February 16, 2013

Post-Valentine-Dreck: LOVERS LANE

LOVERS LANE

Alternate Title:
I'm Still Waiting For You

German Titles:
Lovers Lane - Date mit dem Tod / Lovers Lane - Straße des Grauens

USA, 2000
Director: Jon Steven Ward
(as Jon Ward)

2,5/10


Oh damn, look at the cover! Look at that super-lame semi-"Scream"-ripoff artwork. Blech, welcome to the year 2000 where several filmmakers still thought,
it's le dernier cri to shoot over-polished highschool slashers with teens and blood and nothing else.

"Lovers Lane" is a dumb and completely forgettable post-90s slasher flick that offers absolutely nothing of interest. The basic premise is actually pretty good: hook-handed killer (based on the infamous urban legend) kills teenagers on Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, the director and the writers were totally unable to turn this simple but effective premise into something worthwhile.


The movie plods along at snail's pace without any tension, suspense or atmosphere. The acting is mostly weak and none of the characters are likable in any way. The killer is so incredibly unscary, it's shocking, the kills are unimpressive and the far-fetched storyline consists of sooo many implausible plot twists, it makes you wanna choke the screenwriters until unconsciouness.

Worst of all: the ending, THE ENDING!! Gaah, two killers (how original...), annoying actors stumbling around somewhere in the sticks, boredom to the max, nothing makes any sense - and then in the epilogue, there's suddenly a third killer.
O RLY???



At least, there's lots of pretty cool-looking blood, some nice nudity, 1 or 2 mildly tense scenes and a surprisingly eerie score from a guy called BC Smith,
who's mostly doing music for Barbie movies.
As for the rest, it's "Lovers Lame"...

6 comments:

  1. I think the third killer was the escaped mental patient, who was framed for killing the parents in the intro, but then turned out to actually be evil anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, and that's exactly what's so terrible about it. First they wanna make us believe that it's the escaped patient. Then in the end, it's not the patient, but two completely different people. And then in the epilogue, it's the patient again... WTF??

      Delete
  2. That really sounds awful! Missed that one, thank goodness!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I knew I was on the right track when I skipped this one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, Mel, I watch all the crap, so you don't have to. Yes, I am that nice ;-D

      Delete

Total Pageviews

:-)

:-)