24 February 2015

NEXT (2007)


USA, 2007
Director: Lee Tamahori


Nearly all film adaptations of works by legendary American sci-fi writer Philip K. Dick were turned into impressive all-time-classics, like Ridley Scott's "Blade Runner", Paul Verhoeven's "Total Recall", Steven Spielberg's "Minority Report" or Richard Linklater's "A Scanner Darkly".
However, there's at least one that ended up as a mere disaster: semi-acclaimed action-thriller filmmaker Lee Tamahori's ("Die Another Day") adaptation of Dick's short story "The Golden Man". A stupid, bland and disastrously ludicrous piece of PG13 no-logic-at-all trash, at times dumb, at times laughable, at times so frustrating, you just wanna kill yourself.

Admittably, the story of a magician who gets pursued by the FBI because he's able to see two minutes into the future, is downright fascinating, and actually, the movie starts out pretty good. Nicolas Cage's performance is a bit quirky, but he gives a solid and somewhat believable character, and seeing him "trying out various futures" is really fun. There's also a neat cameo by the great Peter Falk, a pretty okay Jessica Biel and a catchy score by Mark Isham ("Kiss the Girls").

Everything else, especially almost everything in the movie's second half, is either lame, bad or downright awful. Tons of horrid looks-like-no-budget CGI that brutally raped my helpless eyes, an immensely disappointing paycheck performance by Julianne Moore (about as lame as in "The Forgotten"),
some more bad acting by Thomas Kretschmann and Nicolas Pajon as oh-so-evil European cliché-terrorists, an unbelievably lousy script that has almost nothing to do with its source material [written by Gary Goldman ("Big Trouble in Little China", "Total Recall"), Jonathan Hensleigh ("Jumanji", "Armageddon") and Paul Bernbaum ("Halloweentown")], lots and lots of huge plot holes and illogical plot points, an implausible romance...

...and one of the WORST plot twists in history. An aggravating and insulting excuse for an oh-so-original ending that is nothing but crap, crap, crap. Oh my goodness, I was so mad when they suddenly pulled the good old everything-you-just-seen-wasn't-real tomfoolery out of their shabby hats. It reduces most of the action that took place prior to the twist to an insanely imbecile level of utter absurdity. Poor Philip K. Dick rotates in his grave like a gas turbine.

Recommended only to die-hard fans of Dick and Cage

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