Maynard Morrissey's HORROR MOVIE DIARY

OF SILENCE

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Thu, 31 May 2012 18:37:00 +0000

OF SILENCE

USA, 2012

Director: Jeremiah Sayys

7/10

"Of Silence" is the pretty impressive debut feature of Alabamian director / writer / producer / actor Jeremiah Sayys, a movie about a young man who slowly slips into madness after his wife's death. It's a dark and depressing psychological horror-drama, not perfect but definitely something worth checking out.

The movie is very well made, very well shot, thanks to the powerful direction and the fantastic camera work of Erick M. Crespo who captures the haunting atmosphere of the darkly-lit one-location setting (a suburban house) in a mesmerising way.

There's lots of thrilling tension and suspense, shitloads of eerie sounds and noises, many extremely creepy scenes and even a few cool jump scares.

The acting is outstanding: Jeremiah delivers a mindblowing and stunningly intriguing, almost disturbing performance. There were moments where I thought that this is a real person, not just a film character.

The other actors are also very good, especially the gorgeous Ashlee Gillespie ("7th Heaven") and Suzanne Ford (upcoming "The Apparition").

There are a few unnecessary lengths in the middle, and I wasn't too fond of the weird and incomprehensible ending which raises more questions than answers. Nevertheless, "Of Silence" is a remarkable and quite awesome movie, made by a very talented filmmaker. Well done!

Imdb
OF SILENCE on FACEBOOK

[Thanks to Jeremiah for sending me a screener of the movie]

FACES IN THE CROWD

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Wed, 30 May 2012 18:41:00 +0000

FACES IN THE CROWD

Canada / France / USA, 2011
Director: Julien Magnat

4/10

Man, I was so excited about this and I realy, really wanted to love this movie, but I couldn't. "Faces In The Crowd" is a mystery-thriller/drama (a bit in the vein of movies like "Jennifer 8", "Eyes Of Laura Mars" or "Julia's Eyes") with a fascinating premise and some nice Giallo-elements, but alas, badly executed, poorly directed and horribly written.

It starts out strong in the first half, but falls completely flat in the second half, thanks to Julien Magnat's horrid script. Gee, there are so many stupid plot holes and illogical plot points, I yelled with rage at the screen several times. What's with the guy who suddenly shaved his face for no apparent reason? Why is the main character unable to distinguish people from their voices? What's with the killed woman in the club? How can that happen so easily? Why are there so many rollerbladers?

Furthermore, there's no chemistry between all of the characters (yes, all of them), and the whole thing is so fucking predictable, I knew who the killer was after the first half hour.

I adore Milla Jovovich and I think she gives an awesome performance as teacher who suffers from face-blindness, still there are many scenes where it seems as she has no idea what to make of her character. The other actors are mostly weak, espcially the wooden Michael Shanks and a surprisingly weak Marianne Faithfull. Oh btw, for no apparent reason, Faithfull's character was named after
Heather Langenkamp...

As for the good, the opening kill reminded me a bit of early-70s Argento, there are a few highly suspenseful sequences (subway, showdown) and the constant changing of the faces looked great - but apart from that, "Faces In The Crowd" is a huge letdown.

Wiki ~ Imdb

Michael Haneke's FUNNY GAMES (1997 & 2008)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Tue, 29 May 2012 19:30:00 +0000

Huge congrats to Austrian director Michael Haneke who won his 2nd Golden Palm at the Cannes Filmfestival for his newest film "Amour".
Woot Woot, Austria :)

The perfect opportunity to post a little review of my alltime favorite Haneke movie (and a review of my least favorite Haneke movie).

FUNNY GAMES

Austria, 1997
Director: Michael Haneke

10/10

Not the first home invasion movie ever made, but undoubtedly one of the greatest and most shocking ones: the outstanding "Funny Games", one of Michael Haneke's most impressive movies next to masterpieces like "The Piano Teacher", "Benny's Video" and "Caché".

It's obviously not a funny movie, but rather a mean, brutal and deeply disturbing 'experiment in terror' about violence in media and senseless violence per se, very realistic and authentic. Haneke's unique, innovative and completely unpredictable script is mindblowing, and his sharp, gripping direction is just flawless.

The acting is excellent and every cast member delivers a fantastic performance, most notably Arno Frisch and Frank Giering as cruel and terrifying invaders, and the amazing Susanne Lothar as tormented mother.

The movie is packed with upsetting and disturbing scenes that leave you speechless, such as the kid's death, the crying father, the killing of the dog or the scene where the mother gets thrown into the lake.

Other 'highlights': the heartstopping Vivaldi-meets-John-Zorn opening, the disconcerting egg-scene, the son's thrilling escape and of course, the infamous remote control sequence, probably the most unfair scenes in movie history.

"Funny Games" is an absolutely outstanding European movie highlight, highly recommended to people who love controversial and uncompromising movies like "Irreversible" or "Last House On The Left".

Wiki ~ Imdb

FUNNY GAMES U.S.

Alternate Title:
Funny Games

USA / UK / France / Austria / Germany / Italy, 2007/2008
Director: Michael Haneke

4/10

10 years later Michael Haneke, for whatever reason (money? lack of ideas?), decided to shoot an American version of his classic. The result: "Funny Games U.S.", an utterly unnecessary shot-for-shot remake, now set in America with American actors.

The film may work if you have never seen the original, but totally doesn't work when you already seen the original a couple of times (just like me). It's the same movie with the same characters, the same dialogue (now in English), the same long shots and similar-looking settings.

During the entire movie I was hoping for something new: a different plot twist, new dialogue lines, different character responses etc. - unfortunately nothing new happened :-/

The cast is great (Naomi Watts, Tim Roth) and the acting is good, but sadly no-one here is able to deliver a performance as strong, powerful and emotional as the cast from the original did. Furthermore, the absence of surprises disappointed me and after the first half hour I was almost bored to death, despite the beautiful cinematography and Haneke's tight direction.

Of course, far from being as bad as Gus van Sant's stupid shot-for-shot re-crap of "Psycho", but definitely as pointless and redundant. Stick to the original.

Wiki ~ Imdb

"CARNIVAL OF CRIME" (Cult Terror Cinema 12 Movies Pack, #10)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Sun, 27 May 2012 18:30:00 +0000

CARNIVAL OF CRIME

Original Title:
Sócio de Alcova

Argentina / Brazil / USA / Spain, 1962

Director: George M. Cahan

2/10

*Yaaawn* Horribly boring and super-tedious low-budget mystery / crime / drama / comedy hodgepodge without any tension or suspense, thanks to the bland direction and a badly written, badly paced script.

The acting is ok (Jean-Pierre Aumont) and the cinematography looks nice - everything else is just bad: endless scenes of people talking and talking and talking, an incredibly annoying Flamenco-soundtrack, a pretty dumb plot that almost needs forever to get under way, some awful-looking stock-footage, and a few weird scenes, probably intercut from some other low-budget movie, that have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film.

A carnival of crap.

Imdb

"LURKERS" (Cult Terror Cinema 12 Movies Pack, #9)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Sun, 27 May 2012 18:08:00 +0000

LURKERS

Alternate Title:
Home Sweet Home

USA, 1988
Director: Roberta Findlay

2/10

"Lurkers" is a pretty crappy lowest-budget z-grade horror-rubbish from Roberta Findlay, director of 70s Hardcore Porn classics like "Anyone But My Husband" or "Mystique", but also responsible for 80s horror junk like "Prime Evil" or "Blood Sisters".

The good:

A solid opening scene where a girl gets threatened with an electric iron by his mother, gets almost strangled with a jump rope by a few other kids, and gets haunted by some weird ghosts, called "Lurkers" - some ok gore and a few gorgeous tits.

The bad:

Everything else. Nearly every single actor is horrible, nearly every character is completely unlikable, there's almost no suspense or tension, the direction is weak, the editing is amateutish, every single effect looks cheap, the plot is stupid, the ending is laughable and the synth score from Walter E. Sear ("The Beyond", "Zombie Holocaust") is so bad, so incredibly annoying, it makes you wanna stick pencils in your ears.

Avoidable 80s garbage, don't bother checking it out.

Imdb

EXORCISMUS

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Fri, 25 May 2012 18:00:00 +0000

EXORCISMUS

Original Title:
La posesión de Emma Evans

German Title:
Der Exorzismus der Emma Evans

Spain, 2010
Director: Manuel Carballo

5/10

I have no idea why I regularly force myself to watch mediocre exorcism flicks, but... sigh, whatever. Here we go: the Filmax-produced "Exorcismus" is just another unimportant and rather unimpressing movie about a teenage girl that gets possessed by the devil.

It's watchable. No more and no less. Sophie Vavasseur delivers a superb and highly believable performance as the eponymous main character - the rest of the acting ranges from decent to lame. There are many tense and intriguing moments, but also many tedious and boring scenes.

The plot is predictable but solid (same for the ending), the soundtrack is good, the handheld camera work is often a bit annoying and all the exorcism-clichés (levitation, demonic voice, seizures)... well, we have all seen that before.

Ok but forgettable. For hardcore exorcism-fans only.

Wiki ~ Imdb

THE UNINVITED VISITOR

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Fri, 25 May 2012 17:23:00 +0000

THE UNINVITED VISITOR

(4minute short)

USA, 2012

Director: Christian Guzman

7/10

Third episode in Christian Guzman and Rudy Gold's "Midnight Horror Show", and so far the best: "The Uninvited Visitor", a nice little chiller that I enjoyed a lot.

It's tense, gripping and highly atmopsheric, including a few great moments that kept me on the edge of my seat, and one kick-ass jump scare that creeped the crap outta me :)

Camera work and editing are fine, the set design is cool and Erin Powell's haunting music is just awesome, plus: Katelin Petersen delivers a solid and believable performance.

Flaws: it's too short and the lack of plot is disappointing.
Aside from that, I loved it!

Watch it here!

DRIVE ANGRY

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Thu, 24 May 2012 18:03:00 +0000

DRIVE ANGRY

Alternate Title:
Drive Angry 3D

Alternate German Title:
Drive Angry - Fahr zur Hölle

USA, 2011
Director: Patrick Lussier

6/10

After the atrocious "Ghost Rider 2", I actually promised myself never... NEVER to watch anymore post-2000 Nic Cage movies, but one of my workmates (and The Cinema Snob) convinced me to break my promise, and to give this one a shot - and so I did. Well, it's nothing special but at least it's far, FAAAR better than the "Ghost Rider" flicks.

Patrick Lussier's 3D box office bomb "Drive Angry" is a quite enjoyable grindhouse-like carsploitation action movie. It's entertaining and action-packed, full of exploding cars, gun shootings, naked girls and car chases, but unfortunately, it's also full of dull, tedious and uninteresting scenes, that totally spoil all the fun.

As for the acting... well, Nicolas Cage is Nicolas Cage (though fortunately not as over-the-top as usual), and Amber Heard is Amber Heard (decent but horribly overrated actress) - but the rest of the cast is pretty awesome, especially William Fichtner as the super-hilarious "The Accountant", the legendary Tom Atkins as grumpy police captain, David Morse as highly sympathetic trucker, and script writer Todd Farmer as cheating douchebag.

Top: Nic Cage humping a whore while smoking a cigar, drinking Whiskey and shooting an awful lot of bad guys.
Flop: way too many shitty-looking CGI effects; some annoying 3D.

Final verdict: solid but forgettable fun flick.

Wiki ~ Imdb

Comparison: The Funhouse / Halloween / Psycho

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Tue, 22 May 2012 19:44:00 +0000

In the opening scene of "The Funhouse" (1981), Tobe Hooper pays massive tribute to the shower scene from Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" (1960) and the opening of John Carpenter's "Halloween" (1978).

Here's a little comparison between these scenes:

A mysterious killer picks up a clown mask and puts it on. In both movies, the killer is actually a little boy.

Isn't it awesome that Hooper paid tribute to a movie that came out only 3 years before?

The mysterious killer enters the bathroom and 'kills' a young girl with a large knife.

Absolutely fantastic homage to Hitchcock's unique and outstanding shower scene.

Tobe Hooper's THE FUNHOUSE

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Tue, 22 May 2012 18:07:00 +0000

THE FUNHOUSE

Alternate Titles:
Funhouse: Carnival Of Terror

German Title:
Das Kabinett des Schreckens

USA, 1981
Director: Tobe Hooper

9,5/10

Not only one of Tobe Hooper's most underrated movies, but also one of the most underrated slasher movies of all time: "The Funhouse", an awesome and very well made powerhouse of a horror movie. I loved it when I first saw it (almost 20 years ago) and I still totally adore it.

Aside from 1-2 annoying characters and a few lame dialogue lines, this is one of the very few 80s slashers that are almost perfect - you know... perfect in a slasher sense :)

The whole movie is incredibly tense and gripping, very well paced and packed with suspense. Hooper's direction is flawless and Larry Block's surprisingly intelligent script is just outstanding, thanks to a cool story, interesting characters, and many unexpected twists and turns.

The attractions at the carnival are all just cool (a freakshow with 2-headed cows and mutant babies, hot strip girls, the amusing impaler...) and the spooky Funhouse is a tremendous feast for the eyes. The deformed killer is one of the most fascinating creatures in horror history - sure, he's dangerous and frightening, but he's also extremely pitiful due to his miserable life. The sex scene where he tries to have sex with Madame Zena is strangely sad and almost touching.

Highlights:
The kick-ass opening credits, the uber-awesome opening scene which pays tribute to "Halloween" AND "Psycho", all the kills, and of course, the breathtakingly stunning climax.

Furthermore, most of the acting is pretty good (most notably Kevin Conway and the super-gorgeous Elizabeth Berridge), the settings all look excellent, the camera work is amazing and trailer-composer John Beal's powerful score is just outstanding.

"The Funhouse" is a top notch must-see, must-have horror classic. If you haven't seen it yet... my goodness, you don't know what you're missing!!

Wiki ~ Imdb

Oh btw, "The Funhouse" has also one of the coolest opening credits ever.

Check out the awesomeness!

DARK RIDE

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Tue, 22 May 2012 18:07:00 +0000

DARK RIDE

USA, 2006
Director: Craig Singer

3/10

A blatant rip-off of Tobe Hooper's classic "The Funhouse",
boring, cliché-laden and stupid.

Pros:

There are a few badass and supergory kills (head cut in half, the freaky blowjob decapitation, the puppet string corpse), the funhouse-settings are very well designed and look pretty creepy, and the killer's mask looks just cool.

Cons:

The acting ranges from weak to terrible. Every single characters is so fuckin' annoying, it's absurd. The dialogue is beyond awful. Large parts of the movie are so fuckin' slow and tedious, it almost made me fell asleep. The direction is lame. The script is laughable. The shaky camera work is a joke.

Watch Craig Singer's "Perkins' 14" instead. No masterpiece but way better than this piece of junk.

Wiki ~ Imdb

Horrorfest 2006

WE ARE WHAT WE EAT

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Mon, 21 May 2012 18:47:00 +0000

WE ARE WHAT WE EAT
(10minute short)

UK, 2012
Director: Sam Toller

8/10

Just when you thought the zombie-genre was dead and buried, 16 year old filmmaker Sam Toller comes along with an impressive and refreshingly complex short film about a zombie-invasion at a high school, shot over 2 days in 6 locations.

"We Are What We Eat" (not to be confused with the Mexican "We Are What We Are") starts out slow and weird, but gets more and more compelling and intriguing, and ends with an unexpected bang. There's some breathtaking atmosphere and lots of tension, and the constant switching between dream and reality is simply fascinating.

Next to Toller's gripping direction and powerful script, we get to see some beautiful cinematography, excellent editing and many well-shot, well-chosen settings. The zombie make-up looks kick-ass, the gore effects look cool and believable, the gloomy soundtrack is very fitting, and the acting is solid (especially Lucy Joyce and Chris Bearne).

It's obviously not as awesome as "Plague", my favorite zombie-short of all time, but it's definitely one of the most original, most inventive non-zomedy zombie flicks in a long time.

Oh btw, these 2 pics are from the presskit and they are just too funny not to show to you :-)

"Making fake intestines was a blast!
Producer Darien Davis' cat, Charlie, thought so too..."

Imdb
We Are What We Eat on Facebook

"BLOODLUST!" (Cult Terror Cinema 12 Movies Pack, #8)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Sun, 20 May 2012 18:10:00 +0000

BLOODLUST!

USA, 1959/1961
Director: Ralph Brooke

5,5/10

"Bloodlust!" is blatant low-budget rip-off of the 30s classic "The Most Dangerous Game". It's silly and amateurish, but it's also quite funny and entertaining, thanks to the short runtime and the tight pacing.

The cast is pretty cool - Robert "Brady Bunch" Reed, Wilton Graff as bloodthirsty maniac Dr. Albert Balleau, and his intimidated wife, played by Lilyan Chauvin, the Mother Superior from "Silent Night, Deadly Night".

There's lots of cool kills (decomposed in a tub of acid, attacked by leeches in quicksand, death by bow and arrow), an effective score and a few hilarious dialogue lines ("I can't go on forever, pretending to be a useless drunk.").

As for the bad, most of the characters are plain stupid and constantly make wrong or imbecile decisions. The story is idiotic and brims over with large plot holes, most of the effects look cheesy, the editing is weak and the ending is dumb.

Overall, a campy and enjoyable drive-in flick, best enjoyed as a double feature together with "Guru The Mad Monk".

Wiki ~ Imdb

"THE HEARSE" (Cult Terror Cinema 12 Movies Pack, #7)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Sun, 20 May 2012 17:12:00 +0000

THE HEARSE

German Title:
Der Leichenwagen

USA, 1980
Director: George Bowers

4/10

"The Hearse" is a weak little supernatural horror film, similar to other ghost flicks from that time, like "The Changeling", "Ghost Story" or "The Nesting". It's tedious an unimpressive, and the title is pretty misleading because it's more about a haunted house, rather than about a haunting hearse.

While the first half is fairly creepy and atmospheric, the second half is just boring and lame, especially because of many cheap and laughable jump scares, many predictable plot points / plot twists, a frustratingly disappointing ending and a complete lack of suspense.

Leading lady Trish van Devere (wife of George C. Scott, both were staring "The Changeling") and a few of the other actors deliver solid performances, the settings look gorgeous and the piano score is neat - yet, overall it's a quite unsatisfying borefest. Meh.

Wiki ~ Imdb

DEADTIME

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Sat, 19 May 2012 17:21:00 +0000

DEADTIME

UK, 2012
Director: Tony Jopia

3/10

Lame British comedy-slasher about a rock/metal band locked into a rundown studio where they get terrorized by a mysterious killer. I actually expected this to be in the vein of 80s hairmetal-horror flicks like "Trick Or Treat" or "Black Roses", unfortunately it turned out to be an amateurish, poorly directed and badly written low-budget flick that just can't decide between silly comedy and brutal gorefest.

The good:
The first 25-30 minutes are fairly entertaining, the cameos of Leslie Grantham and Joe Egan are cool, the very first kill is brilliantly brutal and there are a few pretty funny dialogue lines

("At least I don't get fucked in the toilet." - "Honey, you are the toilet." /

"Led Zeppelin (...) sold their souls for Rock 'n' Roll, baby... what?" - "Uuuh, load of old bollocks.").

The bad:

The movie is 15-20 minutes too long, there's nearly no suspense or atmosphere, and it's packed with too many horribly boring, horribly slow scenes where people talking over and over and over.

The soundtrack is basically quite solid (nice rock tunes, interesting Dead-Can-Dance-like music) but they're using the same songs over and over until it gets plain annoying.

Furthermore, the acting ranges from mediocre to terrible and pretty much every single character is a prick. Huge thanks to the 2 cameramen who make the set, an abandoned building, look like there's only a few rooms and a backyard, although one character claims that "the building goes on for miles".

Worst of all: there's gallons of CGI gore which looks sooo effin' awful, it makes movies like "Dismal" or "Wrong Turn 3" look like they were made by James Cameron

Nice try but no - "Deadtime" is bad time.

Imdb

[Thanks to Clare from Hudson PR for sending me a Deadtime screener]

Project Terrible: GOTH

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Thu, 17 May 2012 19:25:00 +0000

Project Terrible, Bonus Review!!
I saw "Goth" last year in August, wrote a review for it - and then completely forgot about it, until I gave it to Mondo for this month's PT.
So finally, here it is: my "super-awesome" review for the "super-awesome" "Goth"...

GOTH

German Title:
Goth - Der totale Horror

USA, 2003
Director: Brad Sykes

1,5/10

Horrible lowest-lowest-lowest-budget crapfest about a gothic girl named 'Goth' that tries to teach a gothic couple what the true meaning of 'gothic' is... or something like that.

Infamous z-grade director Brad Sykes (Camp Blood 1-3, Zombie Chronicles) created another absolutely awful garbage-movie with good-looking but toally untalented actors (Phoebe Dollar, Laura Reilly), dreadful idiot-characters, incredibly annoying shaky cam, cheap-looking kills, ugly settings and a stupid plot incl. supercrappy end twist.

Pure waste of time. Ville Valo is creepier than this.

Imdb

Project Terrible: THE TELLING

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Thu, 17 May 2012 18:15:00 +0000

Project Terrible, Numero 3: Craig from LET'S GET OUT OF HERE wanted to destroy me with a cheesy low-budget flick full of Playboy models.
Fortunately for me, he totally failed :-)

THE TELLING

USA, 2009
Director: Nicholas Carpenter

6/10

Believe me, I didn't want to enjoy this movie. Not at all. But goddammit, for whatever reason I surprisingly enjoyed it a lot! "The Telling", the directorial debut of Nicholas Carpenter (grandson of director Hal Roach), is a fun little horror-comedy anthology, partially shot at the Playboy Mansion, introducing many Playmates and Playboy models (Sara Jean Underwood, Holly Madison, Tamara Witmer...).

No, it's not a perfect flick. The overall acting is mediocre (some ok acting, some really, really bad acting), there's way too many annoyingly cheesy dialogue, the direction is weak, the pacing is muddled and you can clearly see that it's low-budget. Apart from that, I had a pretty great time watching it.

Nearly every single girl looks damn hot, the cinematography is pretty great, the rocking soundtrack is cool, and the whole movie is thoroughly entertaining without getting boring. Oh, and IMO it has a nice "House On Sorority Row" / "Initiation Of Sarah"-feel to it.

Wraparound story - 3 girls pledge a cruel sorority; for their final task they have to tell the scariest story they know. Funny, diverting and amusing. The plot twist at the end is brilliant.
Segment 1, "Dollface" - Clichéd but really thrilling episode about a creepy-looking killer doll. Weak acting, but many eerie shots, suspenseful scenes and a cool climax.

Segment 2, "The Crimson Echo" - Weird and flawed but still pretty interesting and chilling black-and-white tale about an undead film-team continuing filming to stay alive.

Segment 3, "Prank Call" - Tense and entertaining slasher-variation, full of unexpected twists and gripping scenes, a bit in the vein of William Castle's "I Saw What You Did".

Call me dumb, call me nuts - I don't care. I enjoyed it! Thanks Craig =D

Wiki ~ Imdb

Project Terrible: DEEP EVIL

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Wed, 16 May 2012 19:04:00 +0000

Project Terrible, Numero 2: Robert from GAMING CREATIVELY punished me with this super-terrible piece of sci-fi shit. Deep Evil? Nah, Deep Crap.

DEEP EVIL

Canada, 2004
Director: Pat Williams

1,5/10

Dumb and generic sci-fi / horror made-for-TV movie about a military team fighting against a few aliens in a biochemical research lab. It's a cheap and horribly boring flick, in the vein of garbage like "Syngenor" or the horrid "X-Tro" sequels.

Lorenzo Lamas' performance is laughable, the rest of the cast isn't much better. Every character is an idiot and the dialogue just sucks. The CGI looks terrible and the rubber-suit aliens are ugly "Creature From The Black Lagoon" rip-offs.

Highlights:

Lorenzo "I look dumb as fuck" Lamas

Crappy CGI alien-spider invasion

Crappy lagoon-alien

Lagoon-alien explodes

Some ugly alien transforms into... um, alien-water

Some guy transforms into... um, alien-water

If you love Lorenzo Lamas, go see this movie.

If you are a fan of SyFy and The Asylum, go see this movie.

If you are bored and have nothing else to do, go see this movie.

Other than that, AVOID!

Imdb

Project Terrible: FRANKENSTEIN 2000

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Tue, 15 May 2012 18:17:00 +0000

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
Mondo Bizarro's mighty, mighty "PROJECT TERRIBLE" is back, bitches! Worse and more terrible than ever! :-)
Huge thanks to Mondo who gave me this hilariously bad piece of Italo-rubbish. Mary W. Shelley would turn in her grave =D

FRANKENSTEIN 2000

Original Titles:
Ritorno dalla morte / Il ritorno dalla morte - Frankenstein 2000

Alternate Title:
Return From Death: Frankenstein 2000

Italy, 1991
Director: Joe D'Amato (as David Hills)

2/10

There was a time (late 70s, early 80s) when Joe D'Amato was in his right mind and created a few fabulous Italo-gore-classics ("Buio Omega", "Anthropophagus", "Absurd") - yet, by the late 80s / early 90s he completely lost his mind and created schlockfest after schlockfest.

Stunningly crappy movies like "Quest For The Mighty Sword", "Killing Birds", "Contamination .7" or this one here: "FRANKENSTEIN 2000", a cheap, lousy, stupid and very, VERY loose adaptation of the Frankenstein story.

The monster is actually French veteran actor Donald O'Brien, star in countless western, horror and exploitation movies between the 60s and 90s. He looks awful as zombie, but it's pretty funny watching him limping around, killing off bad guys.

The movie's only 'good' gore scene: Donald O'Brien crushing the head of some stupid surgeon.

For whatever reason, the movie was shot in some ugly rural town in Lower Austria.

Some weird and pointless Nazisploitation. Yes, the name of the Disco here is "Heil"...

"Frankenstein 2000" is a terrible movie, badly written and directed, awfully shot and edited. It's boring and tedious, the plot sucks, and it's packed with laughable actors. The settings look cheap, the effects look ridiculous and the score is dull and repetitive.

Apart from some nice gore and O'Brien's performance, everything about this stinker sucks.

Imdb

SLEEP TIGHT (/Slashing Europe 2012)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Sun, 13 May 2012 18:59:00 +0000

SLEEP TIGHT

Original Title:
Mientras duermes

Spain, 2011
Director: Jaume Balagueró

10/10

Despite my low expectations (I expected this to be as lame as the similarly plotted "The Resident", an abysmally poor piece of dreck), "Sleep Tight" turned out to be absolutely outstanding. "[REC]" director Jaume Balagueró created a gripping, intense and unsettling horror-thriller that totally got under my skin.

Luis Tosar (what an AMAZING actor!) plays the suicidal janitor Cesar who only feels kinda happy when he can emotionally destroy the lives of others, in this case the life of the naive young girl Clara, a happy and cheerful person (wonderfully played by Marta Etura). Every night Cesar hides under Clara's bed, waits until she's asleep, and then...

Due to Balagueró's incredibly strong direction and a very well conceived script, the movie is stunningly tense, stunningly thrilling from the very first to the very last minute, including a shitload of scenes that are so effin' suspenseful, it almost makes you forget about Hitchcock. The one scene where Cesar tries to sneak out of Clara's apartment is sooo nerve-rackingly suspenseful, I sat there wide-eyed, biting my fist...
gee, I was a complete and utter wreck, long before the movie ended.

The cinematography is beautiful and the "[REC]"-like apartment complex looks simply cool. Every character is believable and sympathetic, every actor gives a great performance. The soundtrack is excellent and the dialogue is entertaining. It's full of breathtaking moments/scenes (cockroach invasion, slit throat, Cesar on the roof) and the ending is just plain shocking.

"Sleep Tight" is a masterpiece!

Wiki ~ Imdb

"THE CREEPING TERROR" (Cult Terror Cinema 12 Movies Pack, #6)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Sun, 13 May 2012 18:06:00 +0000

THE CREEPING TERROR

USA, 1964
Director: Vic Savage

LOL/10

I've seen a lot of bad movies in my life. Unintentionally funny stuff like "Manos" or the "Troll" flicks, frustrating crap like "Skeleton Key 2" or "Shock Labyrinth" and complete garbage like "Capture Of Bigfoot" or "Nail Gun Massacre" - but I've never seen anything as stupid, as ridiculous, as crappy, as brain-meltingly terrible as "The Creeping Terror".

Everything is bad in this movie. Everything is wrong in this movie. Yes, everything. EVERYTHING!

- The "Creeping Terror" is actually a monster from outer space that looks like a large, old carpet with weeds growing on it, and a head made of old shaver cables. It makes sounds like a 90 year old Asthmatic, it moves about as slow as a Roman snail, and when it tries to eat a victim with its strange mouth (which actually looks like a deformed vagina), it's actually the victim crawling into the mouth!

- Instead of proper dialogue (reportedly the original soundtrack got lost after shooting was completed), we get some serious guy who narrates over almost every scene and tells us what's going on *yawn*
There are a few dialogue scenes, but they were dubbed in such an amateurish way, it's just annoying.

- The acting is superlame and the characters are all completely uninteresting cardboard cut-outs. When the monster crawls towards them, they just stand around and wait to get eaten.

"Highlights":

~ The scene where the army arrives (the 'Army' is actually a couple of dumb guys in some old pick up truck).

~ The opening scene where the alien's spaceship crashlands (which is actually "reversed" stock footage of a Mercury Rocket).

~ The completely pointless How-marriage-can-change-your-life sequence.
~ The people at the "Hootenanny" who all dance like they experience epileptic seizures.

~ The guy who beats onto the instruments of the spaceship with a steelpipe for about 2(!) minutes. etc. etc.

"The Creeping Terror" is a masterpiece of crappiness; so bad, so incredibly bad... it's just bad =D

Wiki ~ Imdb

ROTTEN ROMANCE

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Sun, 13 May 2012 16:41:00 +0000

ROTTEN ROMANCE
(19minute short)

Netherlands, 2012
Director: Erik Zijlstra

5,5/10

"Rotten Romance", a gory and bizarre but completely insubstantial Dutch anthology short film about a masked woman cutting out the intestines of her blind date, a tattoed girl fucking with her daddy's corpse, and a transvestite cutting off his penis and burying it.

Segment 1, "Blind Date" - stylish, tense and highly atmospheric, including some superbly brutal gore. Unfortunately, the acting is somewhat poor and the ending just sucks.

Segment 2, "Daddy's Birthday" - well-filmed and pretty entertaining; reminded me a lot of "Nekromantik". Porn actress Foxxy Angel is pretty hot, and the corpse looks nasty. The use of Johann Strauss' "Blue Danube Waltz" is fun and the squirting made me giggle.

Segment 3, "The Funeral Of A Penis" - dumb, unfunny and pointless. The settings look ugly, the tranny is annoying, the gore effects look cheap and the 'shovel' sound effects totally don't match the visuals.

Overall, interesting but unconvinving.

Erik Zijlstra on Wikipedia

Horror Blog Of The Month: MEMOIRS OF A SCREAM QUEEN

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Fri, 11 May 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Too many male horror bloggers - it's time for some girl power :)

This month's HBOTM is "MEMOIRS OF A SCREAM QUEEN", the wonderful blog of Jenny Krueger, a cool and very nice girl from Salt Lake City, Utah.

Jenny is obsessed with all things horror, be it movies, be it monsters, be it serial killers. Her blog entries are always very detailed and insightful, her writing style is inviting and compelling and she's always completely honest about the things she writes.

Plus: every now and then, she posts gory pics of herself :)

Forget about Jamie Lee Curtis - Obey your new Scream Queen! =)

Maynard:

Hi Jenny! Who are you and why do you blog?

Jenny:

Heeey! I'm Jenny Krueger, Scream Queen, Zombie Lover and all around bad ass!

I blog because horror movies and writing are my two passions in life and I wanted to combine them. What better way to get your thoughts out on all things horror then starting a horror blog?! I've always said I put the Whore in Horror. ;)

Which movie made you a horror fan (and why)?

I've always been into scary movies ever since I was little. The movie that made me a true hardcore fan was "Freddy Vs. Jason", that was also the movie that spawned my love for Freddy Krueger.

Who is your favorite horror director (and why)?

Ha! That would be Wes Craven. Why? Because he created "A Nightmare on Elm Street"! I also love "Scream", "Red Eye" and "Cursed".

What are your alltime horror favorites (at least five)?

Good thing you gave me a limit. I would go on and on since I have a butt load of favorite movies.

My top 5 would have to be:

- Children of the Corn (1984)

- A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

- Freddy Vs. Jason

- My Bloody Valentine 3D

- Dawn of the Dead (1978)

What's the worst horror movie you've seen so far?

Worst horror movie? Hmmm... I'm not sure if I can pin point a movie that was the worst but I can name off a few that I thought sucked ass.

- "Drag Me To Hell": The trailer made it look like it was pure horror but It was more of a horror comedy that failed. I felt like I was in Hell watching it.

- "The Crazies" Remake: I went to the theatre thinking this was a zombie movie, it was not. And I was PISSED!

- "The Haunting of Molly Hartley": I don't even have to explain why, everyone knows.

Most of my friends don't like horror films. How about your friends?

I have a small few that enjoy horror movies but not to the same extent as me. Other than that, no I don't. That's one of the main reasons I started my horror blog. I wanted to be able to discuss all things horror with people and make new friends that like the same things I do.

Choose: Freddy? Jason? Leatherface? Michael? Chucky? Other?

We all know the answer to that. FREDDY!! Then it would go Jason, Leatherface, Michael and the Leprechaun. I replaced Chucky with the Leprechaun cause Chucky makes me cry.

Choose: US horror? European horror? Asian horror? Other?

I mainly go for US horror but there are a lot of European horror movies that are seriously rad. I'm sorry but I can't stand Asian horror.

Do you prefer watching horror at home or at the theater?

Both is fun but I do prefer watching it at home so I can avoid the obnoxious screaming from the stupid teenage girls trying to show off to their wannabe gangsta, Justin Bieber look-alike boyfriends.

What music do you like?

I like rock and metal music like Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, Papa Roach, My Chemical Romance. I love, love, love 80's love songs and rock songs.

What do you read?

Anything from Stephen King. I love Biographies, mainly of serial killers. I'm a huge fan of Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings. I also read COSMO. My mom calls it the Smut Magazine. :D

Tell me the first 3 things that come to your mind when you think about Austria (not Australia):

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Arnie, ARNIE!!! I Freakin' LOVE Arnold!

Anything else you wanna tell us?

Have you guys ever eaten Bagel Bites? Seriously, it's a party in your mouth!

LOL Haven't tried them yet, but I will :) Thank you, Jen!

http://memoirsofascreamqueen.blogspot.com/

BLACK'S GAME (/Slashing Europe 2012)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Wed, 09 May 2012 20:30:00 +0000

BLACK'S GAME

Original Title:
Svartur á leik

Iceland, 2012
Director: Óskar Thór Axelsson

8,5/10

"Black's Game" - written and directed by young filmmaker Óskar Thór Axelsson, produced by Nicolas Winding Refn ("Drive"), based on Stefán Máni's bestselling crime-novel "Black Curse" - is an awesome Icelandic gangster-thriller, a bit in the vein of movies like "Lock, Stock & 2 Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting" or "Goodfellas".

Tense and thrilling, fast-paced and action-packed, but also pretty fun and entertaining, thanks to the strong direction and the absolutely excellent script. The movie's is packed with cool, believable and highly likable characters, and many fantastic actors. Stand-outs: Thor Kristjansson, Damon Younger and the super-hot María Birta.

The look of "Black's Game" is outstanding: a beautiful cold color scheme, all the wonderful Icelandic landscapes, powerful cinematography, and a great arsenal of tricks (jump-cuts, freeze-frames, slow-motion...).

The editing is neat, the soundtrack is stunning (Sigur Ròs, Gus Gus, Quarashi...) and it's full of impressive, baffling and/or shocking scenes (sex scene, rape scene, unsettling tortures, the bank heist, the kick-ass ending...).

Short and sweet: I loved this movie!

Imdb

IO SONO MORTA (I'M DEAD)

noreply@blogger.com (Maynard Morrissey) — Wed, 09 May 2012 17:21:00 +0000

IO SONO MORTA

(17minute short)

English Title:
I'm Dead

Italy, 2011

Director: Francesco Picone

8/10

After the wonderful shorts from Davide Melini and Giuseppe Piva, I got the chance to see another great Italian short film: Francesco Picone's "Io Sono Morta", a dark and brutal little shocker that impressed me quite a lot.

What starts out as some kinda love-drama, quickly turns into a twisted and unsettling nightmare with an insect-eating maniac that loves to kidnap and torture young women, an undead human creature, a creepy basement and an extremely claustrophobic crawlspace.

Director / writer / cinematographer Picone pulled off a stunning, clever and awesome-looking film, full of terrifying images and gruesome torture scenes. The acting is solid (especially Federico Mariotti's performance), the orchestral soundtrack is pretty epic and the intense, inventive camera work is simply outstanding - plus: I totally fell in love with the super-thrilling crawlspace scene which looks very similar to Rodrigo Cortes' "Buried".

Watch out, world: it looks like Italo-horror is making a big comeback this year!

Watch it here!
Io Sono Morta on Facebook