26 February 2015



Alternate Title:
Zombie Diaries

UK, 2006
Directors: Kevin Gates
& Michael G. Bartlett


"The Zombie Diaries", the debut feature or British filmmaker duo Kevin Gates and Michael G. Bartlett, could be described as found-footage depiction of a zombie outbreak in England, divided into 4 parts [Diary 1 - 'The Outbreak'
/ Diary 2 - 'The Scavengers" / Diary 3 - 'The Survivors' / Epilogue]
following various groups of people in the British countryside (Hertfordshire),
hiding, searching for food, killing zombies and filming all the events.

This was shot and released before the found footage craze kicked off in 2007/2008, and yes, even before horror legend George A. Romero's "Diary of the Dead" which is rudimentarily the same thing. Unfortunately, it didn't leave a positive and/or lasting impression with horror audiences, mainly because the
shite marketing tried to convince people that it's "The best Zombie movie ever" (it's not!) and "Better than Danny Boyle's '28 Days Later'" (it's not!), although it's actually a rather calm, slow and ungory film - which led to an universally and unfairly negative reception.

Admittably, it's a rather amateurish, full of flaws and obviously made on a very low budget. Writing and direction are at times spot-on, at times just poor. Several scenes don't hit the right spot and are either pointless, needless or simply tasteless (the sex slaves in the barn). The pacing is a bit too odd, most of the acting is wooden and nearly all of the characters are one-dimensional, unsympathetic jerks.

Aside from that, I have to praise the movie's stunningly intriguing, rather realistic and super-bleak atmosphere. Even though it all looks a bit tacky, there's a certain raw and Blair-Witch-y feeling about it that makes "The Zombie Diaries" look and feel rather unique, especially compared to most other low-budget zombie flicks of the late 00s. Same goes for all the brilliant-looking old-school zombies (ace make-up!) and a couple of well-chosen eerie locations (abandoned towns and farmhouses, dark forests). Also worth mentioning: the first two diaries contain many splendid moments of utter suspense, and the music... I don't know. It's very minimalistic and far from being remarkable, but in some kinday way, it perfectly sets the dark, depressing mood. Kudos to composer Stephen Hoper!

Final verdict: it's no Romero, but IMO it's definitely worth checking out!


Alternate Titles:
World of the Dead: The Zombie Diaries / Zombie Diaries 2: World of the Dead / Zombie Diaries 2

UK, 2011
Directors: Kevin Gates
& Michael G. Bartlett


5 years after the first part, Gates and Bartlett returned with one of the most unexpected sequels (considering how unpopular the first was and still is),
yet also most pointless, most superfluous sequels of the last 20 years or so: "World of the Dead: The Zombie Diaries 2", a dull and tedious piece of postapocalyptic boredom that briefly follows the events of the original, focusing on a band of soldiers and civilians searching for food and shelter, wandering through landscapes overrun by zombies.

Compared to "The Zombie Diaries" which somehow felt at least a tad innovative and original, "World of the Dead" is just bland, incredibly unimpressive and completely disappointing. It seems as if the two directors didn't actually care about the film and just made it because the Weinsteins threw a few more dollars at them. Together with "Children of the Corn: Genesis" and "Hellraiser: Revelations", this was the last flick that was released via the "Dimension Extreme" label - I think that says it all...

The storyline is pretty much non-existent, there's absolutely no character development whatsoever, all characters are either assholes or dumb jerks, and there are so many rape / attempted rape scenes here (incl. some douche raping a zombie...), "I Spit On Your Diaries" would be a much better fitting title, especially because... well, there's actually no more diary concept. It's just people wandering through forests, shooting zombies, occassionally interrupted by footage that probably took place between the first and the second film. Also gone: the gritty, raw look of the first part, here replaced with a bland and much more
polished look.

Zombie make-up and gore effects all look neat, the moody score by Pete Renton is pretty chilling and there are at least a handful of decently tense scenes, like the creepy opening or the slightly intense zombie attack in the barracks. Yet, overall, this movie is so hollow and so irrevelant and so not worth checking out.

CREEP (2004)


Working Titles:
Cellar Dweller / Here Kitty Kitty / One Track Mind / Piccadilly Nightmare / Runt

UK / Germany, 2004
Director: Christopher Smith


Have you ever been to London? Oh, it's such a wonderful city. A bit overcrowded with tourists, but apart from that, it's packed to the brim with beautiful sights, amazing attractions and super-cool places such as the uber-cool Camden markets, the beautiful Whitehall area and, of course, the Tube, probably Europe's most impressive underground system. Acclaimed British genre director Christopher Smith ("Triangle", "Severance") chose this stunning location for his debut feature "Creep" where a woman gets chased through the tunnels by a deformed and bloodthirsty maniac.

I first saw this movie in 2005 after I came back from a 10-day-holiday in London. I was enamoured of London and spent the following weeks checking out all kinds of movies that take place in this marvellous city, like "Sliding Doors", "Layer Cake" or this one. Unfortunately, as cool and fun as its premise is, "Creep" was a major letdown for me; I didn't like it at all.

Now, 10 years later, I decided to give it another chance... and unsurprisingly, I still don't like it. "Creep" is a weak, badly written, awkwardly directed flick that never exploits its full potential and ends up as frustratingly dumb gorefest that feels more like an untalented film student's failed quasi-remake of 70s classic "Death Line". The gore is solid, music and cinematography are fine, but that's it.

Franka "Lola" Potente (who is actually a great actress) is not just clearly miscast, she also gives a performance that constantly switches between non-believable and unintentionally laughable, and her character is so incredibly unlikable and stupid, you just don't care about her, especially after she tries to save the life of a man who previously tried to rape her. I so wanted to root for the bloodhungry maniac, but... well, that too didn't work out for me, since he looks like Gollum's mentally ill cousin and makes noises as if he's caught a massive cold

The pacing is way too dull, many scenes and sequenes go on for way too long, and aside from the eerie opening scene, everything that was supposed to be scary or frightening ends up either lame, boring or completely uniteresting. Even worse: "Creep" is so full of unexplained whys and unanswered questions, it's insane. [SPOILERS] Why is there a surgery room in one of the tunnels, and why has no one discovered it before? It's actually pretty easy to find *shakes head* Who is the maniac and why does he hide down there? What is his purpose? Why is he so powerful, almost superhuman? Certain people get killed, certain people get caged up - why?? What's with the jarred fetusses? Who's the doctor in the ominous black-and-white photo? Did this guy made illegal experiments with aborted fetusses? Or is he the maniac's father? What's with the homeless people in their hideout? Why hasn't the killer found them before? etc. etc. etc.

Imdb user "billsonbob" nailed it in his "100 Things I learned from Creep" post:

Not even the ending could placate me. Social commentary? Really?? Nah.
Go away "Creep", we don't want you here.

24 February 2015

NEXT (2007)


USA, 2007
Director: Lee Tamahori


Nearly all film adaptations of works by legendary American sci-fi writer Philip K. Dick were turned into impressive all-time-classics, like Ridley Scott's "Blade Runner", Paul Verhoeven's "Total Recall", Steven Spielberg's "Minority Report" or Richard Linklater's "A Scanner Darkly".
However, there's at least one that ended up as a mere disaster: semi-acclaimed action-thriller filmmaker Lee Tamahori's ("Die Another Day") adaptation of Dick's short story "The Golden Man". A stupid, bland and disastrously ludicrous piece of PG13 no-logic-at-all trash, at times dumb, at times laughable, at times so frustrating, you just wanna kill yourself.

Admittably, the story of a magician who gets pursued by the FBI because he's able to see two minutes into the future, is downright fascinating, and actually, the movie starts out pretty good. Nicolas Cage's performance is a bit quirky, but he gives a solid and somewhat believable character, and seeing him "trying out various futures" is really fun. There's also a neat cameo by the great Peter Falk, a pretty okay Jessica Biel and a catchy score by Mark Isham ("Kiss the Girls").

Everything else, especially almost everything in the movie's second half, is either lame, bad or downright awful. Tons of horrid looks-like-no-budget CGI that brutally raped my helpless eyes, an immensely disappointing paycheck performance by Julianne Moore (about as lame as in "The Forgotten"),
some more bad acting by Thomas Kretschmann and Nicolas Pajon as oh-so-evil European cliché-terrorists, an unbelievably lousy script that has almost nothing to do with its source material [written by Gary Goldman ("Big Trouble in Little China", "Total Recall"), Jonathan Hensleigh ("Jumanji", "Armageddon") and Paul Bernbaum ("Halloweentown")], lots and lots of huge plot holes and illogical plot points, an implausible romance...

...and one of the WORST plot twists in history. An aggravating and insulting excuse for an oh-so-original ending that is nothing but crap, crap, crap. Oh my goodness, I was so mad when they suddenly pulled the good old everything-you-just-seen-wasn't-real tomfoolery out of their shabby hats. It reduces most of the action that took place prior to the twist to an insanely imbecile level of utter absurdity. Poor Philip K. Dick rotates in his grave like a gas turbine.

Recommended only to die-hard fans of Dick and Cage

23 February 2015



German Title:

USA, 1990
Director: Larry Cohen


Man, look at the poster! Awesome, huh? In case you haven't seen it before, it's the German theatrical poster and back in the 90s, it was undoubtedly one of my absolute favorite VHS covers. Almost everytime I've been to the local rental store (a.k.a the playground of my youth), I had to take a peak at this stunningly designed cover... the creepy-looking ambulance car... the hand crashing through the windshield... the frightened face behind the surgical mask... wowsers!

Unfortunately, the movie itself is far from being as awesome as the poster. It's not bad, but it's not great either. "The Ambulance" is a solid early 90s thriller, tense and atmospheric, but a bit too goofy for my taste. Cult filmmaker Larry Cohen ("It's Alive", "God Told Me To") tells the weird story of a mysterious but well-organised group of fake-doctors and fake-nurses driving across New York in a 70s Cadillac Ambulance, abducting diabetics and killing everyone who stand in their way.

Cohen couldn't decide whether he wanted to make an action-comedy or a horror-thriller and so he tried, but failed to combine both worlds. The result is a truly bizarre, but quite unique and decently entertaining flick with a brilliant score by the highly underrated Jay Chattaway ("Maniac", "Maniac Cop 1+2") and gorgeous cinematography by horror legend Jacques Haitkin ("A Nightmare
on Elm Street 1+2").

Main actor Eric Roberts delivers a rather bonkers performance, at times hilarious, at times really annoying. The rest of the cast is way more "bearable", especially Red Buttons as highly amusing reporter, James Earl Jones as cool police officer and the insanely beautiful Janine Turner as Roberts' love interest + cameo by Marvel legend Stan Lee! There's lots of badass chase sequences and an explosive finale, but also lots of cheesy dialogue and a few extremely illogical and/or
quite pointless scenes.

A must-see for Cohen fans. Worth checking out if you're a fan of slightly obscure 80s/90s thrillers.

19 February 2015

AVENGED (a.k.a "Savaged")


Alternate Title:

USA, 2013
Director: Michael S. Ojeda


Warning: everyone who is NOT into rape'n'revenge exploitation films, should stay far away from this film. Everyone else: welcome to "Avenged" a.k.a. "Savaged", the second feature film of cinematographer Michael S. Ojeda, an intense, brutal and surprisingly clever low-budget semi-supernatural revenge-horror-thriller, following a deaf woman who gets captured by a couple of vile and abhorrent hillbillies who rape, torture, and bury her alive. Gladly, a local Indian finds her half-dead body and brings her back to life by using Indian magic. During the reanimation, the spirit of a vengeful Apache warrior accidentally enters her body and turns her into an avenging angel, ready to take revenge on her tormentors...

The movie's low budget is very obvious and the few CGI effects look pretty weak, but aside from these trifles, "Avenged" turned out to be a real gem, in tone and theme similar to revenge films like "Night of the Scarecrow", "The Crow" and
"I Spit on Your Grave". It's stunningly directed and paced, tense and atmospheric from beginning to end, and it possesses a fascinating, very well developed and excellently structured storyline.

To my surprise, the movie doesn't focus on the gore / torture / brutality parts even though there's lots of gruesome and shocking scenes - no, "Avenged" focusses on a detailed and quite complex storyline full of interesting plot points and twists, as well as many unexpectedly multidimensional characters. Even the most unbearable assholes here have more depth than in most other similar films. Also, the fact that the movie touches all kinds of difficult topics like social marginalization, discrimination against women, handicapped people, native americans and afroamericans, misogyny and gun fanaticism almost makes this a piece of Anti-America exploitation - remarkable!

Main actress Amanda Adrienne is just marvellous. Seeing her as deaf woman transforming into a wild and rampant force of nature is just breathtaking. Love the scene where she pulls the cop's intestines out, or the insane finale where she fights against a chainsaw-wielding uber-hick. Similarly great: the performances by Brionne Davis, Joseph Runningfox or John Charles Meyer. The music by César Benito is terrific, at times aggressive, at times immensely emotional, cinematography and editing (both done by Ojeda himself) are spot-on, and the make-up effects look badass. A movie as raw as a punch in the face - wow!

Thanks to October Coast for the screener!

18 February 2015



Alternate German Title:
Storm Warning - Überleben kann tödlich sein

Australia, 2007
Director: Jamie Blanks


After "Urban Legend"-director Jamie Blanks' second feature "Valentine" bombed badly at the box office in 2001, he turned his back on Hollywood and returned to his homeland Australia, spending time with his family for a couple of years - until 2007 when he finally started working on a new film, together with legendary screenwriter Everett De Roche, the genius behind Oz-classics like "Razorback", "Patrick" or "Road Games".

Based on De Roche's "Straw Dogs"-influenced script which was originally written in 1982(!), Blanks created his absolute best film so far (IMHO): "Storm Warning", a highly suspenseful and pretty gruesome Ozploitation semi-backwoods-flick, following a nice yuppie couple on a fishing trip who get lost in a marsh and seek refuge in an isolated farmhouse where they get terrorized by its inhabitants, a raunchy hick and his two slightly demented sons...

What may sound like a textbook example of run-of-the-mill backwoods-horror, is actually a clever and cunning little shocker somewhere between "Wolf Creek", "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and the above-mentioned "Straw Dogs". Starts out slow but atmospheric out on the sea and in the marshlands, gets dark and grim in the farmhouse on the island, and ends with a terrifying climax full of badass action, glorious gore and pretty insane violence.

There's a scene in the begining where we get to see the couple drifting deeper and deeper into the marsh. It's only 3 minutes long, accompanied by moody music and without any dialogue, but it's so goddamn intense and it perfectly sets the mood for what's to come [SPOILERS]: a huge marihuana plantation, a house full of nude posters, sex dolls and... um, bestiality, dead kangaroos, blood-hungry Rottweilers, death by fishing rods/hooks, death by hovercraft, or - best of all - semi-castration by some kinda self-made "vagina dentata". There's lots of blood, gore and shocks throughout the film, but the anti-rape penis-destruction scene
is just genius!

The farmhouse settings and the eerie marsh-locations on French Island look just marvellous. Cinematography is great (Karl von Moller, "Long Weekend"), the editing is terrific (Geoff Hitchins, "The Outback") and Blanks' very own score is simply marvellous and effective as hell. The entire cast is awesome and all of the 5 actors deliver stunning performances, especially the incredibly grgeous Nadia Farès ("The Crimson Rivers"), the outstanding John Brumpton ("The Loved Ones") and David Lyons ("Swerve").

If you like Australian horror or Ozploitation in general, this is a must-see.

Wiki ~ Imdb

17 February 2015



France, 2014
Directors: Thierry Poiraud & Benjamin Rocher


Watching a Soccer match can be truly horrifying, for example: when the team you're rooting for loses, when the match is so boring you almost fall asleep, when the referee is a fucktard - or when you get forced to watch a match (by your bf? husband? boss? some other jerk? etc.) even though you don't like Soccer at all. 
Now, French filmmakers Thierry Poiraud ("Atomik Circus") and Benjamin Rocher ("The Horde") give us another reason why Soccer can be really horrifying:
because Zombies! 

"Goal of the Dead" follows the premier league team Olympique de Paris on their way to a small team's homeground (Caplongue) for a cup game. There, the supposed-to-be-ordinary match turns into an extraordinary massacre when one of the local players, who accidentally got injected with infected steroids, turns the whole stadium into a living-dead-nightmare...

The basic premise may be a bit silly, but to my surprise, it works much better than expected, thanks to the very well executed concept of splititng the movie into two "halves" (like in a real soccer match), each directed by a different director, as well as by packing it with highly sympathetic characters, great actors like Alban Lenoir ("Gibraltar"), Xavier Laurent ("The Monuments Men") or the gorgeous Tiphaine Davot, and lots of wonderfully hilarious humor. Actually, in terms of humor and badassness, the whole movie somehow feels like a mix of "28 Weeks Later"
and "A Little Bit Zombie".

There's some exceptional cinematography, tons of super-stylish, eye-catching and very well composed shots/images, stunningly-filmed fog-laden stadium settings (Mathias Boucard), an astounding and powerful electro-score with many damn catchy passages (Thomas Couzinier, "Home Sweet Home"), hordes of ace-looking zombies, superb make-up effects, gore, explosions and shit. The two-hour runtime might be a bit too long, but overall, I ended up highly entertained, not bored at all. Thumbs up, France!

Wiki ~ Imdb

14 February 2015

Vampire Day Soiree: The FRIGHT NIGHT Films

Haven't participated in a proper blogfest in quite some time, and since I had no idea for any Valentine-themed posts, mostly because I already did my share of Valentine Horror Reviews (here, here, here, here and here), I thought joining Holly's Horrorland's 4th Annual Vampire's Day Soiree is the perfect opportunity to do a frightful quadruple-feature-review about the fang-bulous "Fright Night" franchise. Yes, there are four of them and at least three of them are very watchable

Enjoy reading and Happy Valentine! :-)

German Title:
Die rabenschwarze Nacht - Fright Night

USA, 1985
Director: Tom Holland


After the massive popularity of Vampire-/Dracula-themed films in the late 50s,
the 60s, and the early 70s, the vampire-genre faltered after the unexpected success of religion-themed horror films like "The Exorcist" (1973) or "The Omen" (1976). In 1978, John Carpenter's "Halloween" kickstarted the slasher genre while George A. Romero's "Dawn of the Dead" revived the zombie genre - both movies/genres killed the audiences' interest in bloodsuckers and for the greater part of the 80s, theaters were ruled by masked maniacs and rotting corpses,
at least in terms of Horror.

Then in 1985, writer/director Tom Holland ("Child's Play") came along and single-handedly reanimated AND revolutionized the vampire genre with the uber-amazing horror-comedy "Fright Night", one of the greatest and most entertaining vampire-themed movies of all time, following teenage horror/vampire-fan Charlie Brewster who realizes that his new next door neighbor is actually a blood-hungry vampire. Since nobody believes him, he teams up with an elderly actor who once played a Van-Helsing-like vampire killer and together, they try to erase
the bloodsucking danger...

I have no idea how often I've watched this movie in my entire life. 20 times? 30 times? I have no idea, and I don't care. "Fright Night" is one of these all-time favorites I could watch over and over without ever getting tired of it. It's a fang-tastic movie, fabulously written, flawlessly directed, at times incredibly suspenseful, at times stunningly creepy, but most of the time so fucking hilarious, it makes me laugh just thinking about it.

It was the first vampire film that spent one million dollars on effects - and you can totally see that: it's packed with excellently developed and splendid-looking special / make-up effects, as well as amazing vampire-to-werewolf transformations. Also: brilliant production design, a glorious synth score by the great Brad Fiedel ("Terminator 1+2"), awesome cinematography by Jan Kiesser ("Beowulf & Grendel"), and shitloads of remarkable, unforgettable scenes, like the infamous "dance sequence" or the final battle in the basement.

Best of all: the perfect cast, consisting of William Ragsdale as horror geek Charley Brewster ("Where do you keep your coffin? Or do you have more than one?"), Stephen Geoffreys as the ridicuously amusing Evil Ed ("Oh, you're so COOL, Brewster!" / "Kill me! Kill me, Charley... before I turn into a vampire and... GIVE YOU A HICKEY!!"), the legendary Roddy McDowall as "Peter Vincent, the great vampire killer" ("Back, spawn of Satan!" / "Nobody wants to see vampire killers anymore, or vampires either. Apparently all they want to see are demented madmen running around in ski-masks, hacking up young virgins."), and Chris Sarandon as super-cool, and wonderfully charming vampire Jerry Dandrige ("Welcome to Fright Night. For real." / "Mr Vincent. I've seen all of your films. And I found them... very amusing!"). Also worth mentioning: Amanda 'Marcy' Bearse as Charley's girlfriend and Jonathan Stark as Dandrige's daytime protector.

As much as I love "The Lost Boys" or "Near Dark"... I can't help it: I love "Fright Night" the most; an unbelievable and unbeatable masterpiece!


German Titles:
Mein Nachbar, der Vampir / Fright Night II - Mein Nachbar der Vampir

USA, 1988
Director: Tommy Lee Wallace


The unexpectedly huge success of "Fright Night" (second highest-grossing horror film of 1985) led to the making of a sequel - unfortunately one that was doomed from the start, involving a drastically slashed budget (only $3 million
- part 1 had $9 million...)
and an extremely limited theatrical release, which makes "Fright Night Part II" one of the most overseen, most underrated and most forgotten horror films of the 80s - a fucking shame because it certainly is one of the best horror sequels of that decade.

Written by Tom Holland, Tim Metcalfe ("Kalifornia") and Miguel Tejada-Flores ("Beyond Re-Animator"), and directed by Tommy Lee Wallace ("Amityville II" / "Halloween III"), "Fright Night Part II" follows Charley Brewster and Peter Vincent who encounter a group of vampires, led by super-hot vampire chick Regine Dandrige, who seeks revenge for the death of her brother Jerry and desperately wants to turn Charley into a vampire so that he can face his punishment for all eternity.

The plot may be not that original and it's almost unexcusable that Stephen Geoffreys didn't reprise his role - but apart from that, it delivers almost everything you want in a good sequel and perfectly lives up to its predecessor. Roddy McDowall and William Ragsdale are back together and in some weird kinda way, they're performances are even better than in the first part. Stunningly intense chemistry, very well attuned to each other, constantly delivering ace dialogue
("I am after a vampire, my friend. No, a REAL vampire! Not one of those fantasy ones." / "What do you mean low grade melodrama? Did you SEE 'Bloodsuckers from Beyond'?? Then you don't know what you're talking about, do you?")
Also, fantastic performances by hottie Julie Carmen as the blood-hungry Regine ("Let's talk about blood, Mr. Vincent. It's very precious to me.") and cutie Traci Lind as Brewster's new girlfriend ("Communion wafers? The stuff you get from the church? Am I going to hell for this?").

There's once again lots of ace-looking special effects, ghastly gore, terrific vampire make-up, and a few other hilarious creatures, such as the silly, slightly lovey-dovey wolfman, the Roller-Vampire who looks a bit like Michael Jackson or the goofy insect-eater. Wallace's direction is spot-on, Mark Irwin's ("Scanners", "Videodrome") camera work is marvellous as always, and Brad Fiedel's music is once again excellent.
Highlights: the very first bite scene, the super-cool vampire party and the outstanding finale - which is even better than the one in the first part - involving coffins, communion wafers, fire, explosions, drama and elevator action. Awesomeness!

If only all sequels would be as great as this one... *sigh*
Oh btw, at one point there were plans for a third film, but sadly, they never came to fruition (read about it here).


Alternate Title:
Fright Night 3D

USA, 2011
Director: Craig Gillespie


A 3D remake of one of the greatest horror films in history? There was no way this could work out, and eventually, it didn't work out - at all. The 2011 reboot of Tom Holland's classic turned out to be a charmless, lifeless, dull, vapid and entirely forgettable piece of boredom that feels as if director Craig Gillespie ("Lars and the Real Girl") and screenwriter Marti Noxon ("I am Number Four") took a rejected script draft for an unrealized "Disturbia" sequel that, and turned it into a "Fright Night" reboot for whatever reason.

There's hardly any suspense or atmosphere, the pacing is way too tedious, the movie plods along at snail's pace, the oh-so-amusing geek humor totally doesn't work, and due to the fact that it's packed to the brim with unbelievably awful-looking CGI effects and slightly sterile settings, it's an eye-insulting flick that probably causes eye-cancer, or something like that.

The acting ranges from okay to unbearable, and nearly every character is a douchebag, especially Peter Vincent 2.0, a frighteningly terrible Russell-Brand-imitation, played by the horribly overrated David Tennant, a terribly miscast Christopher Mintz-Plasse as awfully unfunny Evil Ed 2.0, Anton Yelchin as unlikable and douchy Brewster 2.0 and a surprisingly embarrassing Colin Farrell as unintentionally laughable wifebeater-shirt-wearing serial-bloodsucker who's performance is almost aggravating.

I also hated the supposed-to-be-cool Indie-soundtrack that totally doesn't fit. In fact, all the songs from 'oh-so-hip' artists like 'Foster The Kids' or 'Young The Giant' feel as if they were just randomly thrown in. I dug the pretty gorgeous cinemaotgraphy by Javier Aguirresarobe ("Blue Jasmine"), a couple of okay scenes in the first half and a cool cameo by Chris Sarandon - other than that, "Fright Night" is a worthless, superfluous and forgettable rip-off.


German Title:
Fright Night 2 - Frisches Blut

USA, 2013
Director: Eduardo Rodriguez


I have no idea why, but apparently someone thought it's a great idea to greenlight a sequel in-name-only sequel to the reboot of Tom Holland's 80s classic "Fright Night", or in other words: another(!) remake of the original including several elements of the 1988 sequel, set in Romania where Charley Brewster 3.0 encounters good old Countess Báthory...

Sounds awful, huh? Surprisingly, it's not as awful as expected. Director Eduardo Rodriguez ("Stash House") and screenwriter slash sequel-expert Matt Venne ("White Noise 2" / "Mirrors 2") created a decent little vampire flick that works as a homage to the 80s, as well as a stand-alone film - and it's obviously way better than Craig Gillespie's bad re-crap.

It starts quite lame and boring, gets better and better in the middle and ends with an incredible finale in a blood-filled bathing pit. The acting isn't perfect, but nearly all of the actors deliver solid performances, especially Will Payne as Brewster 3.0 (lightyears better than Anton Yelchin), Chris Waller as Evil Ed 3.0 (lightyears better than Mintz-Plasse), Sean Power as Peter Vincent 3.0 (lightyears better than the insanely overrated David Tennant) and super-mega-hottie Jaime Murray as Báthory. Sacha Parkinson is rather mediocre as Brewster's GF, but when her character becomes a vampire, she's suddenly really, really impressive. Great looks, great mimics, splendid performance!

The CGI effects are absolutely horrid. Gladly, there's still enough 'real' blood and gory kills to enjoy. There's lots of eerie and tense scenes (Báthory in the subway, the chase through the catacombs, Brewster hiding in a coffin, the animated History-of-Báthory scene), as well as many ridiculously awesome moments (Evil Ed's "Cross App", Evil Ed's pizzaface). The camera work is ok but could have been more imaginative, but I really liked the violin-driven score
by Luis Ascanio ("Curandero").

Oh, and did I mention all the wonderful nudity? Lots of boobs, lots of super-hot pole dancers and strippers... Heaven! ;-)

A surprisingly diverting re-remake, highly recommended to everyone who hates rhe remake about as much as me :)

13 February 2015



UK / USA, 2014
Director: Michael G. Bartlett


After making three found footage flicks in a row together with his filmmaking partner Kevin Gates ("Zombie Diaries 1+2", "Paranormal Diaries: Clophill"), Michael G. Bartlett assumingly tried to break free from the routine and created his very first 'solo film' "Treehouse" which follows two teenage brothers who discover an old treehouse in the woods where a young girl hides from an unknown evil force that tries to kill her...

"Treehouse" isn't the most boring film I've ever seen, but it's probably the slowest one. You can't imagine how unbelievably slooooooooow it is. There are several scenes and dialogue parts that are so dull and lengthy, I had to up the speed on my VLC player which almost makes the movie more bearable... almost!
People talk faster (but it's all perfectly comprehensible), the music is more uptempo, the ridiculously slow camera panning becomes a bit more swift etc. etc. - but does the speed-up make the movie better? Nope.

It starts out pretty neat with a damn creepy opening scene, some neat exposition and a well-developed treehouse discovery - but then, it goes downhill like an avalanche. Everything starts to slow down like crazy. Every scene / sequence that could have been at least remotely tense, quickly becomes boring as hell because... well, it's all dragged out so goddamn long, it's ludicrous.

Because of all that super-slow pacing, "Treehouse" fails to surprise you with what originally was supposed to be a clever twist: [SPOILER] what starts out as mere creature feature, suddenly becomes a creature-less survival movie in the vein of "Deliverance" or "Eden Lake". With quicker pacing and a shorter runtime of maybe about 80 minutes, this twist would have worked so well - but here, you barely recognise it... and you actually don't care about it.

What's else to say about it? Decent photography, couple of nice-looking locatiosn, good music, okay acting - though J. Michael Trautmann's performance was rather dreadful. Also, some irritating CGI fire smoke (why?) and an unnerving ending. Meh. Not recommended. Watch "The Zombie Diaries" instead.

Thanks to October Coast Publicity for the screener!

11 February 2015

New Banner / Announcements / Outlook

As you can see above (and below), the Diary has a new banner!!

Thanks to the lovely YVONNE PATTERSON, Queen of Wales and Mastermind of www.WINTERMOON.co.uk who designed this ghastly new banner for me. There are 4 differently colored versions of it and I will upload them all on a rotating basis - yay for variety :-)

On my own account, there's a couple of fun stuff coming, like a new round of "Project Terrible" (this time, I forced myself to watch 5 crappy flicks!!), some more sci-fi related stuff (I watch too much sci-fi lately), a Valentine's day blogfest about vampires and much, much more.
Okay, "much, much more" is a massive overstatement because there will actually be less reviews than in earlier times, simply because my private life has changed and became much, much cooler than before - but I promise, I'll try my best to provide you with as many posts as possible!

I also try to redesign my blog a bit over the next months. Minor changes, some new stuff, some stuff will disappear, some stuff has already disappeared. If you have any ideas or suggestions, let me know in the comments.

Oh btw, I'll see the great "GOBLIN" live on the 20th of March in Vienna. They'll perform together with "Vercetti Technicolor" and "The Vienna Black Gloves".
I'll report back!

Thanks to all people out there who still frequently check out my blog. I appreciate all your comments and likes. Forgive me for being a lazy fuck when it comes to replying to comments and emails. Life is busy and so am I ;-)


CD Review: John Carpenter's "LOST THEMES"

John Carpenter

1. Vortex
2. Obsidian
3. Fallen
4. Domain
5. Mystery
6. Abyss
7. Wraith
8. Purgatory
9. Night

Even though it's pretty sad that legendary horror director John Carpenter doesn't exactly feel like making movies anymore, it's definitely very cool that he's focussing on making music now: at the age of 67, after decades of composing incredible scores for most of his movies, Carpenter finally created his very first studio album. "Lost Themes", a collection of 9 instrumentals, all composed, performed and engineered by Carpenter himself, his son Cody Carpenter and fellow musician Daniel Davies.

In the liner notes, Carpenter states "(...) if you listen carefully, I'm sure you can hear some echoes from my past." which is quite an understatement. Carpenter's past is so all over the album, there's not much need for listening carefully to it ;-) The opening track "Vortex" alone brings back memories from "Halloween", "The Fog", "Prince of Darkness" or "Escape from New York". Spooky synth patterns, grim guitars, carefully accentuated moody piano portions and a driving beat, resulting in an addictive and fascinating piece of gloominess.

The remaining eight tunes aren't far short of the mark; they all surprise with clever ideas and unexpected twists, as well as with well-known and beloved Carpenter tropes. Songs like "Mystery" or the epic 8-minute quasi-prog-rock-infected monster "Obsidian" seem to be highly influenced by Italian movie composers like Claudio Simonetti ("Suspiria") or Fabio Frizzi ("Zombi 2"), while "Night" or "Fallen" feel like unused compositions for early Carpenter flicks like "Assault on Precint 13" or "Someone's Watching Me".

Out-of-control organs coalesce with proggy drum percussions, mildly aggressive 'stomp' rhythms merge with warm synth massages, jazz-rock meets space pop, prog dance meets semi-blues. There's no limits, no musical boundaries. Carpenter and his fellow musicians give a flying fuck about any conventions and do whatever they wanna do - a splendid formula that works perfectly and leads to a great album that gets better and better with every listen. 

I have no idea if Carpenter will ever do another movie, but I'd be more than happy if he continues his musical career. There must be more "Lost Themes", fingers crossed!  -  8/10

09 February 2015



USA, 2015
Directors: Andy & Lana Wachowski


After their first two masterpieces "Bound" and "The Matrix", the Wachowskis botched their reputation with two unnecessary and highly disappointing "Matrix"-sequels, as well as with box office bombs like the silly "Speed Racer" and the overlong Tom Tykwer collaboration "Cloud Atlas" - and now, so it seems, they fully annihilated their own career with "Jupiter Ascending", a $175 million sci-fi turd that barely made $19 million on its first weekend in America; a commercial failure of epic proportions - and quite rightly so.

"Jupiter Ascending" is the stupidest thing the Wachowskis have ever done, a science fiction movie so daft and redundant, it almost makes "Battlefield Earth" look decent (almost). A space opera that isn't a space opera, but more of an overambitious and overbudgeted soap opera, an outer-space version of "Falcon Crest" or "Dallas" about the Earth's dumbest and most naive girl becoming some sorta queen of the galaxy, about three almost unbearable space siblings who consider genes "spiritually significant" (ugh), about space lawyers, space contracts and space marriages, about Russians who constantly make oh-so-funny Stalin-jokes (ahaha) and about armadas of unintentionally hilarious
man/animal hybrids, one sillier than the other (the one with the elephant head... cringeworthy to the max).

It's a mystery how the Wachowskis garnered such an immensely high budget for such a insanely inane story/screenplay that tries to look original, but actually is just a hodge-podge' of sci-fi rubbish like "The Chronicles of Riddick" and "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (the movie, not the book) and sci-fi masterpieces like "Star Wars" and "Brazil", the latter was paid tribute to with an immensely nonsensical sequence (that reminded my girlfriend of the 'Permit A 38' scene in "The 12 Tasks of Asterix"...) that's so unnerving, it's insulting. Even worse: this sequence includes an entirely forgettable cameo by "Brazil"-mastermind Terry Gilliam!! Sad, just sad.

Mila Kunis' performance is as bad as her poor acting in "American Psycho 2", and her chemistry with Channing Tatum, who plays a lycanthropic ex-angel(!!) with figure-skating-like space shoes(!!!), is nonexistent. Eddie Redmayne is a tad better, though his over-the-top semi-dramatic performance is still pretty annoying and reminds too much of Gary Oldman in "The Fifth Element". Sean Bean is the only one who's doing some decent acting, though he was forced to deliver horrible lines like "Bees are genetically designed to respond to royalty."...

...which brings me to the dialogue which is at times so fucking bad, it makes you question the Wachowski's intellect. The scene where Tatum says "I have more in common with a dog than I have with you." and Kunis responds "I’ve always loved dogs."... There were many, many people in the audience who laughed their asses off at nonsense like this. The movie was packed with even stupider lines, but this little... erm, 'conversation' encapsulates almost everything that is wrong with this goddamn piece of space junk.

Don't get me started...
...on Kunis' utterly unlikable character who doesn't question anything, trusts anyone, does anything and almost gets killed two times in a row just because her incredibly massive naivety makes her constantly act as if she's fully retarded.
...on the convoluted and overcomplicated storyline that comes off as unintentionally perplexing and ultimately irrevelant.
...the movie's structure that feels more like a succession of various Wachowski short films that actually just don't fit together.
...the earache-causing score by Michael Giacchino (who won an oscar for "Up") which is so over-bombastic and over-pompous, it makes you wanna
chop off your ears Van-Gogh-like.

To quote from "The Matrix":
'This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.'
"Jupiter Ascending" was the Wachowskis' last chance. Unless they bring back the "Matrix" universe in form of a sequel, prequel, reboot or TV series,
their days are numbered...

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