07 October 2015

THE INHABITANTS

THE INHABITANTS

USA, 2015
Directors: The Rasmussen Brothers
(Michael & Shawn)

2/10










"The Inhabitants" is the second directorial feature of the Rasmussen Brothers (best known as screenwriters of John Carpenter's "The Ward"), revolving around a young couple who tries to renovate an old bed and breakfast that is haunted by a malicious spirit and soon destroys all of their hopes for a new life.

The warning signs were there all along: "The Ward" was a huge disappointment, mostly because of the unoriginal and predictable screenplay, the Rasmussens' first feature "Dark Feed" (which I haven't seen yet) has a dismal 3,3 on Imdb, and the IndieGogo campaign for "The Inhabitants" failed to reach the estimated goal of $17.500 (only about $1.600 were raised...).


So, how is the movie? Terrible on pretty much every single level. It's the slowest, dullest and most boring movie I have seen all year (even more tiresome than this year's "Treehouse"). And no, it's not slow in an artsy way, or slow in an intriguing / suspenseful way (that would have been good), it's slow in an absolutely dreadful way, due to the Rasmussens' horrid direction, their appalingly lame writing and their complete inability to create anything that is remotely tense or suspenseful, let alone scary.

Painfully unoriginal-looking ghost girls straight outta ghost-trash à la "Ring Around The Rosie" or "Crazy Eights" spooking around average oh-so-eerie New England architecture, while Elise Couture (meh actress) and Michael Reed (bad actor) show us how it looks like when a supposed-to-be-lucky couple has absolutely no chemistry at all, complete with awkward looks, unbelievable gestures
and awful lines.


There's thousands of age-old horror clichés and incredibly worn out horror tropes, like the good ol' bathroom-mirror-on-a medicine-cabinet-scare (*yawn*), the photo album full of old newspaper cuttings (*yawn*), the rocking rocking-chair (*yawn*), the dead bodies in the attic (*yawn*), the old lady who constantly mumbles weird shit and whose facial expression says I HATE YOU (*yawn*) etc. etc. etc.

There's nothing new, nothing innovative, nothing we haven't seen before millions of times. "The Inhabitants" is so indescribably foreseeable, it's absurd. The camera work is weak, there's way, WAY too many close-ups, WAY too many un-scary jump scares, WAY too many now-you-have-to-be-scared sound effects. The music is the only decent thing about it, and the sole reason why I gave it a 2/10
instead of a 1/10.

If you're into ghost crap like "The Apparition", "The Haunting in Connecticut 2" or "The Ring 2", then by all means this is your movie.

Nevertheless, thanks to the Rasmussens for the screener!

3 comments:

  1. Ha! I love ghost stories, but not crap ones :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This movie won't be inhabiting my player or TV.

    ReplyDelete

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