20 September 2015

Bad Bits & Pieces: NINA FOREVER / SOME KIND OF HATE / MÉXICO BARBARO (/Slash Filmfestival 2015)

NINA FOREVER

UK, 2015
Directors: Ben & Chris Blaine

3/10











What could have been an artsier, deeper and more elaborated version of dead-ex-girlfriend-comes-back-to-life films like last year's "Burying the Ex" (great!)
or "Life After Beth" (bad), turns out to be a slightly original, yet dead-boring, overlong and pretty lifeless semi-comedy about a quasi-love-triangle between a young checkout girl, her co-worker and his dead ex who comes back to life whenever they have sex.

"Nina Forever" could have been a fun short film, but in its final 100-minute-form, it's just cinematic torture, due to the two directors' inability to cut straight to the shit and come to the point. The overall artsy-for-the-sake-of-being-artsy execution is unnerving and highly unsympathetic, the extreme focus on symbolism is distracting and unnerving, the sex scenes feel repetitive as hell, and the countless endings (they obviously couldn't decide on how to end it, so they simply put all of their imagined endings in it... ALL OF THEM) made me wanna yell at the screen "Please! Stop! I want this to be over! Now!"

The acting is solid, especially the believable chemistry between Abigail Hardingman and Cian Barry (even though Barry's character is so unlikable), the make-up was done beautifully and the overall camera work is just superb, but, as you already guessed, this all couldn't help saving it from being a total drag. "Nina Forever" is as unnecessary as an annoying ex-girlfriend who doesn't get that it's over, that the relationship is dead & buried.




SOME KIND OF HATE

USA, 2015
Director: Adam Egypt Mortimer

1/10












"Some Kind of Hate" is some kind of revenge-movie about some kind of bullied teenager who gets sent to some kind of reform school where he gets bullied by some kind of assholes until some kind of revenge ghost-girl pops up and saves the day, or not. Ugh. What Fangoria calls the "turning point for the slasher genre into the new millennium", is actually some kind of new low point for both, the revenge genre AND the slasher genre; some kind of movie that is so laughable and so abstruse, my pal Daniel had to put a sleeping mask on during watching because he just couldn't stand it anymore. Not joking.

It actually starts out pretty interesting as raw indie-horror in the vein of "Blood was Everywhere" or "Red White & Blue", but when the supernatural twist kicks in, the whole thing plummets down faster than you can say "Haunter" and suddenly explodes into hundreds of different directions at the same time with hundreds of different tones all over it because the director / writer obviously had no fucking clue what he wanted to do. An oddly funny scene, followed by a dark one, a disturbing one, an artsy one, an uber-cool one, a funny one, et cetera, ad infinitum. I'm shuddering just thinking about it *brrr*

The characters range from meh to fucking annoying, the actors range from solid (Grace Phipps) to unintentionally hilarious (Sierra McCormick), the character decisions range from "What the hell?" to "Are you fucking kidding me???", and... well, a movie about bullying that can't decide if its basic message should be "bullying is bad", "revenge is bad" or "everyone has to die" is hard to take seriously. Also, absolute worst in-between-credits scene I have ever seen. The only cool thing about it is the name of the director: Adam Egypt Mortimer - damn, what a name!

Some kind of bullshit... nah, wait: some kind of bully-shit.




MÉXICO BARBARO

Mexico, 2014
Directors: Jorge Michel Grau, Lex Ortega, Gigi Saul Guerrero, Ulises Guzmán, Aaron Soto, Isaac Ezban, Laurette Flores & Edgar Nito

-/10







 

In my /Slash "The Black Fables" review, I jokingly made a silly comparison to the god-awful "Treasure Chest of Horrors"-films. I take it back. "The Black Fables" is a masterpiece compared to this piece of shit which totally feels like the Mexican version of "Treasure Chest of Horrors" = a movie that tries to come off as oh-so-cool horror-anthology, although it's actually more like various amateur YouTube short films lazily cobbled together.

I can't give the movie a proper review/rating because we left during the 4th segment, not because it was already pretty late (2am), but because we were speechless about how awful this movie was. One episode was shot on a cheap home video camera (not found footage) with the most horrible acting and the worst-looking fake blood I've ever seen. Another episode offered so many oh-how-gorgeous-the-sun-looks and oh-how-haunting-these-shadows-look shots/images, it made us consider "visual masturbation" as a serious crime.

We decided to leave during the segment where a young virgin girl got raped by an ugly forest monster who also really loved to vomit yucky yellow fluids over her boobs. It was not just very disgusting, it was also extremely aggravating and almost unwatchable. Horrible. "México Barbaro" is a movie that has absolutely no business being shown on a quality festival like the /Slash *shakes head*

5 comments:

  1. aww, and I was hoping to see Some Kind of Hate...then again, I am the kind of idiot who enjoyed The Gallows AKA "That-one-title-I-should-not-mention-here-knowing-how-much-you-dislike-it-but-I-will-anyway-cuz-I-can-be-a-lame-troll-that-way"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That-one-guy-from-the-Philippines-who-has-one-helluva-weird-taste is always fun to read ;)

      Delete
  2. Oh dear. ^^Craig says it all really.

    ReplyDelete

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