02 February 2015

OUIJA (2014)

OUIJA

German Title:
Ouija - Spiel nicht mit dem Teufel

USA, 2014
Director: Stiles White

1,5/10








I've seen my fair share of movies about Ouija boards (the "Witchboard" trilogy,
"I am ZoZo", "Spookies", "Necromentia"...)
or movies including Ouija boards ("Paranormal Activity", "The Pact", "What Lies Beneath", "Sorority House Massacre II"...). All of them - even the bad ones - were lightyears better than this stinking piece of spirit crap: "Ouija", the... erm, 'live-action adaptation' of Hasbro's Ouija game and directorial debut by Stiles White, writer of not-so-bad stuff like "The Possession" or "Knowing" who worked as production assistant for Stan Winston in the 90s and was involved in the making of movies like "Interview with the Vampire", "The Sixth Sense" or "Jurassic Park III"!

"Ouija" follows a few teenagers who play with an Ouija board, mess with the wrong ghost and get killed one after the other. blah blah fucking blah. This movie is so awful, it's baffling, surprising and irritating at the very same time. White obviously has no frigging clue of how a proper horror film works, has no frigging idea how to create tension, how to properly entertain or scare the audience, how to create a sympathetic characer that is worth rooting for, how to write a story that is at least a little bit interesting or intriguing etc. etc.


White simply knows nothing. The only thing he's able to do is throwing cheap and shitty 'scares' right into the audience's bored faces. Wanna know how the movie's built up? Dumb teenager... loud sound effect... jump scare... lame CGI effect... bloodless kill... dumb teenager... loud sound effect... jump scare... lame CGI effect... bloodless kill... dumb teenager... loud sound effect... jump scare... lame CGI effect... bloodless kill... ad infinitum.

THAT'S IT!! That's the whole fucking movie! No likable characters, no thrills, no chills, horrible storytelling, complete absence of originality - and due to the fact that it's PG-13-to-the-max and obviously made for a college kids / lower class audience who doesn't care about the horror genre, it ends up as the unarguably worst example of contemporary lazy filmmaking. It's like the studios (Universal, Platinum Dunes, Blumhouse...) AND Hasbro didn't care about the actual movie at all. They wanted a film called "Ouija", aimed at a teenage/underclass audience, aimed for a Halloween-season release. Nothing else. Uber-lazy, careless, disrespectful filmmaking at its worst. A shame, a fucking shame.
The fact that a sequel was already green-lit, because "Ouija" made over a $100 million worldwide against its $5 million budget... ah, screw it.


None of the actors deliver a good performance, not even Olivia Cooke ("The Queit Ones", "Bates Motel"). The music is stale and lackluster, the trite photography makes every setting look quite the same, nearly every kill is shockingly boring. Large parts of the movie feel like lame replicas of other movies, for example the opening looks, feels and is built up exactly like the opening in "The Ring", while the ending - another yawn-worthy quasi-open ending - seems to be ripped off of "The Conjuring". Also, characters facing a corner ("The Blair Witch Project"), teenagers receiving creepy messages ("I Know What You Did Last Summer"), several scenes that feel like ripped off of "Final Destination" 
or "One Missed Call". Ugh.

I give 1 point to the performance Lin Shaye which was pretty intense,
and a 1/2 point to the bathroom sink kill which was mildly amusing. That's all.
I'm off, listening to Morrissey's "Ouija Board, Ouija Board" now...



6 comments:

  1. Pity, this is the kind of film I'd pick up in a bargain bin somewhere. You've saved me a fiver!!

    K 😃

    ReplyDelete
  2. This one felt a lot like the US remakes of Asian horror flicks that were so prevalent last decade. Especially with the noted similarities to The Ring and One Missed Call (when we got to the climactic twist, literally copied straight from a certain J-horror, I cracked up laughing). That said, I actually enjoyed it as a bit of a guilty pleasure... but definitely not a good film.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally, especially like the shittier ones, the remake of Shutter or One Missed Call. I strongly hoped I'd enjoy it as a guilty pleasure, but I couldn't.

      Delete
    2. I can relate... I actually enjoy this and the OMC remakes as guilty pleasures, but I absolutely couldn't stand the Shutter remake. And even I can admit there's honestly not a world of difference between them.

      Still waiting for you to post revised One Missed Call reviews, too! Love to hear your thoughts on the series.

      Delete
    3. Be patient! The movie reviews are long finished, but I'm still not done with the series. I'm a lazy fuck, I know :D

      Delete

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