.

The middle drags a bit, there's some really bad acting and the pay-off could have been way more epic, way more kick-ass - nevertheless, "Savage Streets" is one helluva must-see exploitation flick. Highly recommended to fans of sleazy 80s awesomeness :-)

Wiki ~ Imdb

VLOG

VLOG
(7minute short)

USA, 2012
Director: Rudy Gold

7/10

Episode #4 in Rudy Gold & Christian Guzman's "Midnight Horror Show" is a visually cool and pretty chilling little short that looks and feels like a blend of "Paranormal Activity" and "The Exorcist".

"Vlog" was shot in a stylish and very-well-looking way; lots of superb angles and zooms, nice settings and great images. It's pretty thrilling and atmospheric, incl. 2-3 really eerie moments and a really creepy soundtrack. Main actor Josh Zagretti delivers a solid and believable performance, the rest of the cast is decent enough.

Apart from the disappointing, predictable and completely unimaginative ending, I really enjoyed "Vlog", and I'm already excited for the next episode!

Watch it here!

Press Release: THE MEAT PUPPET

Currently filming in New Jersey is this year’s new bone chilling horror/thriller “THE MEAT PUPPET". From the mind of Award Winning Actor Keith Collins, along with Silver Phoenix Entertainment, Valenti Vision Films and the pen of NY Emmy Award Winning writer Joseph Pepitone and Billy Pepitone (“Stuck in the Middle”) comes a sadistic thrill fest, full of twists and turns, that is sure to give movie goers the fright of their lives.

"THE MEAT PUPPET" tells the story of Andrew “Drew” Shelton who has it all – looks, money, women and an insatiable taste for human flesh. His vanity is only surpassed by his obsession with finding the perfect tasting meal and it has fueled his appetite for killing, preparing and cooking beautiful women. He throws lavish dinner parties and serves his guests his latest victim and one unlucky guest becomes the main course of his next get together. When a no-nonsense detective starts putting the pieces together, it leads to a game of cat and mouse that only increases the stakes. But is Drew the soul-less, cold-blooded killer that he appears to be? Or is he just the Meat Puppet for a more sadistic mind?

CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE

CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE

Original Title:
Apocalypse domani

Alternate Titles:
Invasion Of The Flesh Hunters / Cannibals In The Streets

German Title:
Asphalt-Kannibalen

Italy / Spain, 1980
Director: Antonio Margheriti (as Anthony M. Dawson)

7/10

When The Cyn first introduced me to  "Cannibal Apocalypse", I wasn't too fond of it, mostly because of so-so director Antonio Margheriti's involvement and the fact, that I absolutely never heard of it, which made me think that it's just another forgettable cannibal flick from the late 70s / early 80s cannibal boom (exceptions like "Cannibal Holocaust" or "Anthropophagus" prove the rule).

Yet, I ended up pretty surprised: this is not only the best movie from Margheriti I've seen so far, it's also one of the best cannibal-films I've seen so far.

Yes, the plot, which revolves about outbreak and spreading of a "cannibal virus", is stupid - but I like it. It's somewhat fascinating, it's different from all the other cannibal-jungle flicks, and it strongly reminded me of classics like "Nightmare City" or "The Crazies" in terms of atmosphere and storytelling.

The first 2 thirds are tense and gripping, incl. a few incredibly suspenseful scenes. Just check the flea-market-sequence: there's not much happening, but it's executed in such a thrilling and intense way, it gave me the creeps.

There's lots of cool and realistic-looking gore, and lots of infected eating / beating / ripping out flesh. The funky soundtrack from one-time-composer Alexander Blonksteiner is amazing, the cinematography is gorgeous and the locations all look neat.

The acting ranges from awesome to ridiculous. John Saxon acts a bit too one-dimensional, Tony King's constant yelling is plain annoying and the horribly silly Cinzi de Carolis is just AWFUL!

However, there are at least 2 actors who deliver superb performances: the amazing Giovanni Lombardo Radice a.k.a. John Morghem ("City Of The Living Dead", "The Church", "The House At The Edge Of The Park") who is absolutely mindblowing as flesh-hungry, slightly delirious ex-Vietnam Vet, and the super-grumpy Wallace Wilkinson who seems to be totally addicted to teargas :-)

~~ "We smoke the bastard out with teargas."

~~ "Are these bastards with the teargas coming or not?"

~~ "Teargas just arrived." - "Oh, that's some good news for a change." 

~~ "I'd like to try something." - "Too late. We're gonna try something ourselves... Teargas."

The last act who mostly takes place in the sewers is pretty dull and boring, and IMO the open ending should have been way more shocking, way more negative - but overall, "Cannibal Apocalypse" is a really cool and enjoyable Italo-potboiler.

Wiki ~ Imdb

Huge Thanks to The Cyn for allowing me the opportunity to see this classic!

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"I EAT YOUR SKIN" (Chilling Classics 50 Movies Pack, #4)

I EAT YOUR SKIN

Original Title:
Zombies

Alternate Titles:
Voodoo Bloodbath / Zombie Bloodbath

USA, 1964/1970
Director: Del Tenney

5/10

Nope, no skin-eating here. In 1964, "Horror Of Party Beach" director Del Tenney shot a movie called "Zombies" about voodoo-zombies on a remote island.

Yes, this title is terribly unoriginal, but not as daft as the original script title "Caribbean Adventure" :-)

"Zombies" sat on the shelf for 6(!) years until the exploitation film studio "Cinemation Industries" finally picked it up, retitled it "I Eat Your Skin" and releases it as a Drive-In double feature together with the cult flick "I Drink Your Blood".

I somewhat enjoyed it. It's a cheesy and badly made but surprisingly entertaining z-grade black-and-white zombie schlockfest. Reminded me a bit of 80s classics like "Zombie Holocaust" or "The Serpent And The Rainbow".

Script and direction are pretty weak, there's lots of poorly used stock footage, and the make-up of the 'undead' looks just hilarious. Are there fried eggs on their eyes? LOL :D
Yet, the soundtrack is funky, the acting is fun (William Joyce as silly playboy novelist, hilarious non-actor Dan Stapleton and the even more hilarious non-actress Betty Hyatt Linton with the most annoying voice I ever heard), the opening montage is cool, the slapstick-like opening scene at the swimming pool is wonderfully goofy, and there are even some funny one-liners.

("What part of heaven did you fly down from?" - "Oh boy. Mr. Harris, I read some of your books and I only hope you're more original in person.").

Campy fun, best enjoyed together with "Bloodlust!".

Wiki ~ Imdb

"MEDUSA" (Chilling Classics 50 Movies Pack, #3)

MEDUSA

Alternate Title:
The Rhodes Incident

German Titles:
Tod auf Rhodos / Cocktail Infernal

Greece / UK, 1973
Director: Gordon Hessler

2/10

"Medusa" is an indescribably boring, indescribably unexciting Greek crime-thriller, that has absolutely NOTHING to do with the snake-haired monster from the Greek mythology.

The 2 only enjoyable things here are:

- Lots of nice Greek folk songs..

- Tan-Master George Hamilton as a silly playboy who appears as drunk Elvis impersonator on weddings and says things like "She's a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle. Some call her Cockerpoo... but I call her Spadoodle.".

Everything else is just awful: NOTHING thrilling or suspenseful, a terrible plot, horrible direction, a horribly paced script, an armada of wooden characters, super-lame acting and shitloads of tiresome dialogue scenes

Meh-dusa...

Imdb

EATERS

EATERS

Alternate Title:
Eaters: Rise Of The Dead

Italy, 2011

Directors: Marco Ristori & Luca Boni

5/10

Ok, we all know that the glorious days of True Italo Horror are long gone and  - but (as I mentioned before) it's nice to see that there are a few young filmmakers up-and-coming who try to revive bits of pieces of that Golden era, like Marco Ristori and Luca Boni: their debut flick "Eaters" is a flawed but fairly enjoyable low-budget post-apocalyptic zombie-road-movie, in terms of atmosphere comparable to European 70s/80s zom-b-movies.

The Good:

Most of the time, it's pretty tense and entertaining; only a few dull scenes in the middle. The 2 main characters (played by Alex Lucchesi and Rosella Elmi) are cool, extremely likable and they constantly drop pretty funny lines.

The plot is interesting and there are many surprisingly great, surprisingly inventive plot points and plot twists. The industrial soundtrack is rocking, the zombie make-up looks great (especially the design of the hilarious 'talking zombies') and there's lots of ace-looking abandoned locations.

Oh, and there's even some outrageous nazisploitation (silly neonazis, a laughable dumb-looking Hitler imitator...).

The Bad:

It's packed with crappy CGI effects, even more crappy practical-effects-mixed-with-awful-CGI (why??) and horrid-looking Bluescreen stuff . Script and direction are so-so, many scenes are too dull and slow-paced, much of the acting plain sucks and the camera work is quite weak.

Far from being a must-see, but worth seeing if you enjoy stuff like "The Zombie Diaries" or "Tooth & Nail".

By the way: don't be put off by Uwe Boll's name on the cover, he's only co-producer/presenter and has nothing to do with the actual movie :-)

Imdb

Big thanks to The Cyn who persuaded me to watch "Eaters" - you were right, it's actually way better than I expected :)

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN

Canada, 2011
Director: Jason Eisener

9/10

Holy fuck, THAT was awesome!!! After the kick-ass "Hobo With A Shotgun" fake trailer for the Tarantino/Rodriguez "Grindhouse" double feature, and the hilarious horror-comedy short film "Treevenge", Canadian director Jason Eisener fully proves that he is one of THE most interesting genre-directors at the moment, because... my goodness, the full-length version of "Hobo With A Shotgun" is simply awesome!

Packed to the brim with outstandingly insane violence and gloriously gruesome kills, all gory, all brutal, all fun. Countless heads smashed and/or decapitated, countless limbs smashed/broken/cut off, throats slashed, intestines ripped out, eyeballs and shit, human piñatas, people showering in blood, tons of shotguns blasting off various body parts, razorblade-baseball-bat brutality, and the shocking, almost disturbing scene where a school bus full of children gets set on fire while The Trammps' "Disco Inferno" is playing in the background.

It's also packed to the brim with absolutely hilarious one-liners:

"Jerk of to this, you child-molesting piece of shit!"

"Put the knife away, kid... or I'll use it to cut welfare checks from your rotten skin."

"I'm gonna wash away my blood... with your blood!"

"Welcome to Fucktown!"

"You look so hot, I just wanna cut my dick off and rub it against your titties."

"You and me are goin' on a car-ride to hell... and you're riding shotgun."

Next to all this over-the-top awesomeness, the movie's is also full of surprisingly emotional and touching moments, thanks to the uber-amazing performances of Rutger Hauer (my gawd, this guy is still sooo fuckin' badass!) and Molly Dunsworth (what a gorgeous hottie!), and the absolutely wonderful, extremely believable relationship between their highly sympathetic characters (Hobo and hooker Abby). 

 ("You can't solve all the world's problems with a shotgun." - "It's all I know.")

Call me nuts but I'd say the movie has more depth and more character development, than most of Hollywood's blockbusters have nowadays.

Other great performances: "Lexx" star Brian Downey as uber-villain Drake, Nick Bateman and Gregory Smith as Drake's sick sons, and Jeremy Akerman as chief of police.

What's more, "Hobo" has an absolutely fantastic look, because of a visually stunning use of almost neon-like technicolor colours, awfully beautiful set pieces and some terrific camera work. The direction is superb, the script is incredibly well written and well paced, it's thrilling and entertaining without ever getting dull or boring, and the kick-ass soundtrack is just rad.

Oh, and the scenes with The Plague or the Lovecraftian tentacles are simply epic.

Forget about "Machete" or "Drive Angry" - THIS is true modern grindhouse exploitation. Bravo and Kudos to Mr. Eisener!

Wiki ~ Imdb

Horror Blog Of The Month: THE FUNHOUSE

Sunshine? Great weather? Nah, I stay in the house... in the FUNhouse ;-)

HBOTM of June is "THE FUNHOUSE", the cool blog from Scotsman Kieran, a huge horror buff who loves to watch and write about everything horror.

His reviews are short, crisp and to the point, always written in a fun and enjoyable way, and his choice of films is just awesome as he writes mostly about older stuff.

Hop over to the funhouse and join the fun! :)

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Who are you and why do you blog??

My name is Kieran, I’m 22 and I live in Scotland. I’m a Psychology student who’s secretly an aspiring writer; I like football and pro wrestling, I love dogs and I’m the world’s biggest John Hughes fan. My favourite hobby is movies though. I love all types of movies but I have a particular fondness for horror. The reason I blog is because I love watching movies and I love writing, so writing about movies is something I enjoy doing. I’ve managed to pick up a few readers by doing so too, so as long as people are reading I’ll keep writing.

Which movie made you a horror fan (and why)?

My love of horror stemmed more from kids TV shows like ‘Goosebumps’, ‘Big Wolf on Campus’ and ‘Are You Afraid of the Dark?’ This was the closest thing to horror I got to watch until one night I stayed up late and watched the show ‘Poltergeist: The Legacy’. I stayed up every week. The first movie that made me interested in all things spooky was ‘Ghostbusters.’ Then I saw ‘Monster Squad’ and watched it all the time. I still adore that movie.
The first true horror movie I remember watching was ‘IT.’ It was when I started my first year of high school I started watching a lot of horror because it was easier to get a hold of for me. That year I saw ‘Army of Darkness’ for the first time and it just opened up a gateway to discovering lots of awesome movies and I haven’t looked back since.

Who is your favorite horror director (and why)?

John Carpenter. I can’t think of another director whose body of work I’ve found to be as consistently amazing. For me, John Carpenter has never made a bad movie – EVER. I even like the ones other people seem to dislike. He’s the godfather of horror in my eyes and his non-horror movies are just as good. He’s been kicking ass for over 30 years now and that’s the reason I love John Carpenter.

Your alltime horror movie favorites are...

This was the toughest question. I love so many horror movies so here’s a few favourites in no particular order:

-Re-Animator

-House (1986)

-Phantasm (all of them)

-Necronomicon

-Evil Dead (all of them)

-Nightmare on Elm Street (1 & 3)

-The Lost Boys

-From Dusk Till Dawn

-Planet Terror

-Clownhouse

-Killer Klowns From Outer Space

-Dead Silence

-Hellraiser

-The Fog

-They Live

-The Thing

-House of the Devil

-Race With the Devil

-The Frighteners

-Braindead

-Intruder

What's the worst horror movie you've seen so far?

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls - I won’t say avoid it though because I know a lot of horror fans are into movies like this. It’s just not my cup of tea. I do like a lot of extreme horror movies, but this was just too much puking for me. Also, I just thought it was a pretty bad movie all in.

Most of my friends don't like horror films. How about your friends?

I have a few friends who love horror on the same level as me. The rest of them do enjoy horror films, but it tends to be more mainstream stuff. I have enough who love horror though to share the joys with.

Choose: Freddy? Jason? Leatherface? Michael? Chucky? Other?

The Tall Man has always been my favourite. The 'Phantasm' series is a wonderful story and The Tall Man has always been the most interesting villain for me. From the ones you mentioned in the question I’ll go with Freddy. He has the best personality.

Choose: US horror? European horror? Asian horror? Other?

I love American, European and Asian horror but my favourite is American. Most of my favourite horror movies come from America. Horror is worldwide awesome though. A couple of years ago I would have said Asian in a heartbeat but looking back throughout the existence of horror, the Americans have been the pinnacle.

Do you prefer watching horror at home or at the theater?

Unless I’m on a date with a girl I prefer watching horror at home. My favourite time to watch a horror movie is in the early hours of the morning when I have a day off the next day, especially when it’s nice and dark outside and there’s a storm. That’s the ideal conditions for a horror viewing.

What music do you like?

I like all kinds of music. It just depends on my mood - everything from death metal to cheesy pop and in between.
A few examples of my favourite bands and artists are Death Cab For Cutie, Empire of the Sun, Pendulum, Wu Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, Outkast, Gold Panda, Nit Grit, Chase & Status, Nero, Orbital, London Elektricity, Daft Punk, Kiss, Pantera, Refused, Pavement, Cunninlynguists, Gaslight Anthem, Against Me, Devil Sold His Soul, Bruce Springsteen, Limp Bizkit, Journey and much more. I even like Justin Bieber. I probably lose cool points for that. I grew up on metal and rock, but ever since I’ve started clubbing I find myself really listening to a lot more dance music. I also love film scores. Overall, my taste is pretty cheesy.

What do you read?

I love Chuck Palahniuk books and classic ‘Goosebumps’. My favourite book is ‘I, Lucifer’ by Glen Duncan. I’m also a massive fan of ‘Harry Potter’ and a few comic books. My favourite comics are Desperadoes, Chew and Sin City. A friend and me are actually writing a comic book just for the fun of it. It started off as an idea in university when we were bored in class but it’s getting more serious and we’re attempting it. It’s horror set in the Old West.

Tell me the first 3 things that come to your mind when you think about Austria (not Australia)

Arnie, Marko Arautovic and Austrian Death Machine.

Anything else you wanna tell us?

I want to give a give thank you for not only reading my incoherent thought ramblings, but for featuring them your blog also. I love reading your stuff and to be a part of it feels pretty awesome. Taking part has been a lot of fun and I’ve enjoyed sharing my horror love with fellow horror scholars.

Thank you, Kieran!

http://fistfullofboomstick89.blogspot.com

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ALIEN FROM THE DEEP

ALIEN FROM THE DEEP

Original Title:
Alien degli abissi

German Title:
Das Alien aus der Tiefe

Italy, 1989
Director: Antonio Margheriti (as Anthony M. Dawson)

3/10

Man, look at that cover. Doesn't it look just awesome? When I first saw it at my local rental store back in '91 or '92, I completely fell in love with it. Whenever I picked up the cover, I stared for a couple of minutes at that bizarre creature that deeply fascinated me for whatever reason.

Well, the love ended a few weeks later when I finally saw the movie :-)

"Alien From The Deep" is a cheap and stupid monster-schlock, created by two of the most prolific figures in Italian exploitation cinema: director Antonio Margheriti, responsible for all kinds of horror, sci-fi, action and spaghetti western, and writer Tito Carpi who wrote the sceenplays for 97(!) movies between 1960 and 1991.

The first 50 minutes are plain terrible: 2 dumb Greenpeace worker and a silly snake hunter fighting against an oh so evil chemical company who dumps radioactive waste in an active volcano. There's zero suspense and zero tension, lots of clichéd bad guys / good guys, and a dull, repetitive synth soundtrack.

Charles Napier gives a decent villain, the rest of the actors are all awful, especially the wooden Marina Giulia Cavalli ("Don't touch me, you snake squeezer! You're all alike. Men like you think you're real men just because... you got a pair of balls.") and the totally untalented Daniel Bosch whose horrid performance is even more laughable than Peter Hintz in "Bloody Psycho".

The remaining 40 minutes are fairly ok: the "biochemical" alien with its mega-claw looks cool, though we have to wait until the very last minutes when we finally get to see in its enirety - oh, and although it doesn't look as fascinating as on the cover, it's still a pretty impressive creature.
There's lots of action, explosions and even some gore, many nods to "Alien" and "Aliens" (room with hanging chains, heroine fighting in white underwear, alien vs. yellow machine, some Giger-like designs etc.) and a few atmospheric settings.

Unfortunately, all this good stuff can't save the movie from being quite a train-wreck. Skip!

Imdb

"DEATH RAGE" (Chilling Classics 50 Movies Pack, #2)

DEATH RAGE

Original Title:
Con la rabbia agli occhi

Alternate Title:
Blood Reckoning / Anger In His Eyes

German Title:
Höllenhunde bellen zum Gebet
 
Italy, 1976
Director: Antonio Margheriti (as Anthony M. Dawson)

5/10

"Death Rage" is a mediocre Italian gangster-action-thriller, directed by prolific exploitation-director Antonio Margheriti ("Alien From The Deep", "Seven Deaths In The Cat's Eye"), starring Yul Brynner in his last role.

It's not all that thrilling or tense, there's many tedious and pretty boring scenes, the story is trite and unoriginal, and most of the acting is so-so (Barbara Bouchet, Martin Balsam).

Brynner is cool as always and his performance is decent, though there are many scenes where he looks as if he has absolutely no idea what he's doing in here :-)

The rousing, piano-driven soundtrack from the De Angelis brothers (better known as "Oliver Onions") is excellent (especially the repetitive theme which is a bit similar to the 'Peter Gunn Theme'), the gunfights and car chases are quite nice, and there's even some gorgeous nudity - but that all can't save "Death Rage" from falling into utter mediocrity.

Wiki ~ Imdb

MICHAEL (2011)

Yay, lucky me has won a DVD of "MICHAEL"!!  Huge thanks to Jude Felton from THE LAIR OF FILTH! :)

MICHAEL

Austria, 2011
Director: Markus Schleinzer

9/10

"Michael" is the directorial feature of Markus Schleinzer, casting director of Michael Haneke and Academy Award winner Stefan Ruzowitzky - and it's probably one of the most unsettling Austrian movies ever made (next to "Funny Games" and "Dog Days").

Schleinzer tells the story of a pedophile insurance agent who holds a child captive in his basement - a stunningly fascinating and highly disturbing story that resembles the famous Kampusch/Fritzl cases

The movie is nerve-wrackingly slow, immensely suspenseful and full of gloomy atmosphere. Script and direction are pitch-perfect and the absence of a soundtrack is very uncomfortable (apart from one slightly amusing scene featuring Boney M.'s "Sunny"). The bleak production design and the cold lighting provide a deeply depressing mood, and there are a few very unpleasant, very realistic scenes that shocked me to the core.

With the excellent, extremely believable performances of Michael Fuith ("Rammbock") and 11-year-old first-time actor David Rauchenberger, and a super-intense ending, "Michael" blew me away and left me utterly speechless. An amazing piece of Austrian cinema, well done Mr. Schleinzer!

Wiki ~ Imdb