26 March 2015

Project Terrible: ROLLERGATOR

Alec (Mondo Bizarro) told me about this movie so many times, I really got curious and desperately wanted to see it. Fortunately, he was so 'kind' and gave it to me for this round. So, is it really as bad as he said? Maybe even worse than "Skeleton Key 2"? Or would I end up loving it?

Well, I didn't exactly love it, but... erm, I somehow enjoyed it!

ROLLERGATOR

USA, 1996
Director: Donald G. Jackson

4/10












"Rollergator" is one of 24(!!) movies directed by Donald G. Jackson between 1990 and 1999. Jackson had one hit movie in 1988: the bizarre but entertaining "Hell Comes to Frogtown". After that one, his career went down the drain and he become the "Ed Wood of the Video age", shooting one lowest-budget crapfest after the other - like this one which follows a young teenage rollergirl who tries to help a purple-colored jive-talking AND rapping(!) baby alligator(!!) hiding from a greedy carnival owner and a skateboarding Ninja woman(!!!), and bringing him back to his rightful owner, a slightly demented Swamp farmer...


In terms of technical aspects and production values, it's a totally dreadful movie. Jackson obviously made this on a "zero budget" basis, which means: shot on shitteo, unbelievably amateurish editing, non-existent sound mic/editing, no lighting or decent make-up, laughable puppet effects, poor acting, imbecile direction and an uber-zany script, written by some guy called Matt X. Lawrence who wrote two more things for Jackson: "Baby Ghost" and "Little Lost Sea Serpent" [Alec, please try finding these!]. Worst of all: the unnerving soundtrack which consists of a neverending acoustic guitar instrumental and some
more-than-mediocre surf rock.

Nevertheless, there was something really charming about "Rollergator": the Gator itself is constantly talking or trying to rap, which is at times annoying, but at times also really funny. Call me an idiot, but I laughed at some of his lines, be it rubbish like "I don't believe it! A talking Alligator!" - "I don't believe it. A talking nimrod!", or "You've seen the Dark Ninja?" - "You mean DORK Ninja!", or "I'm a mean Motor-Gator, a Rock'n'Roll skater. Tryin' to catch me now, I kick your butt later (...) I live in the swamp but I'm no Forrest Gump. I'm gonna be illin' if I'm not chillin'".


Also, one time actress Sandra Shuker is a real cutsie (Imdb-user gridoon2015 nailed it, calling her "such a sweetie-pie"), Joe Estevez (brother of Martin Sheen) transforms into a Gator-monster, "Plan 9"-legend Conrad Brooks delivers a silly-but-bearable performance, and there's also a cameo by one of the Frogtown mutants. "Rollergator" is a bad movie, but... no, it's not so-bad-it's good, it's actually so-bad-you-can't-help-enjoying-it :-)

Imdb

Oh btw: according to the announcement in the end credits, Jackson really wanted to sequelize this...

2 comments:

  1. I went in wanting to like this and couldn't believe how bad it was.

    You went into it thinking that I had given you the worst Film in the History of mankind.

    Oh well.

    Let me ask you this: can you name a worse Soundtrack than that? Be honest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I can. "Death Racers". Nuff said.

      Delete

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