26 November 2014

BLOOD LAKE: ATTACK OF THE KILLER LAMPREYS

BLOOD LAKE: ATTACK OF
THE KILLER LAMPREYS

Alternate Title:
Blood Lake

German Title:
Blood Lake - Killerfische greifen an

USA, 2014
Director: James Cullen Bressack

4/10




Imagine a low-budget version of Joe Dante's "Piranha", replace the bloodthirsty Piranha with bloodthirsty Lampreys(!), add some animal-crawls-into-and/or-eats-human-gruesomeness à la "Slugs" and some ridiculous CGI-goofiness à la "Sharknado" and shit - yup, that's the Asylum-produced "Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys" in a nutshell, the newest feature by prolific director James Cullen Bressack which follows two fish & wildlife experts who try to save a small town from being eradicated by an invasion of... well, Killer Lampreys...


Bressack tries his best to turn the goofy screenplay by Delondra Williams ("Ragin' Cajun Redneck Gators") and regular Asylum development assistant Anna Rasmussen ("Sharknado 2") into a solid creature feature b-movie, but fails because... well, we've already seen thousands of CGI creature-fests like that before, and they're basically all the same: a couple of has-been actors, A couple of cliché-ridden characters like the rigid and undiscerning mayor or the defiant teen daughter, some gore, some hot girls (but no nudity), oh-so-amusing bad computer effects and an over-the-top finale.

"Blood Lake" sadly doesn't want to be anything special. It just wants to be another run-of-the-mill made-for-TV "horror" film with a sensational title. No more and no less. To be fair, it's a well-shot and well-edited film, Bressack's direction is really decent, the Bernard-Herrmann-influenced score by Steven Bernstein ("Animaniacs") is excellent, there's enough gore and violence to satisfy every modest gore-hound, and nearly all of the actors deliver solid performances, most notably Jason Brooks ("Baywatch Hawaii"), Zack Ward ("Postal"), Shannen Doherty ("Beverly Hills 90210") and, of course, Christopher "Doc Brown" Lloyd [SPOILER] whose character gets a Lamprey up his ass!


Final verdict: better than most Asylum / SyFy monster movies, but still no must-see. Could have been way more badass if done in the 80s with practical effects, maybe by Juan Piquer Simón.


Thanks to James Cullen Bressack for the screener!

6 comments:

  1. Fun fact: Ciara Hanna (who plays Nicole, the weedwhacker-wielding daughter) was the Yellow Power Ranger for the past two years. THERE'S an interesting crossover idea ;)

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    Replies
    1. Ha, now that would be awesome. Power Lampreys! :D

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  2. I just watched and reviewed this one tonight. I gave it a 7. Perhaps I was being generous but I had a lot of fun watching it.

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    Replies
    1. Meh. I already saw too many films in that vein. Pretty much all the same.

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  3. They keep playing Lloyd's death scene on a clip show called The Soup over here - so I've seen that bit about twelve times. The only interesting thing for me here is that the movie wasn't produced for Syuh Fyuh - but instead I think Animal Planet - a different cable channel that mostly shows animal documentary shows. This was their first fictional movie venture. I have seen scads of these things, and I'll probably never watch this one - because like you - for me, the thrill is gone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, it was a co-production between Animal Planet and The Asylum, and the whole thing looked almost like a SyFy movie...

      Delete

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