20 March 2015



Spain / USA, 2014
Director: Nacho Vigalondo


Just when you thought Elijah Wood's post-Frodo-career film career gets more and more interesting (especially after great performances in genre gems like "Maniac" or "Grand Piano"), he and his production company SpectreVision deliver a movie that is so unbelievably shitty, it's shocking. Overrated Spanish one-hit-wonder Nacho Vigalondo ("Timecrimes") reduces the found footage genre to absurdity by making a one-trick-pony rubbish-thriller that was entirely filmed from the POV of Elijah Wood's character looking at a laptop, looking at an endless array of video streams, video players, browser windows opening and closing.

A lousy and unoriginal gimmick turned into a god-awful and indescribably unnerving piece of terribleness, poorly made and developed, at times unintentionally ludicrous, but most of the time, so bad, bad, bad, you wanna sue the hell out of everyone involved. There's a convoluted storyline about celebrated actresses, website designers, mysterious hackers and weird conspiracies hidden in it, but since you're forced to constantly look at windows opening, closing, opening, closing ad infinitum, you quickly start to so NOT care about any of the characters or events and just hope and pray it may end soon - which it doesn't do because this crap is almost 100 minutes long... *sigh*

None of the events make sense or seem to be any kind of plausible, it's all just balls-to-the-wall bonkers, but not in a good or fun way. None of the characters seem to be at least mildly intelligent, everyone's just batshit stupid. Car chases that are totally boring and seem to go on forever. Plot twists that are so inane, you wanna take Vigalondo and throw him out of the window. Elijah Wood seemed to be uninterested in the role and gave a surprisingly weak and eye-rollingly lame performance. Even worse: porn actress Sasha Grey who's just embarrasing and a super-laughable Neil Maskell ("Kill List").

Vigalondo once was hailed as THE next big thing - but after mediocre stuff like "Extraterrestrial", unferwhelming segments for "The ABCs of Death" or "V/H/S Viral", and this atrocity, I lost all hope in him. He's neither talented, nor gifted. The awesome "Timecrimes"-days are long gone. He's a one-trick-pony, just like "Open Windows", a movie that I originally wanted to give a 1/10, solely for Sasha Grey's beuatiful boobs... until I finished writing this rant and realized that this movie doesn't deserve such a high rating. 0/10 is just right for this
cinematic disaster.

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