25 October 2015

THE VATICAN TAPES

THE VATICAN TAPES

USA, 2015
Director: Mark Neveldine

3/10











For quite some time, I was a big fan of filmmaking team Neveldine/Taylor 
(Brian Neveldine & Brian Taylor), who once were the hottest filmmakers in town. Their debut feature "Crank" and especially the sequel "Crank: High Voltage" are two of the greatest action films of the last 15 years and I love both films to an extent that is rather insane. I also think their work on horror-thriller "Pathology" was decent.

As for the rest... well, their third feature "Gamer" was quite a disappointment, their comic-book adaptation "Jonah Hex" (they wrote the screenplay but stepped down from being directors due to creative differences) became a critical and commercial disaster, and their last collaboration "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" was such an enormous shitfest, I'm still pissed about it.


What now? Well, they eventually went separate ways. Taylor hasn't done anything worthwhile since (aside from being attached to a movie adaptation of video game "Twisted Metal"... for more than 3 years now!) - and Neveldine thought it was a good idea to adapt a screenplay that was featured in the 2009 Blacklist, a list of the "most liked" unmade scripts of the year. This would have been a fun idea to do in 2009, but since then, we were bombarded with sooo many Excorcism-themed films, "The Vatican Tapes" could have been only a failure.

Nothing about "The Vatican Tapes" is original or imaginative or clever or anything. It's just another Best of Exorcism clichés/tropes: girl gets possessed, she levitates, and she vomits, and she has Emily-Rose-like visions, and she is able to movie furniture without touching, and she frequently gets attacked by Ravens and she is able to contort her body, and stigmata, and creepy eyes, and Aramaic ramblings, yada yada yada. No surprises, nothing we haven't seen before. Average Exorcism rubbish. Bleh.


At least, there's some neat acting Michael Peña (makes the best out of his bland character), Olivia Taylor Dudley (I've seen worse Linda Blair imitations) and two-time Oscar nominee Djimon Hounsou (okay paycheck performance), a few cool visuals, a fun scene where some guy kills himself with 2 lightbulbs(!), and an ending that is actually far better, far more interesting than the rest of the film, or as Bloody Disgusting nailed it: "What would have made 'The Vatican Tapes' better is if the first 80 minutes were relegated to a prologue, and then the last ten minutes expanded into a full-length feature." 

Only recommended to die-hard fans of the above-mentioned actors, and/or to die-hard fans of exorcism movies.

2 comments:

  1. ANOTHER exorcism movie? yawn... I would rather watch Exeter and have that poke fun at this tiresome run.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I saw Jonah Hex - it was pretty bad. I'll skip this one.

    ReplyDelete

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