08 September 2015

THE GALLOWS

THE GALLOWS

Working Titles:
Stage Fright / Superstition

German Title:
Gallows - Jede Schule hat ein Geheimnis

USA, 2015
Directors: Chris Lofing & Travis Cluff

0/10






Just when I thought I've already seen the worst found footage film of 2015 ("House with 100 Eyes"), another, erm, worst found footage film of 2015 comes along, in terms of shittiness and stupidity on a par with ultra-crappy sub-genre disasters like "Raw", "The Tapes" or "Haunted Poland". Made on a budget of about $100.000 and produced by Jason Blum and his Blumhouse (which slowly transforms into a Bumhouse...), the feature debut of Chris Lofing and Travis Cluff, "The Gallows", is one of the worst things I've ever seen on the big screen. Is it worse than "Raw" (the shittiest movie I've seen in a movie theater so far)?
I'm not entirely sure, though both films suck so fucking hard, it doesn't matter which one is worse.

The basic premise is fun and has a fabulous 80s feel over it: 20 years after a boy died in a freak accident during a small town school play called "The Gallows", various students try to resurrect the failed show to somehow honor the tragedy's anniversary. Little do they know that this is actually a bad idea because by doing so, they accidentally incur the wrath of the dead boy's ghost - sounds fun, right? Unfortunately, the overall execution, the directing, the writing, it is all so horribly awful, you wish that some fucking ghost would have haunted the filmmakers and stopped them from making this film...


Though, whilst watching, I had a completely different wish: I just wished that EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in this goddamn piece of dreck would just die, die, die. My frequent readers know how much I hate movies where everyone is unlikable and unsympathetic... but omfg, "The Gallows" takes the fucking cake. The students here are so unbe-fucking-lievably obnoxious, I'm still wondering how I made it through this entire piece of shit. The worst of them is a fucking bully who is constantly making fun of EVERYONE, and constantly filming EVERYTHING!! Breaking into school at night via a damaged door that no-one bothers to repair... yeah, let's film it. Destroying school property and the clothes of some bullied kid... yeah, let's just film it. WHY??? AARGHH!!!

Did I mention how super-shitty the writing is? Oh fucking christ. Nothing makes sense. Gaping plot holes of gigantic proportions. Trillions of unanswered questions. I give you an example:
in 1993, some kid was supposed to play the dude who ends up on the gallows in the school play, but the kid got sick, so he was replaced by another kid, Charlie, who eventually dies in the freak accident. 20 years later, Reese, the movie's main character suddenly discovers that the kid who got sick was his father! So, the father never told Reese that he was the one who got sick back then? And apparently, no-one else has ever told Reese about that? Really? Ugh... and that's just one of countless examples of how fucked up the writing is.


Apart from that: no suspense, no tension, no good scares, just dumb jump scares, annoying shaky-cam, tons of awfully predictable scenes and twists, and an ending so goddamn-fucking inane... no, no, no, fuck you, movie! Fuck you! I stop writing about you now. I already wasted too much energy on writing this frigging rant. Fuck you, "The Gallows"! Fuck you, Bumhouse! Fuck you, everyone involved in this garbagefest!

8 comments:

  1. I WOULD RATHER DRIVE A RUSTY NAIL INTO MY SCROTUM SAC THEN WATCH THIS AGAIN.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, what can I say? I really can't argue with that =D

      Delete
  2. aww, I kinda like this one!

    At least the bully get the worst time befroe being hoisted by Charlie; leg broken, attempting to crawl away from a ghost killer who can be anywhere at any time, it's satisfying!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I really enjoy it when you really don't enjoy it.

    ReplyDelete

Total Pageviews

:-)

:-)